Actually She Can

Actually She Can Helping busy working midlife women have more energy, momentum and joy.

Down-to-earth, no-fluff support that cuts through the crap, calms the chaos, rebuilds worth, and gives you back your spark for your Second Act 🧡

New programme starts January 2026🍂

Really useful morning spent with TDAS. Thank you ☺️
21/02/2026

Really useful morning spent with TDAS.

Thank you ☺️

12/01/2026

For those of you who know me, you know I have a LOT on my plate right now, and so I am preferring to keep my head down and just focus on my folks, whilst we work through this heart-breaking chapter. For that reason I had largely ignored an awful article that was written about me, with a dreadful clickbait article, and in my "wintering" to recognise that in time it will pass ...
However, this weekend I have had a lot of messages regarding a FB account that has used a screen shot of the article (not the actual article) just my photo and the clickbait headline, and after just ignoring it for 3 days today I have chosen to comment because I cannot work out whether the FB post is a woman supporting another woman or if she is undermining my experience and that hurts.
When we share our most intimate experiences with journalists, we trust that they will write the story and choose a headline that reflects the promise they made to us, or at least that has been my experience for many years of working with the media, but sadly on this occasion that was not the case.
What I had intended as a way to share the negative impact that menopausal hormonal transitions can have on our mental health and our relationships, as an education and awareness piece, has been turned into an article, with a sh!tty headline, that has given people chance to hurl abuse at me and accuse me of all sorts ... I just ignored the original comments on the post as they were mainly male, poor spelling, poor grammar and across the pond 🇱🇷 - and got on with my carenting, but then this was screenshot and had an AI post attached to it, and folks have messaged me, so I have responded on the post - maybe I should have just continued to ignore but I fundamentally believe that the impact of hormones on mental health, and therefore our relationships, even the relationship WITH OURSELVES, can be affected PLUS a photo of my face and the clickbait heading is misleading and doing women no good.
Hopefully it will just go away? Hope so. My folks need my attention more right now xx

On the winter solstice, the sun takes its shortest, lowest path across the sky, giving us the shortest day and longest n...
21/12/2025

On the winter solstice, the sun takes its shortest, lowest path across the sky, giving us the shortest day and longest night of the year. Solstice is just after 3pm today, and traditionally we celebrate having survived the darkness and moving more into the light.

Solstice is an ancient celebration, observed by cultures worldwide - an invitation to connect with nature’s rhythm and a chance to pause, reflect and set intentions for the year ahead, which ties in beautifully with my routine of - a weekly reminder that rhythm, routine and rituals really do matter for our wellbeing.

Even if you feel as though the darkness is heavy just now, I hear you; just a reminder to look out for glimmers of light and hold them close. Whatever you’re carrying, whatever’s weighing you down, there are others walking through the dark alongside you and you know what? We’ve made it this far and we will continue forward, after the darkness there will be light - stick with it 🕯️

(Image - Woodlarking)

17/12/2025

When clickbait creates a pile on, it can be painful.

“Menopause made me divorce my husband.” That was the headline.

I had actually been interviewed about "how menopause can negatively impact relationships" - and I talked about what had happened when hormonal upheaval collides with chronic stress, emotional load, lack of empathy and years of "putting up with stuff". Not the same thing, but once the headline is out there, the nuance is gone. Context is stripped and the internet does what it does ...

What followed was a wave of abuse, and important to say clearly, 99% from men. Not men asking genuine questions or trying to understand, but men who were confidently wrong, poorly informed about menopause, and deeply invested in telling me I was at fault.

I was told I needed to “take accountability” as women blame everything but themselves. That my ex-husband was better off without me, and I had probably just taken him for all his money (OMG the irony!)

Then they got personal - my weight, my hair colour, my appearance - there was even a comment about my "fat fingers" - WTF?!

Abuse, lazy stereotypical assumptions and plain old misunderstandings. I'll not bother stating the facts of the matter here, iykyk, but let's say that misogyny over accuracy was their narrative.

“He was glad to see you go, looking the way you do.”

Men mocking women about a biological transition they will never experience, with absolute certainty and zero interest in learning, and yes it hurt, but I also felt angry - as it reinforced what I already knew, women struggling with menopause are misunderstood and trivialised, even by some other women whose experience was different.

Women have “put up with” menopause for decades, with limited research, training, funding and a societal expectation and a lack of understanding about how serious it can be for some women. Mine took me to a very dark place, hence the work I now do, and whilst menopause did not "make me" do it, it certainly changes the conditions under which we are living. Sleep, mood, stress tolerance, emotional regulation, cognition and resilience, which in turn can affect individuals, relationships and marriages.

For a moment, I regretted doing the interview - I don't need this nonsense right now - but then I started to get messages from other women who had experience like mine, women who were still wading deep through the hormonal transition and struggling, navigating work, caregiving, relationships and identity while their internal chemistry is shifting.

So yes, I hated the headline and the comments were painful to read, but the issue is bigger than me and until menopause is treated as a serious health and life transition for some, rather than a joke or a stick to beat women with, this will keep happening, so I guess I will keep speaking out and taking the flak, because silence saves nobody. Crucial conversations count.

Tomorrow is my final free online Masterclass for 2025 and it’s a midlife woman’s survival guide for the festive season -...
08/12/2025

Tomorrow is my final free online Masterclass for 2025 and it’s a midlife woman’s survival guide for the festive season - Ho, Ho, Ho!!

“Boundaries, Burnout & Bloody Christmas” is going to be a really useful lunch n learn session to help you jingle ALL the way - so if you are a busy, working, peri/menopausal woman, and you’ve not yet signed up, hurry!

I’m sharing my 4R’s Framework that will really help you enjoy the joy AND avoid those conversations that start with “I’m fine!” and end in tears …

See you tomorrow at 12.30pm 🎄🤶

Or will you be wide awake at 3am, desperately Googling, “is this burnout or just December?” In a recent survey, 68% of r...
05/12/2025

Or will you be wide awake at 3am, desperately Googling, “is this burnout or just December?”

In a recent survey, 68% of respondents said they feel worn out before Christmas has even arrived, and as 76% of women took responsibility for prepping most of the Christmas workload, and do it by themselves, my free Masterclass for December is designed to help midlife women especially.

“Boundaries, Burnout & Bloody Christmas” is free, online and you’d be welcome to attend.

Next Tuesday 9th at 12.30pm, bring a brew.

Let’s help you jingle ALL the way 🎄

Are you joining me at 12.30pm on the 9th?You’d be very welcome 🤗
30/11/2025

Are you joining me at 12.30pm on the 9th?

You’d be very welcome 🤗

Had I not been denied HRT for all those years, I think my life right now would be quite different. Working through my me...
26/11/2025

Had I not been denied HRT for all those years, I think my life right now would be quite different.

Working through my medical records this morning and I was shocked to see, on a black and white timeline, what my history looked like, and I’d forgotten that some drugs like amitryptiline had even been prescribed.

I actually think my perimenopause was the catalyst that finally ended a very unhappy marriage, at last, but I also think I would have handled events that followed in a much better way had I got the help (and HRT) that I now see I badly needed.

The divorce hearing, for example, when despite the Judge and my solicitor speaking sharply to me and advising me to NOT sign the settlement, (I signed the confirmation that I was accepting against their advice) - I went ahead and gave ground much more than I needed to, and it took me years to come back from there afterwards.

The police officer who patted me on the head after responding to my 999 call the night I thought I might be killed, telling me that my ex ‘was moving on and so should I’ - I was in no state to challenge that treatment.

The relationships I had with some people in my life that were fractured, some of which have never been rebuilt, might not have been had I been in a better place.

The money and hours spent on therapy that didn’t fix anything.

The time spent peering over the edge planning how to end my life.

The damage to my self worth that has no price tag.

I’m so glad times are changing and hopefully fewer women will look back in the way that I have today, and I’ll do my best to keep facing forwards and sharing my story to try to help those coming up behind.

This photo is from back then - I think the true story is plain to see 😢

If you watched the BBC’s Riot Women recently, you will know exactly why it struck such a chord with so many midlife wome...
25/11/2025

If you watched the BBC’s Riot Women recently, you will know exactly why it struck such a chord with so many midlife women.

I listened to an interview with the creator, Sally Wainwright, and she described it perfectly:

“It is not just about menopause though … it is about the things that come as a 50 to 55 year old woman, the kind of life things you just have to deal with, that come to get you, that you did not really see coming.”

I think that is why we loved it, because so many of us recognised our own reality in one (or more) of those characters.

The honesty.
The rage.
The humour.
Feeling invisible.
Carrying family stuff.
Navigating fractured relationships.
Being criticised by people who have not got a clue what you are juggling.

The sheer relatability of women saying, “Hang on… when did I start carrying all of this?”

The feedback has been brilliant and I understand Series 2 has already been agreed. Go Sally Wainwright!

She did a great job of portraying real women and highlighting how much is coming at us at this time of life, and how we need to make sure our own needs are being met too. Scented candles and pedicures are not enough. We need Rebellious Wellbeing.

Which is exactly why I am running “Boundaries, Burnout and Bloody Christmas” on Tuesday 9 December at 12.30 pm.

For many midlife women, December is where the emotional load and the festive load collide and without boundaries, you are the one who ends up running around, firefighting, smoothing things over, and collapsing into January exhausted.

This session is for you if:

- Watching Riot Women felt uncomfortably familiar
- You are already dreading the juggle that December brings
- You know you need better boundaries but do not know where to start
- You want practical strategies, not sugar-coated fluff
- You would quite like to enjoy Christmas without a resentment hangover

If that sounds like you, come along.

Link in comments.

Already last week two people asked me if I was “all set for Christmas?” and I wonder how many more times I’ll be asked t...
24/11/2025

Already last week two people asked me if I was “all set for Christmas?” and I wonder how many more times I’ll be asked that over the coming weeks?

Honestly love, I’m still navigating November and everything that THIS month requires of me!

The pressure that this time of year brings can be immense, there’s almost a competitive edge to it with being ‘all set’ or not, having the best decorated tree (Insta worthy obvs!), all your presents bought (and wrapped!) and a shopping delivery already booked with your butterball free range turkey crown already in the trolley 😜

If you’d like to find a way to protect your peace, enjoy the joy and avoid feeling like an elf on the edge by the 24th, join me in my free December workshop next week where we’ll talk about avoiding the overwhelm and staying merry & bright with less stress and more sparkle ✨ ✨

We are proud to tick off our ‘5 a Day’ achievement, which FYI is a great place to start, but not enough 😉🍏Folks lug arou...
18/11/2025

We are proud to tick off our ‘5 a Day’ achievement, which FYI is a great place to start, but not enough 😉🍏

Folks lug around those great big water bottles and tick the box for their 2 litres of hydration - again Jury is out …🤫💦

Going out for a run is also something to be proud of - spoiler alert, midlife may also need something different 🫣🏃‍♀️

HOWEVER we rarely hear folks brag about their 8 hours solid sleep! 😴 🥱

YET sleep is absolutely essential for our health and wellbeing, physically, mentally, psychologically - every system in the human body needs sleep but to suggest you are regularly getting your solid 8 hours isn’t something we talk about. Often getting your 8 hours raises an eyebrow - you’re not busy, you’re not hustling, you’re not achieving, you’re not important, right? 🤨🏅

That brain fog that you are blaming your menopause for is probably being made worse by your lack of sleep, and propping yourself up with coffee and sugary snacks really won’t help. Scrolling on your phone is probably making matters worse, and that glass of wine that helps you relax? Honestly, not a great choice 😫🍷

But I’ve been there - desperate to sleep and my mind won’t quieten, wide awake again at 2.37am, waiting for the sun to come up at 4.55 …. 🌄 😎

Rhythm, Routine and Rituals 🥁 💃🏻 🛀

That’s what we need and I’ll be banging the drum for the 3R’s at 12.30pm today on Zoom so if you’re a midlife woman who is fed up of feeling wired and tired and frustrated by the fog, please do feel free to join me 😘

Are you fed up of feeling tired all the time and want to get that elusive good night's sleep, regularly? Don't miss my u...
15/11/2025

Are you fed up of feeling tired all the time and want to get that elusive good night's sleep, regularly?

Don't miss my upcoming webinar: "Wired & Tired All The Time: Why Midlife Can Feel So Draining"

Where you'll discover the importance of the 3R's and leave with solutions that you can implement that same day.

Tuesday 18th November at 12.30pm - 45 minutes.

Do yourself (mind and body!) a favour! 👉https://actuallyshecan.co.uk to reserve your spot.

Online and FREE!

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