28/04/2026
This body has been through so much.
Grief. Abuse.
22 years of obesity.
4 pregnancies.
A lot of mental and emotional trauma.
Most days, I can’t even look in the mirror. I don’t like what I see.
How do you care for something that feels like it’s failed you?
Last year, I lost a lot of weight for my bikini show. For the first time in 22 years, I felt good.
Then I came out of prep, did it wrong, and gained 13kg back — faster than I lost it.
I feel disgusted. Unhappy. I’ve cried a lot.
How did I let myself get back here?
So I tried to lose it again… but my body isn’t responding.
It feels like it’s let me down again.
But the truth is — bodybuilding is extreme.
It messes with your hormones, sleep, and mindset.
Everything becomes about the scale, and your worth gets tied to a number.
My body needed a break… and I didn’t give it one.
So of course it’s burnt out.
I have an amazing coach in , and we’re taking a different path right now.
She believes in me — even when I don’t yet.
I’m still angry. Still sad. But I trust her, and I’m trusting the process.
And I have the most supportive partner beside me, reminding me how far I’ve come — even when I can’t see it.
These photos are from a recent shoot, and all I can see is the fat. But if I truly look hard enough- I can see a woman who is a fighter. A mum who never gives up. A career woman who pushes hard to be successful. And a powerful, strong woman who lifts a s**t tonne of weight and has a good set of legs!
I am in recovery. And I will beat this.