01/09/2026
Training was feeling rough. I was really sick for a month, then on struggle street for a bit before I pulled out the “f it, we ball” to race a half-marathon, where I was pretty happy with 14th place on a very hilly course.
There is a weird mental piece that comes into play when you peak (for Elfstedentocht, this time), then kind of lose it. It’s like my brain is scared of confronting not being where I was.
There is something about Montréal that brings out the best in me. I am so grateful that life brought me here, and even more grateful that I’ve managed to visit so frequently in the years since I moved away.
The biggest thing I’m taking away from Montréal this time is joy and gratitude. Training was feeling like a bit of a slog, and sometimes you can push through it. But sometimes it’s also good to just release the pressure and frolic. It was great to have so many runs just for fun with friends, to be silly in training, to spend a lot of time cycling around taking in the city, to have no goal but to hang out and be in nature and move.
I have a tendency to put a lot of pressure on myself. I have high standards. It’s a double-edged sword: I think I achieve a lot because I have high standards. But I know (because I’ve done this a long time, and I’ve coached really successful athletes for a long time) that we’re better off having high standards, while somehow also releasing a bit of the pressure.
We talk lot about The Process. Focus on the process. Enjoy the process. It can feel cliché, but it’s *true.* You will not last in anything you don’t enjoy. You will not last if pressure and fear are your only fuel. You will not last if winning is your only goal.
Sometimes you’ve gotta remind yourself that you do the things you do for joy. By definition, 50% of your sessions will be below your average. But that doesn’t mean everything needs to feel hard all the time - you’ll probably get better quicker if it doesn’t.
Clean fuel is doing things for yourself, because you love them. And perhaps by extension, wanting to get better for yourself and the people around you, because you love them, and yourself. (Love you so much, MTL homies 💕)