Egoless Life Coaching

03/13/2023

One of the benefits of working through the Anxious Personality is getting to do more fun things without anxiety getting in the way :)

I started playing piano when I was five and began competitions when I was six. This had a huge impact on the Sense of Self I ultimately developed.

I won a lot of competitions, but underneath I had already developed a belief that my value was dependent on winning or how good I was at something.

When we are estranged from our inherent self-worth, anxiety is bound to be present.

I kept going down this path for many years and competed until I graduated high school. If I won a competition, I felt good about myself, but it was a superficial kind of “good,” as if winning only supported the Sense of Self I had created.

When I began to notice my anxiety more in my early 20’s, I realized I couldn’t sit at a piano without feeling like I had to be perfect, or that I was being judged, or that how I played was somehow intertwined with my value.

It’s not as if I wasn’t good. Most people who would listen to me play would compliment me, but I couldn’t let it in because I was so disconnected from my intrinsic self-worth.

It took me a long time to understand the components of the Anxious Personality enough to be able to play and love the piano again.

I’m grateful to be able to play with the love of my life, who is pursuing her own love of songwriting and embodying her authentic beauty, depth, and expression.

To me, this song is about compassion, and in particular compassion for all the anxiety, struggle, and suffering that comes from trying so hard to prove to ourselves that we are good enough.

Like the song says, “Give yourself time to rise.”

Compassionately,
Timothy

Jaia Suri w/ Timothy Lin on piano performing "Light Rising" for the NPR Tiny Desk Contest of 2023. http://www.jaiasuri.com patreon.com/JaiaSuriMusic

03/08/2023

I'll never de-value mindfulness, but in my experience, it isn't enough to overcome anxiety.

Rather, mindfulness is a starting point and support to being able to understand the Anxious Personality.

The widely accepted definition of mindfulness is “paying attention to the present moment without judgment.” The problem is that when the Anxious Personality is present and you're identified with it, it’s impossible to do this.

The Anxious Personality judges each moment constantly, perceiving reality in a fearful way, trying to control the present moment, or being scared of the many moments to come.

Without understanding or even being aware of the Anxious Personality and its components, once you open your eyes from that blissful, transcendent meditation, you can easily open one email to have all of it completely vanish and suddenly replaced with anxiety.

The missing ingredient that we often forget is understanding—and this is where the Western approach of psychology and the focus on individual experience and functioning is so useful.

Without understanding, the gears of the Anxious Personality—our self-criticism, our expectations, our fears, our defenses, our self-sabotage—never really stop turning.

This is one of the core principles for The Anxious Personality Framework that I take my 1:1 clients through, shifting from "anxiety-filled success" to "anxiety-free success." Yes, success and anxiety DO NOT need to be married together.

If that's something interesting to you, I'd love for you to join a live workshop, "Intro to Dismantling the Inner Critic," which is the first step in unwinding the Anxious Personality. You can register here: https://www.egolessleaders.com/intro-to-dismantling-the-inner-critic-workshop

Or...DM me if you're ready to learn about my 1:1 offer. https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7038634743487217664/

Compassionately,
Timothy

03/07/2023

Some quick updates on live trainings that will help you shift from "anxiety-filled success" to "anxiety-free success":

➡️Free Weekly Guided Meditation (every Tuesday 10-10:30am PST): https://www.egolessleaders.com/weekly-meditation-group

➡️Intro to Dismantling the Inner Critic Workshop (March 22 10-11am PST): https://www.egolessleaders.com/intro-to-dismantling-the-inner-critic-workshop

Would love to have you join me for either of these! Meditation is a core skill for anyone working on understanding their anxiety, and the Inner Critic is the mechanism that keeps your anxiety going.

Compassionately,
Timothy

03/06/2023

This is a heartfelt invitation to anyone who on paper has everything going for them but want to be able to achieve success without unsustainable levels of anxiety.

We’d work together over 10 weeks to go through the Anxious Personality Framework, which helps you understand and dismantle the Anxious Personality (your operating system that is programmed to create and maintain anxiety).

Together, we would work in 1:1 sessions to:

1) Identify and free yourself from the dimensions of the INNER CRITIC that contribute most to chronic anxiety. We’ll use the Direct Inquiry Method to complete an inventory of Inner Critic patterns.

2) Disentangle yourself from identifying with a SENSE OF SELF that is anxious, lacks confidence, and lacks power. We’ll do this by completing an inventory of self-images that disconnect you from an experience of your own inner security and value.

3) Dismantle the CORE BELIEF that powers your current worldview, and reconnect with the intrinsic qualities of security, acceptance, value, and self-worth. We’ll do this with specific exercises to help you open to and experience these qualities.

4) Clearly see how the ANXIETY TEMPLATE is operating in you and what situations you overlay this template. You’ll learn how to recognize when this template is triggered and how to disengage from it.

In the program, you get 1:1 Zoom calls, journaling exercises, and free access to any group teaching event I host.

The best person for this program:

➡️Typically high-functioning but does so with unsustainable levels of anxiety

➡️ Has the ability to identify inner thoughts and emotions

➡️Intuitively feels like there must be a reason why they have anxiety and wants to understand why

➡️Willing to invest the appropriate time and energy to work through the different components of the Anxious Personality

If you’re interested in shifting from “anxiety-filled success” to “anxiety-free success,” please DM me. I’d love to help!

Compassionately,
Timothy

03/03/2023

Are you struggling with self-criticism?

It's important to recognize that these negative thoughts aren't necessarily coming from you, but rather from the Inner Critic -- a part of your psyche that's trying to keep you safe.

While its intentions are good, the Inner Critic can often be mixed with harsh judgments that weigh heavily on our psyche.

You may not even realize that this inner criticism is happening, but it can manifest as feelings of anxiety, heaviness, sadness, or depression.

As children, we internalize messages from our parents, family members, teachers, and society, which can form the basis of our Inner Critic.

But as adults, we have the power to challenge these messages and find the truth about ourselves.

Remember, you're not defined by the negative self-talk.

By challenging the messages of the Inner Critic, you can free yourself from the burden of self-criticism and discover your true potential.

Learn how in my workshop "How to Dismantle the Inner Critic" on March 8 @ 9:30-10:30am PST. DM me for details.

With compassion,
Timothy

03/02/2023

Anxiety can be a challenging and overwhelming experience, but it's important to remember that you're not alone.

As someone who has personally struggled with anxiety, I spent a lot of time figuring out that there's a difference between "managing" anxiety and "healing" anxiety.

I want everyone to know that chronic anxiety, the kind that is embedded into the Anxious Personality, can actually be healed.

There's a reason why you experience anxiety in most interactions and others don't -- it's because anxiety is often rooted in our very identity and beliefs about ourselves.

In other words, you're struggling because the "system" of the Anxious Personality has been built to output anxiety. If you know how the system of the personality works, you can change the output.

The Anxious Personality is made up of the following components:

➡️The Inner Critic Message: This is part of our psyche that dictates what is acceptable or not acceptable in our experience. It watches and polices our behavior. It judges who we are and tell us how we should be, so it causes a great deal of the anxiety we experience in our daily lives.

➡️The Sense of Self: This is how you tend to think of yourself or how you know yourself to be “you.” Often, people who struggle with anxiety are tightly identified with an identity that is weak, overwhelmed, or unimportant.

➡️The Core Belief: This is the core component that runs all the programming of the Anxious Personality. It’s a generally a mistaken belief that the entire personality structure builds its worldview around.

➡️The Relationship Template: This is the basic template that codes how the Anxious Personality should relate to others and yourself.

Yes, it's a lot to work through, but I will say with all my heart and soul that it's worth it.

Which is why I'm teaching "How to Dismantle the Inner Critic," the first major component of the Anxious Personality. March 8 @ 9:30-10:30am PST. Dm me for details.

With compassion,
Timothy

03/01/2023

Attention all my connections! Are you feeling anxious and overwhelmed lately? It's okay, we've all been there. But I want to remind you of something that you may have forgotten -- YOU ARE SAFE!

By your very nature and the nature of life itself, safety and security are always there.

I know it's easy to get caught up in the world's conventional wisdom and the anxious voice in your head that says otherwise.

But when we are free of the Anxious Personality, we can trust in our inner sense of security, no matter what external circumstances we face.

I recently was driving on the highway when all the warning lights came on in the car. Check your charging system. ABS. VTS. VTM. I didn’t know what half of these things were. Then the speedometer stopped working and my acceleration was suddenly throttled.

My historical Anxious Personality wanted to quickly jump in the driver’s seat and freak out. But I was able to take a breath, reconnect with this sense of inner security.

I would have been fine either way, but the Anxious Personality wants you to think it can protect you through hyper-vigilance and fear. When you stop buying into it, inner security guides you instead.

For me, it said, "Your brakes work, don't turn off the car, take yourself to the nearest mechanic."

Life happens, and even if we don't want to believe it, we're not really in control of much. Something bigger is keeping us safe.

With compassion,
Timothy

02/28/2023

Weekly drop-in meditation via Zoom at 10am PST today!

Here's our agenda:

➡️Brief teaching on mindfulness / meditation (10 minutes)
➡️Guided meditation practice (20 minutes)
➡️Optional Q&A (10 minutes)

Register here: https://www.egolessleaders.com/weekly-meditation-group

02/27/2023

Do you find yourself constantly worrying about how others might react to you? Do you struggle with making transitions, setting boundaries, or making decisions?

You might be experiencing the people-pleasing pattern of the Anxious Personality, the subject of the book I'm working on.

People-pleasers tend to morph or change themselves according to who they think others want them to be.

This pattern prevents them from being true to themselves and limits their ability to take on life.

But, with a little understanding and self-discovery, you can dismantle this pattern and experience inner security that has nothing to do with others.

It starts by questioning the automatic tendency to put others first or prioritize their needs over yours. As you get in touch with inner security, you'll see that things won't fall apart if you let go of people-pleasing.

Eventually, you'll begin to see the world as full of opportunity rather than threats.

If you're ready to work through people-pleasing or other patterns of anxiety, here's a few options I can hep with:

➡️Join my weekly drop-in meditation group on Tuesdays @ 10-10:30am PST. Register here: https://www.egolessleaders.com/weekly-meditation-group

➡️DM me about my next Inner Critic Workshop, where I help you understand what the Inner Critic is, why it's there, and how to disarm it so you can function with less resistance.

➡️DM me about being a beta reader for my book (working title is "The Anxious Personality" subtitle TBD). In exchange, I'd love to provide a free 1:1 coaching session.

I'd love to help you understand and dismantle these patterns so they stop holding you back.

With compassion,
Timothy

02/22/2023

Do you feel like a fraud, no matter what you do or how hard you try to be authentic? You’re not alone. Believe it or not, it’s a common issue many of us are facing. And there’s good news: with some compassion and self-reflection, you can reconnect with authenticity again.

It could be that you’re constantly trying to be someone different, catering to how you think others want you to be, or continually losing contact with who you are after spending so much time trying to figure out who you should be.

All this leads to feeling like a ‘shell’ of yourself, a feeling which can cause all kinds of problems like anxiety, burnout, fakeness, superficiality, disconnection, and depression.

For starters, try taking a break from the countless outside distractions telling you who you are supposed to be. Social media. Commercials. Even self-help advice (like this one)! When all these fade away, you’ll be confronted with yourself... the entire package.

No, it’s not easy - especially since Brene Brown says “We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.” You should know that facing what is inside of us isn’t as scary as it sounds. It’s actually where the gold is!

If you need a helping hand from a supportive and gentle guide, I’m here for you. DM me and let’s chat.

02/21/2023

“Shifting your mindset” works for anxiety, but it’s a band-aid kind of solution.

The problem is that changing your thoughts alone without understanding where the negative thoughts are originating from doesn’t ever address the root of the problem.

I personally systematically went though a number of positive mindset shifts in my early attempts to get rid of anxiety and depression.

It was great. I had a daily ritual of going through the Power Cards of Louise Hay. I repeated these mantras over and over again.

But because I hadn’t learned about the components of the Anxious Personality, all the transformation I experienced was primarily superficial.

Yes, I felt happier, but I had completely suppressed and compartmentalized any thoughts I deemed “negative.”

Meanwhile, the old programming was still running and creating anxiety—only I was ignoring it by constantly putting a positive spin on things.

What I actually ended up doing—and I witness this with many people who have done New Age approaches—is a kind of bypassing of my full self. Another way to say this is I became one-dimensional.

Only positive things were allowed, and feelings like anxiety, depression, sadness, and anger were relegated to the unconscious, or as the Jungians like to call it, the “shadow” side.

You might guess that all that the result of that anything that we repress for that long will always resurface (and generally with more intensity).

While this mindset shift approach worked for a number of years, all it did was create a polished “persona” on top of the Anxious Personality that was already there.

I came across as carefree and confident—but it never felt authentic because underneath was a ton of anxiety of being “found out.”

My suggestion? Know thyself...there's more to anxiety than just your thoughts. Also join my next workshop on the Inner Critic, where you'll learn its role in the Anxious Personality and how to effectively disengage from it.

With compassion,
Timothy