Hands On Horse Training

09/13/2026

"But one cannot hope to teach this tact and delicate discernment which come from practice only. The art consists in a singular skill and a genius, unimagined, much less appreciated, by those who do not frequently practice it, little observed by many who do, and often neglected entirely by great scholars. Marvelous and ravishing when seen by knowing eyes, the field is limitless, and the classic authors, had they devoted volumes to the subject, could not thereby have produced a single horseman."
Dupaty de Clam (1744 - 1782)

09/13/2026

09/13/2026

"No one will be able to train any horse completely if he has not both a precise understanding of their natural gaits, raising, advancing, and alighting of their legs, as well as a great knowledge of those that originate in art. It is a very general rule that art never contradicts nature, but follows the latter and restores it to order."
William Cavendish, 1st Duke of Newcastle (1592 – 1676)

09/12/2026

"Whenever the trainer finds himself in a situation where he has difficulty controlling his own will, where he wants to become too strong and force the horse to give him the result he is looking for, he must convince himself that the means are against the purpose."
Klas Adam Ehrengranat (1751-1842)

09/12/2026

"Those who canter too soon destroy their hard-earned success in the horse’s balance at the trot. Since everything in the course of the training depends on the basis of self-carriage, only that is correct which can be done within this framework. For the limits of balance are the limits of the horse’s ability to obey."
Otto von Monteton 1899

09/11/2026

The Art of Coaching Family

Teaching someone from your immediate family to ride is one of the most challenging endeavors a horse person can undertake. Anyone who has ever attempted to coach their child or instruct a significant other can tell you that. For some reason, it is quite different from teaching a complete stranger, casual acquaintance, or even a close friend. I can’t count the number of times a parent or spouse of one of my students has said something like, “Why does she listen to you without argument when I get nothing but backtalk when I tell her the same thing?”

I think the problem can be broken down into four main issues:

Defense of Ego
Feelings of Being Judged
Association of Similarity
Carrying Baggage
Let’s take them one at a time…

Defense of Ego

We all think we are right in the way we approach horses (or we wouldn’t do it that way). When we are questioned or corrected, it is natural for us to get defensive; the more confident we are, the more defensive we become. It is why skilled and experienced riders sometimes find it difficult to take instruction from people who may know more than they do or simply approach things differently (myself included). Every lesson forces us to reevaluate what I think we know–which can be very frustrating–even when the instructor is extremely modest in their methods.

What I mean by modest is an instructor saying something like, “I want you to try something I’ve found to be very helpful, and I think it might help you as well.” Less ideal would be just telling them, “Don’t do it that way; do it this way.” Worst of all would be, “Just do as I say and don’t question it. You are paying me because I know more about this than you do.”
It is fairly clear how some approaches might generate a defensive response more than others. I have noticed it is not uncommon for people to be perfectly comfortable with the modest approach when teaching someone they are not related to, but tend to fall back on “because I said so” when working with a family member.
Familiarity, literally, breeds contempt in some cases. It is odd that we will treat family members less conscientiously than we do our friends. This can lead to a battle of egos, and that never, ever ends well.

Feelings of Being Judged

None of us like being judged, but being judged as lacking by someone we love and respect can be very painful. For this reason, great care must be taken to avoid coming across as overly judgmental when you teach.

For significant others, this can be especially hard. We often expect more from those we are in a relationship with than we do from others. A husband might become short with his wife when she seems to not understand what he thinks she should, or a boyfriend might become concerned he is not living up to expectations and become frustrated. These “judgmental” situations open the door to conflict.

With parents and kids, the perception of the child is often that the parent is judging them unfairly, even when care is being taken to avoid it. All it takes is a small lapse on the part of the parent's detachment for them to sound ‘parental’ to the child, instead of like a teacher, and the whole process begins to spiral downward without the parent even realizing what set the child off.

In either instance, great care must be taken to remember to give positive feedback, especially when teaching your child. François Baucher said, “Ask often, be content with little, praise lavishly.” He was, of course, speaking of training horses, but the same can apply to teaching horsemanship to someone in your family, especially children. Give them the best opportunity to succeed by taking them along gradually, returning to things they do well when they are struggling, and not forgetting to offer praise when things are done well. Try to avoid, as much as possible, setting arbitrary benchmarks of achievement.

Association of Similarity

This may be the hardest factor to understand and recognize. When we see something that reminds us of ourselves in another person, we tend to react with certain expectations. This can lead us into being too demanding, i.e., “If I can do this, you should be able to do it.”

Alternatively, some also react in a negative way when we see a weakness in ourselves, mirrored in others. This can lead us to judge others more harshly than we should. Basically, sometimes we just don’t like what we see when we look in a mirror.
We can lessen the chance of falling into such traps if we make a concerted effort to see the person we are teaching as the individual they are and not as just a funhouse mirror image of ourselves.

Carrying Baggage

This is probably the most common issue in the challenge of coaching family members.

Throughout our day, we have a variety of interactions with our family; some positive, some less so. If we carry these less positive interactions into the arena with us, we handicap ourselves by starting the lesson from a deficit. You cannot let the fact that your child is getting a D in math affect how you treat them when they hold the reins wrong. You shouldn’t let the fact that your husband bought a new bowling ball without talking to you about it influence how you correct his seat issues.

Avoiding the natural tendency to hold on to the baggage of our relationships can be very difficult, and failing to do so can be devastating to the learning process. I wish I could advise you of a simple way to prevent it from happening, but I am afraid I cannot.

Conclusions

Here are a few things to keep in mind when schooling anyone, human or horse, that are vital in the process of teaching family members and close acquaintances:

Stay in the moment – Don’t bring the past with you into the lesson, and don’t get hung up on something that happened in the past, or even what just happened. Let it go and move on to what is happening now.

Treat every student as an individual – Not only is this student not the same as your last student, but they are not YOU either. Play to their strengths while you address weaknesses and keep your expectations realistic.

Be patient – Strive to not be, or ever give the impression of being, judgmental. There is a reason they have come to you for training, and that reason is they don’t already know how to do what you are now asking them to do. Learning takes time, longer for some things than others; give them that time.

Be humble – Even the most skilled and accomplished rider has things to learn, including you. What you know to be the absolute truth may turn out to be nothing of the sort in a year’s time. We all think we know best until we are shown otherwise. It is up to you to impart this wisdom to your student, without forgetting it applies to you as well.

Get outside help – If all else fails, it can be beneficial to call in a professional from outside the family to help everyone involved improve.

09/11/2026

"So when he is induced by a man to assume all the airs and graces which he puts on of himself when he is showing off voluntarily, the result is a horse that likes to be ridden, that presents a magnificent sight, that looks alert, that is the observed of all observers."
Xenophon, 4th century B.C

09/11/2026

"The principles of the training method are based on trust and respect, achieving obedience with the horse executing, willingly, the rider’s slightest “aids” and performing his duty to his last breath, without being helped by the rider. Methods that do not lead to this goal are useless. When horse and rider are in a permanent state of war, you can never count reliably on obedience. Correct dressage is only based on a secure, trusting relationship. Equestrian art does not consist in defeating an enemy but in the education and the gymnastic development of a trusting student whose body the teacher gradually gets so much under his control through anatomically correctly applied exercises that the physical power over the horse becomes so ingrained that it is impossible for the horse to be disobedient, even if the voluntary obedience should fail. "
Otto von Monteton 1899

09/10/2026

"One should honestly answer the question: Which type of perfection are we looking for in horsemanship: a cold-hearted computer-like perfection that approaches the measurements and rules and regulations as closely as possible, which is manipulated until the last bit of individual personality has vanished; or that type of perfection that does justice first and foremost to the personality, even if little imperfections have to be accepted in favor of a harmonious aesthetic overall impression, because of the belief that man had better preserve the glory of creation instead of fumbling around with it until he has succeeded in making it disappear."
Brigadier Kurt Albrecht - Director of the Spanish Riding School of Vienna

09/10/2026

The Myth of the Quiet Horse
or why 'Calm' is not always preferable

Yes, here I go again, with the cryptic titles. "What on earth is he on about this time? He is now going to find fault with my calm horse?"
I sometimes wish I had been brought up speaking some language other than English, because what our language lacks in precision it more than makes up for in situational variability. Quiet and Calm, like so many other terms we cast about freely when we talk about riding (i.e. Light and Gentle and Firm), are two words that mean different things to different people and should be discussed at length, to come to a common understanding, if we are to discuss which mental states of the horse are to be sought and which to be avoided.

To many, Quiet and Calm are synonymous and mean relaxed and not nervous, but sometimes what they take to be Quiet and Calm is in fact disconnected and unengaged. Many riders seek to put their horse into such a state of calm that they avoid all demands or pressure so as not to upset the horse or make it nervous. Seeking a stress-free experience, they want the horse to be as quiet under saddle as it is standing in the pasture. "And what is wrong with that?" you might ask. There is nothing wrong with the goal per se, the problem occurs when the horse either becomes sluggish and disengaged from the rider or, worst of all, learns that if it misbehaves, the rider will back off and no progress is made.
Additionally, some riders equate quiet with fearless. They sit upon the horse's back as it walks along the trail, reins draped across the pommel, legs hanging limply, sitting slouched in the saddle, trusting the quiet horse to haul them around. The horse, walking along with other calm horses, seems perfectly relaxed and completely safe. Suddenly something moves out of the corner of the horse's eye, or some loud crash is heard off in the trees, and one horse starts; then the next horse jumps, and suddenly the usually quiet and calm horse has wheeled and begun moving, very fast, away from the perceived threat. By the time the rider has realized something is wrong, they are scrambling to pick up their reins, find their seat, and get their legs back in play, all while trying to keep from losing their balance. The sudden return of the aids and probable over-application that accompanies a fear of falling off adds to the horse's belief that something dangerous is going on and matters can quickly get out of hand. How many of us have come off a horse that we were sure was standing or moving perfectly calmly, only to have it jump or shy suddenly at something, and we were not prepared for the sudden movement?

A consistent connection with the horse is a key to classical riding and an important factor in any riding. The classical rider is never 'not riding' when they are on the back of a horse. Even while standing still, talking to someone, adjusting their tack, or just enjoying the view from a hilltop, the classical rider should never be disconnected from their horse. The reins are kept at or close to the same contact they use while actively riding. The rider should be upright and balanced in the seat, and the legs resting lightly against the horse's sides just as they do when the horse is being actively ridden. Yes, we will all take our legs off the horse, stand in the stirrups, or let the reins go slack for a moment to stretch and get the blood flowing into tired limbs, but then we should be reconnecting with our horse immediately afterward. As classical riders, we are always synced with our horse, so this state of connection should be as natural and automatic for us as keeping our balance as we walk. In this way, the confidence that we impart to our horses as focused riders is never more than a fraction of a second away. A correctly closed hand or supporting leg can stop a startled horse from becoming a fleeing horse, and the stability the classical seat gives us can mean the difference between being present to give those countering cues and looking up painfully from the ground as our horse runs off down the trail or to the far end of the arena.

It is not just a matter of safety, however. A horse ridden in such a way as to have no demands placed on it whatsoever will inevitably become 'quiet' to the point of almost sleepwalking its way through the ride. Too 'calm' and the horse loses impulsion in the gaits and shuffles along under the rider, numb to the cues and always trying to stop. A horse in this state is not being trained in any useful way. Yes, a collected trot or stretching walk can relax a nervous horse, but done too often or too long or even worse, with no call for good forward movement and engagement, can create a 'quiet horse' that creeps around the arena, feet barely moving, with no tempo to work with and a mind not on the training.

At the other extreme, too often the method of dealing with 'nervous' or 'excited' horses is to run them around a round pen or on a longe line to tire them out until they 'calm down'. This is a fundamentally flawed approach. Tiring out a nervous horse does not get you a calm horse; it only gets you a tired, nervous horse. An exhausted horse may be quiet, but it cannot move properly or focus on the rider's aids. It also makes the horse dread being worked and, in the long run, only makes matters worse. Horses do not willfully defy us. Regardless of anecdotal evidence to the contrary, horses only respond as they have evolved to respond, and a nervous or excited horse has a reason for being that way. We cannot punish them out of it or run it out of them without ultimately defeating the purpose.

Only through consistent, flexible aids can a horse become relaxed to the rider's will. Only a properly conditioned and balanced horse can meet the physical demands placed on it and remain calm and engaged. Demanding more than a horse can give at any moment in its training will create resistance; forcing the horse through this resistance creates defiance; trying to break defiance destroys trust; without trust, there can never be calm.

So I have talked a lot about what 'quiet' and 'calm' are not, so what do I think they are?

In German, there is a great term, "Losgelassenheit". It means a state where the horse is calm, relaxed, willing, connected, and engaged. Lieutenant Colonel Gustav von Dreyhausen defined the term thusly:

"We can therefore perhaps characterize correct equestrian Losgelassenheit as a type of behavior in which the horse yields completely to the rider's aids and applies all of his strength and all of his muscles towards the energetic and impulsive ex*****on of the present demands without feeling constricted."

While this definition doesn't even use the word 'calm', it is implied because the free giving of the horse to the aids requires a calm and mentally engaged horse.

Too often a horse is described as not being calm because it has a lot of energy or is very quick to react to the aids, when in fact it is perfectly relaxed, focused, and totally in sync with its rider. Such a horse may display an outward appearance that people have come to associate with an excited or scared horse, like upright carriage and lofty and energetic movement, while in reality, it is neither scared nor unduly excited. Highly athletic horses and horses that truly enjoy what they are doing often display this behavior. In fact, at its pinnacle, classical dressage seeks to achieve just this carriage and response from the horse. As long as the horse is willing to respond to light aids and the wishes of the rider and is not being forced or held in check, such a horse can be said to still be displaying Losgelassenheit, even if most would not use the word 'calm' to describe it.

Many riders can be intimidated by a horse displaying the traits I just mentioned and prefer to ride a horse that is more still, giving an outward appearance of being quiet, because it helps them feel confident. I have no problem with this. The problem comes when the confidence-inspiring state the rider seeks comes at the cost of engagement and connection or is taken advantage of by the horse to avoid working.

What classical riding advocates is very simple to say but difficult to achieve: a connection that creates the willingness on the horse's part to respond to the clear, gentle, and just requests of the rider, without fear of punishment as the motivation, but rather from an instinctive and automatic reaction created by the practiced communication through the consistent and subtle use of the aids; losgelassenheit.

True quiet and calm must come from trust and a thorough connection with the horse. This connection has to be both direction and not just rider to horse. We have to be tuned in to the movement of the horse and aware of its mental and emotional nature to translate what we feel into comprehension and turn that comprehension into a reasoned response. We also must remember that the horse feels our emotional state through this connection as well. If we are nervous, excited, or afraid, they will know it; therefore, it is incumbent on us to learn to control these emotions in ourselves before asking it of them. This way the horse and rider become a partnership, with both parties' feelings, needs, and desires taken into account. The rider must always seek lighter and more subtle connections as a way of making the reactions of the horse instinctive responses to the subtle cues the aids provide and NOT based on the avoidance of discomfort or pain. The horse in such a partnership, through trust and respect for the rider, gains confidence and focus, which are key to remaining quiet and calm at all times.

Reaching this goal takes a long time, a lot of riding, and the help of an educated pair of eyes on the ground to offer observations and instruction. The use of the aids must become as automatic and natural as waking. It requires a focus on the goal, not being sidetracked by ego, fear, or frustration. When it becomes about the rider and not about the connection with the horse, we fall behind. When we do not require of the horse its commitment to the ride and obedience to the just request, we fall behind. When we ask for too much at one time or exhaust the horse, mentally or physically, we fall behind.

So the next time you ride, pause to take stock of your horse's mental state and give thought to what quiet and calm really mean.

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