06/11/2023
WHY DID "I" CLIFF LET YOU GO??
I am more at peace with myself. Maybe, I have insulated myself. I am in my happy little bubble of few people and limited conversations. I don’t feel bored. I don’t feel like meeting new people. It’s okay, I feel. I have learned my lessons. I have cried my tears. I am at a happy place in my life now. There are no toxic people. There is just calmness. So when I come across someone whom I even like, I just take a step back. I don’t know why. But after the initial spark. I just feel a little doubt in my head. I just get scared. And I just let it be. I don’t make the efforts needed to make any new equation work. I feel it slipping away, but I just let it go.
Is something wrong with me? Maybe. Or am I just in a phase when new people are just not needed, you know? It’s a risk, after all. And maybe, I don’t want to take that chance. It’s okay. You are a nice person. And I liked you. I loved our conversation. But now please go back. It was nice. Let me keep it as a happy memory. God bless you. That’s how I have let go of many people in the last year or so. Was it my fault? Was that person not good enough? Or was I not good enough? Or we just met at the wrong time? I don’t know. But I can tell you that I had mixed feelings. I kind of felt sad that we could not grow into something more. And I kind of felt happy that I did not get my heart broken this time. So, you know right? What exactly I am saying is that I don’t know. But it’s okay. It’s okay, right?
Maybe, it was good but was not magical enough. Maybe, I met the stars in my skies. But I did not meet my moon. Maybe, I smiled with their smiles. But my soul did not feel that vibe. Maybe, my expectations from people are far too much because I have burned too much while adjusting and accepting. Maybe, I realize soon enough that it won’t last long. Maybe, I get scared of being too happy. Maybe, I want the other person to make more efforts, for a change. Maybe, I secretly want to be chased and wanted. Maybe, I am just meant to be alone. Or maybe, it was all God’s plan to make me wait until I meet my miracle. Maybe, right?
~cliff
