25/10/2023
MARRIAGE 105: THE MONSTER IN LAW.
I've often wondered why some mothers outrightly hate their DILs. And I came up with some of these reasons I'd like to share.
1. Most marriages lack love, unity and harmony. It is imperative to be in union where there is love. It is dangerous to stay in a loveless union and claim you are there because of your children. I hear a lot of people tell women who come to them to seek for help pertaining crisis in their marriage and they tell them, 'Just focus on your children and leave the man'. I've come to realise that this advice is quite dangerous. The implication of doing this is that you take all your love and attention and invest in the children through the years. You begin to see your sons as your husbands and become so attached to them. Forgetting that children are not ours to keep. We nurture them and when it's time, they move out of the home and begin their own families excluding you. How then do you deal with the sudden absence? The loneliness you start to feel? It becomes very difficult for these women to let go of their sons/daughters and they begin to meddle in their marriages. They begin to see their DILs as threats who have come to displace them. When their sons focus on their wives, these women believe that they have lost their sons to another woman and they begin to wreck havoc. That is why I strongly believe that a woman should nurture her relationship with her husband and see him as the most important person in her life so that when these children leave home, you can easily let them go. Marriage is first for companionship even before the children starts trooping in.
2. Some women were never loved by their MILs and they go on to pass this anger and aggression to their DILs. There's been a lifelong battle between the MIL and her DIL. To me, it is something that you can decide to stop when it gets to you. That someone treated you in a bad way, doesn't mean you give the same treatment to the next person. There is nothing good about being a bitter and toxic woman. Break the cycle of toxicity and embrace your DILs like you would do your own daughters.
3. Finally, Some mothers see their DILs as competition. When you look at her and tell yourself that she wears more expenses laces than you, you have already created room for envy and hatred. Once you begin to see her as someone who has come to replace or outshine you, you would always seek ways to outshine her leading to unhealthy rivalry.
I always advise my friends who are in a tight corner with their MILs to do all they can to create an enabling environment where both parties can at least agree or meet each other half way. Try to also see her as your mother and an individual who raised a good man for you. But, when and if you have exhausted all options for peace and you still don't get it, it is okay to back down and mind your home afterall, your husband should be the most important person in your life and not his mother.
And to MILs, see your son's wife as an extension of your child. The same love you extend to your son, extend to his wife. Do not meddle in their affairs. But, if you must, simply act as a pure channel to mediate and help them resolve their crisis.
I pray we have more happy homes than broken ones. Thank you for reading. Please like, comment your thoughts and share. ❤️
