22/05/2016
From;
A hilarious home MeMo from a dad to his house holds. Please read, Internal Home Memo
From: Father
To: All dependants & Relatives
CC: Mother
Date: May 16, 2016
Subject: Financial Meltdown/Cost Cutting Measures
For Your Urgent Attention
Due to the current economic situation, all domestic
rules and regulations have been revised as below
and under no circumstance is any violation going to
be accepted.
1. The Kitchen and all pantries are declared
Restricted Zones. Entry and/or passage shall require
express permission from myself upon submission of
written request.
2. Breakfast is banned. This matter cannot be
discussed!
3. Such food items as rice, chicken, butter, jam, eggs,
bread and milk are restricted. Anyone intending to
eat any of such foodstuffs must write to me in
triplicate, with three days notice, giving justifications
backed by a qualified dietician report as supportive
documentation.
4. Bathing in the morning is limited to 5 liters of
water per day per person while bathing in the
evening is banned unless there are medical reasons.
5. All security lights should be removed with
immediate effect. All dependants shall abide by an
all-night guard-duty roster I shall makeavailable
shortly.
6. No dependant shall entertain friends indoors, far
less attempt to offer food, drinks or even music.
Those who want their guests to listen to music shall
sing for them.
7. No one is allowed to talk to officials from police,
Council or Court bailiffs; doing so shall carry an
instantaneous penalty of ejection from the House.
8. Anybody who breaks a glass, furniture or any other
property in The House, shall immediately have to
seek temporary employment somewhere to earn
money to replace such broken item(s).
9. All visitors intending to spend a night/week or
more shall apply in triplicate and give two months
notice, with an endorsement from their town Mayor,
Village Headman or Church Priest/Imams giving
convincing reasons why they can't stay at their
homes. Failure to do this shall result
in their being turned away, at the g*te, upon arrival
THESE RULES ARE BINDING AND NOT SUBJECT TO
ANY DISCUSSION WHATSOEVER!!!
Signed:
DAD
Chairman of Home Affairs
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