12/31/2024
My greatest achievement this year?
I learned to "Be HERE now."
It's funny to write that. It makes me look like I know a thing. To be clear, I don't claim to have mastered "being HERE now." In fact, I'm not even very good at it, yet. But, more and more often, when it really counts, I have been able to go to a place of peace and calm during times when I normally would have totally lost my s**t. IYKYK.
Nothing brought me more peace last year.
The first time it happened for me, I was driving down the road mired in regret. Regret, for me, causes crippling self-doubt. My self-doubt causes crushing anxiety. Anxiety turns on my adrenals which makes me worse at everything I do. Which causes me to act in ways I regret. And around we go.
In the middle of one of my several days long regret/anxiety loops, I was listening to a book "Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It" by Kamal Ravikant. Mr. Ravikant made a couple of good points.
Focusing on the past = depression/regret
Focusing on the future = anxiety
He said, "One cannot change the past. Neither can one go into the future. Therefore all we have is NOW."
That's when it occurred to me. I feel fine RIGHT NOW. Right here, driving down the road - I feel great. And that's when it happened for me. I let it go. I became totally present in the now, unburdened by the past or future. when I did this, it was like someone backed a dump truck off of my chest and I could breath again. Every breath I took for a time after that was full, warm and deeply calming.
So, "Being HERE now" and experiencing calm in the face of anxiety was my greatest achievement last year. I'm happy to announce, due to repetition and perseverance, I have experienced this calm many times since. Every time I do it, I seem to get better at it.
May you have a warm, peaceful and deeply calming New Year!