03/09/2026
Note to self
The kid you planned these holidays for has grown out of the kid they were last year
You thought you’d get a chance to read a few pages of your new book at the beach
Plan for one big meal at a taverna at the end of the day
Stay at the beach all day with just one change of swimwear
But no
You are treating your beach holiday like you did before having a kid
When beach days were reading and swimming days rather than splashing and castle building days
And thats a shock
Yes you miss the beach holidays you used to have but you also dont want to miss out on the beach days you can get with them today
Figuring out how to spin around in their floating ring
Keeping their eyes and mouth shut when you splash water at each other
Being on your hands and knees to build sand and stone castles while they direct the operational side of the construction
Because they wont be 4 next year again
And you’ll regret not having wallowed in all the juiciness of them being 4 - or almost 4
Because it wont be long until you’ll be with your book again and they’ll be out there building castles with their friends
So if there’s one thing I learned from this year’s beach holiday is to stop trying to recreate the holidays I used to have, and start noticing the one I’m actually having
Maybe this is what motherhood is about
Missing parts of your old life while being completely, ridiculously in love with the new one
And I’m just thankful for having these moments of awareness to notice what is happening while it’s happening
Being present enough to recognise the moments that are becoming memories while I’m still living them