09/07/2026
What surrendering isn’t.
The word surrender can sound like becoming smaller. Giving in. Taking the blame. Losing your voice.
That isn’t what this work has meant in my life.
For me, surrendering has meant learning to recognize what is actually mine to carry… and putting down what never was.
Looking at my paper does not mean deciding everything is my fault.
It means asking:
Who do I want to be here? What belongs to me? What can I actually choose?
That brings me back to agency.
I can apologize for my disrespect without taking responsibility for someone else’s behavior.
I can practice gratitude without pretending something painful isn’t painful.
I can relinquish control without relinquishing wisdom or discernment.
I can be vulnerable without becoming voiceless.
And I can practice the Six Intimacy Skills™ without believing that someone else gets to decide what I should do with my marriage.
One of the things I appreciate deeply about this work is that the woman remains the expert on her own life. The invitation is not, “Here is what you should do.” It is, “If you desire more peace, connection, joy and intimacy, here are some things you can experiment with on your side of the street.”
That distinction matters to me.
As a Christian, surrender has an even deeper meaning. I am not surrendering my wisdom, my dignity, or my responsibility before God. I am surrendering the exhausting belief that I can manage another human being into becoming who I think he should be.
I can own my sin without owning his.
I can change my behavior without pretending I control his.
I can offer forgiveness without calling something good that was not good.
And I can keep coming back to the responsibility God actually entrusted to me: my heart, my words, my choices, my obedience, my joy.
I invite you to carry this question with you through Surrendered September:
What belongs on my paper here… and what doesn’t?
That question has changed a lot for me. 💗
