02/28/2026
I posted something similar about a year ago… and unfortunately, here we are again.
This week included phone calls, texts, and conversations with parents of players on my team who are considering quitting high school softball because of how they’re being treated.
Notice I didn’t say “bad coaches.” I said mean.
Here are actual quotes my girls have heard from their coaches.
“You’ll never be as good as ________.”
“You’re not good enough to play softball.”
“You’re a rotten orange in a bucket of good oranges.”
I have to mention this week also involved positive conversations worh girls who have amazing HS coaches. To those coaches, thank you for all you do for the girls. Youre truley a blessing.
But the coaches who say things like what was quoted above have no business coaching.
In response to those coaches directly, I copied my post from last year below.
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Dear High School Coaches,
This doesn’t apply to all of you. I know and respect many outstanding high school coaches. But I am increasingly concerned about the number of athletes who come to me describing coaches as mean, condescending, and demeaning.
Most of you are educators. You know better.
Coaching is teaching. The same research-based best practices you use in the classroom apply to the field. That’s why they’re called best practices.
A few reminders:
• Coaching is leadership. Your job is to empower athletes — not to overpower them.
• Relationships drive results. You don’t automatically earn respect because of your title. You build it.
• Positive-to-negative feedback matters. The recommended ratio is 3:1. Constant criticism doesn’t build toughness — it erodes confidence.
• If a player isn’t advanced yet? That’s the job. Develop her. Don’t discourage her.
• Correct in private. Praise in public. Feedback should be respectful, specific, and dignified.
• Model. Practice. Give feedback. Repeat. Apply. That gradual release works in the classroom — and it works in softball. Public embarrassment, sarcasm, or benching after one mistake isn’t development. It’s intimidation.
• The game evolves. Teaching evolves. Leadership evolves. Just because you were coached with yelling and punishment doesn’t mean that’s best practice. Learn. Grow. Improve.
My players should come back from their high school seasons better than when they left in the fall. You have the privilege of coaching them daily — building culture, watching film, teaching the game.
Instead, too often, I’m rebuilding confidence.
Scaring girls into not making mistakes doesn’t work. They don’t learn that way. They shut down.
Stop preaching. Start teaching.
Being harsh doesn’t make you effective. It makes you small. Be better — or step aside.
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And to Athletic Directors,
Support the coaches who are doing it right. Invest in the ones who need growth. If they refuse to grow, find someone who will.
Your job is to advocate for athletes — not protect poor leadership.
Our girls deserve better.
Sincerely,
Coach Kevin
