23/12/2025
RUGBY Is Not the Problem. YOU (Adults) Are!
Rugby has long been described as “a beast game played by gentlemen.”
It is physical, demanding, and sometimes brutal, yet it is built on discipline, respect, and self-control. The game is designed to shape character. When it fails to do so, the failure does not belong to the child. It belongs to the adults around them.
At its core, rugby is a team game. Players learn how to lead and how to be led. They learn to submit to structure, accept decisions, and take responsibility for the person next to them. These values are not optional. They are the foundation of the sport.
This is what makes the current state of junior rugby so concerning. Increasingly, the game is being damaged not by the players, but by parents and coaches. Coaches screaming, using vulgar language, mocking players, taunting referees, and provoking conflict. Parents who do not understand the laws of the game yet loudly justify dangerous play such as high tackles. Parents arguing with other parents as if the touchline is a battlefield.
Let’s be clear. The real problem is not noise. The real problem is EXAMPLE and BEHAVIOR.
Underage players are watching everything. They learn far more from what they observe than from what they are told. When adults lose control, children learn that losing control is acceptable. When adults disrespect referees, children learn that authority can be challenged without consequence. This is how poor behaviour quietly becomes club culture.
Banter has always existed in rugby, and it always will. But banter is not abuse. Rugby people are known for having sharp minds, strong bodies, and thick skin. We joke, we push, we sweat. But we do not humiliate, threaten, or degrade others, especially in front of children. That line matters.
One of rugby’s most powerful images is a large, physical player calmly accepting instruction from a referee half his size. That is rugby. Respect is not about size or ego. We listen. We speak properly. We accept decisions. We do not fake injuries or shout abuse at officials. Kita bukan macam satu sukan itu. Kita ada maruah bro!
For adults involved in junior rugby, the role is simple but not easy. Be calm on the sideline. Relax and chill. Let coaches coach. Let referees referee. Correct mistakes without humiliation. Praise effort more than results. When adults show restraint, children learn it. When adults show respect, children follow.
There are also behaviours that should never be normalised. Stealing equipment from other teams. Bad mouthing opponents in front of children. Turning ugly conduct into “club culture”. Bila benda ini dibiarkan, rosaklah semuanya.
At the UNDERAGE level, winning is not the primary objective. Stop pretending it is. Winning is a bonus. Learning is the mission. Discipline. Respect. Emotional control. Brotherhood. Teamwork. Understanding that rugby is bigger than one match or one tournament.
If your only focus is winning, you are in the wrong place. Rugby is not a platform for adults seeking validation through children’s results. Character is everything. Without it, trophies are just empty metal.
REMEMBER! These players are underage. They absorb what they see from those closest to them; parents, coaches, siblings, teammates. It takes a village to raise a child. In rugby, you are that village.
So act like one.
Credit: Pak Lan Kosas
