Milan Karmeli

20/11/2021

maturity

What is maturity? Can we arrive there or are we bound to continuously lose and regain it?

At its core, maturity means we are no longer afraid of our inner duality. We no longer avoid difficult feelings of shame and guilt. We accept our vulnerability without constantly fighting or collapsing.

Acting maturely doesn’t mean we no longer have fears, but rather we don’t avoid the pain caused by our fears.

When we act from maturity, it is not our actions themselves which reflect a mature state, but rather the intention present while we act.
Maturity is felt when we’re present to an experience without going into manipulation or drama. We no longer fear who we’ve become, and accept the deep duality present within. Maturity accepts that life is filled with limitations and that I actually ‘can’t have it all’.

Maturity is embodied wisdom.

18/11/2021

Healing
When we think about healing, we need to put aside any expediency and expectations for specific outcomes. Instead say, ‘I am here to look’. It’s always healing to face and look at something.

Usually we’re in search of healing modalities and miracle cures that get rid of the pain caused by humiliation, rejection, abuse (and the list goes on). We want to run and solve the ‘problem’.

The pain though must be respected regardless of what we want. Not being able to look and looking away is what caused the pain in the first place.

We easily say to our pain: ‘If I give you my time and attention, then I expect you to acknowledge that I was right in return.’ Healing doesn’t care much for our deals. The pain wants us to be present and open to what we feel and needs to be said. Again, exactly what was missing in our past where the pain originated.

15/06/2021

The (powerful) Victim
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The psychological reference of being a ‘victim’ is often used. We tend to call people out saying ‘You act like a victim’ or ‘don’t be such a victim’.
However, what does it really mean to behave in a victim-like manner or to be stuck in the experience of victimhood?
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While acting indecisively and without interaction with the anger that lies beneath it, all of us are engaged in the victim mentality. As victims, something in us is waiting. *We seek attention, *we don’t really look for resolution, *we’re in the never-ending loop of our suffering narrative, *we want others to feel sorry for us and be given a break.
As victims we reach out for help, but when it’s available or offered, we don’t accept it.
The essence of being a victim is to avoid moving forward.
We justify our stuckness by righteously defending our pain, which we blame on the outside.
In order to step out of our victim mentality, we first need to acknowledge the power struggles hiding beneath. Recognizing our own aggression and the many ways we manipulate people is crucial here. Ultimately, we need to have the courage to let go of the protective shield we have built with our "justified suffering" and allow ourselves to reach out for real support.

18/01/2021

If you find yourself 'feeling special', you might be becoming complacent. Being the special one in your environment is a place of comfort, self-importance, and self-indulgence.
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Inauthenticity and traits of narcissism may follow and distort your sense of reality. And, the lack of challenge that is a result of feeling special, will stifle your personal and spiritual growth.
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27/10/2020

There seems to be a natural inclination in us to strive for balance.
We are sensitive to imbalance and react by attempting to rectify it. It's visible in how we respond to people we perceive as arrogant or "full of themselves".
Something in us wants to bring them down to earth. And with those we perceive as "suffering" or "pessimistic", we try to lift their spirit.
So, balance symbolizes a state of "in between"; not this nor that, but rather this and that. But accepting this normal and simple state in ourselves is more challenging.
However, noticing that we look for balance in others can pave the path to finding more compassion for ourselves.
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14/10/2020

When we find ourselves avoiding compromise, it indicates a mis-attunement to life and also gives us a glimpse into how we ‘take’. There can be different reasons for having difficulty with compromise; a major one being, that we don’t want to lose our freedom. But, what this actually means, is that our connection to the flow of life has been interrupted. We’re afraid to lose our sense of ‘being special’, and this wound has its roots in childhood.
But why is our understanding of and readiness to compromise so important. Because life is filled with limitations that reveal themselves with every significant choice we make; opposite family members, in our relationships and friendships, while building and maintaining our professional identity or having children. To accept compromise gives us the experience of being in the flow of life, even though we connect ease to the word ‘flow’ and life is by no means easy. In compromise, we find mutual help and support; we’re not doing it alone. Resisting compromise leaves us in the illusion of being able to make it on our own.
of life

27/07/2020

Tuesday evening, July 28th, at 5.30PM CET.
A webinar that takes a fresh look at the relationship to our anger.

  Embracing Anger: A Fresh Look at Our Relationship with Anger with Milan A One-Night Webinar on Anger July 28, 5:30 – 7:30 p.m. CEST (Italy/Germany Time) REGISTER NOW   Our relationship to anger is complex and unconscious. We feel it, whether we want to...

26/07/2020

When we feel guilty, we often don't know for ourselves what is important.
Guilt feeds off knowing what is important to others, truly or believed to be so.
The clearer we can feel into what’s important to us, the less guilt will control our every move. Becoming clear about what’s important to us actually requires us to pave our own path, and that may trigger the feelings we want to avoid in the first place: guilt and disappointment.

29/06/2020

We don’t change, simply because our personality is too complex and heavily invested in making life safe for us.
But, what can happen is that patterns, needs, fears, worries, etc. can fall away.
Every-time this happens, there is a sense of coming a little closer to home. As long as we are looking for ‘change’, we are acting from an egocentric place that rejects pieces in us. Inquiring into who we’ve become creates an openness and curiosity. That in itself weakens our defenses and shadow materials no longer have to be repressed.
Knowing and accepting ourselves results in ‘not taking yourself too seriously’; there is acceptance which allows parts in our personality structure to fall away. 'Wanting' change, slows down the healing process.

24/05/2020

When disappointment becomes a core dynamic in any significant relationship, something deeper is at play. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Disappointment is a multifaceted experience. It bears the hallmarks of being insatiable, manipulative, weaponised and deep vulnerability all at the same time. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
When disappointment is aimed at us, it says "see my needs and take care of them". At first, we make relentless attempts to satisfy until it gets too suffocating. Previous hopes of being important and fill a hole in someone's life are followed by resentment, resignation and leaving. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Beyond the manipulative and passive-aggressive workings, disappointment also has the most delicate and sensitive sweetness that says "I need to be important and valuable to you. Your attention is so nourishing to me". Often, a deep shame for needing to be seen and having needs in the first place, lays at its core.
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And then, there are people, who absorb the whole dynamic within themselves and say "I'm the disappointment". No matter, which side we stand on (we usually are in all places at one time), the healing lies in asking for what is needed, as painful and shameful it may seem. And for those hoping to relieve the struggle and pain, it is healing to risk disappointing others. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Something real and free can return to the relationship.
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18/04/2020

A question that returns throughout life is what should be changed in us. We look for a more integrated personality, resilience, more flow instead of resistance, less suffering, more openness. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
The problem with change is our attitude towards it. We equate change with something being wrong with us, that needs fixing. It's unlikely we can create positive movement in us with this harsh and unloving attitude. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Instead, we can ask ourselves ‘What wants to be remembered’? ‘Remembering’ recognizes that a given quality is already part of us. It’s a subtle but important difference.
For example, I may face the following dilemma: "I’m struggling to respect the opposite s*x, but still want to attract a partner into my life". It’s close to impossible to respect someone you never learned to respect in the first place. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
However, notice saying to yourself, "I remember the importance my parent of the opposite s*x played in my life and I acknowledge his or her struggles". Immediately, this allows us to tap into something we can recognize in ourselves. I suddenly have direct access to it, without feeling wrong for not having. In this example, I recognize the respect for struggle. It's an acknowledgement. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
So, when I allow myself to tap into remembering, it can become part of me more easily. Remembering, instead the need for fixing, allows for change to emerge more naturally.
However, remembering also makes us more vulnerable and human. Its an inclusive quality that understands and recognizes. While change is active and controlling, and it keeps us more guarded.
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