White Hart Athletic FC

28/01/2025

Tean Rangers Castilla 3-2 White Hart Athletic

THE MATCH REPORT IS BACK! The author has been away working hard to encourage more people to gamble but the people have spoken!

Derby Day was finally here, two teams raring to compete for victory. After beating the Rangers first in pre-season, White Hart were eager to tally another win and become truly dominant. We were so confident that we turned up with 11 men and no deep heat for the lads to rub up their candy asses after the game.

The match was destined for a scrappy game, a turfed up and wet mud pitch that had more holes than a red light district. And within the first ten minutes we had a man down after a nasty ankle roll, so head coach Barks stripped off, headband on and waltzed into the midfield. A fairly contested opening 20 turned when Tean headed in an inch-perfect cross, with Fred’s mop head blinding his vision and losing the striker.

But White Hart bounced back, grabbing an equaliser through Liam’s deflected shot on a corner, keeping up his unusual goalscoring form. But out of nowhere CHOKESLAM as Brad powers an opposition player into the floor, turning the game into a royal rumble. It was a main event fit for Wrestlemania, with chair shots, low blows, ni**le twists and ass slaps happening all over the pitch, with Gaffa Joe offering ringside commentary whilst walking the line. When it all calmed down, the crowd only saw 1 red card and 2 yellows, leaving everyone and their nan baffled after having front-row seats to extreme rules sunday league.

With 10 men and no subs, the Harts knew they were up against it and already playing in the s**t (wentlow’s pitch). We reached half-time with another Tommy Shelby team talk and Jack still warming up his hands in his nickers. A lot of Tean’s attacking threat came on the wings, with Chaz G and A*z putting in regular challenges and winning headers. Endless running from Jay up front despite him suffering from the new covid-20 (just a runny nose), backed up by the great legs of Alfie, Barks and Liam in the middle left one man free - Brammer. The best attacking threat in the game for Harts, he created space constantly and was rewarded when he floated into the box and blasted one top bins from a very tight angle.

Now winning but with half an hour left the pressure was on. But then Tean ruined all the fun and scored two towards the closing stages. To be fair, one was a penalty for the winger diving (Tommy hacked him down thinking we were still in a wrestling match). Tean’s many subs and lack of for the Harts ultimately steered the game, where neither side had lots of clear cut chances. Great battling from the Harts, unlucky in many ways on the day but kept fighting until the end.

MOTM: Brammer
Donut Of The Day: WWE World Champion Bradley

💫 Special Mention to the Sponsors for the continued support:
✂️ Psh Barbers & Ollie barbers
🚧 Staffs Civils & Surfacing Contractors LTD
💪🏻 Combat Injury Clinic
🍺 White Hart in Tean

24/01/2025

DERBY DELLA TEAN 🔥
Tean Rangers Castilla vs White Hart Athletic 🔵

📍The Wentlows Park, Tean, 10:30am Kickoff

Sunday 26th of January, no better way to spend a weekend than watching this instant classic!

Big points for both teams up for grabs, the Harts looking to build on the great result last week against league leaders!

💫 Special Mention to the Sponsors for the continued support:
✂️ Psh Barbers & Ollie barbers
🚧 Staffs Civils & Surfacing Contractors LTD
💪🏻 Combat Injury Clinic
🍺 White Hart in Tean

24/01/2025

Big Sunday morning game for you all! 🔵⚪️

This Sunday we are back in home action against White Hart Athletic FC

After a 6-0 win and a clean sheet the boys will be hoping to continue and push up the table.

White Hart also had a very positive result being the first team to take a point off Rocester last Sunday and did that with ten men 👏

It will be a great test for both teams and kick off is 10.30 at Wentlows, ST10 4DW ⚽️

Thanks to the sponsors…
Cross Keys Pub,Tean
Ambition Private Fitness Studio
Feathers & Fur Pet Sitting Service
S.A.S Travel Stoke
AJ Aesthetics
Hales Hall Caravan and Camping Park
Tean Fish Bar
Shades hair and beauty, tean
Babylon pizza cheadle
Aesthetically U, Advanced Aesthetics, Beauty and Training Academy
Carnwell Logistics
AC Plastering & Damp Solutions
A Picture of Elegance Clinic & Academy
W & D Gas & Heating Specialists Ltd
NRB surfacing and groundworks
DRH Surfacing LTD
Red Lion Inn Boundary
Smithfield Hotel
Warrior Coaching
PJH Flooring

23/01/2025

FINAL SCORE: White Hart 1-1 Rocester FC 🔵⚪️

New Year, new attitudes for the Harts as after a long christmas break, many of the lads came back with half of dry Jan down and more than a few empty backpockets keeping those Saturday nights out away.

We were the first team to take points off Rocester this season in what was a tight and cagey affair but a great result from the boys in a game where we could have taken all 3 points.

💫 Special Mention to the Sponsors for the continued support:
✂️ Psh Barbers & Ollie barbers
🚧 Staffs Civils & Surfacing Contractors LTD
💪🏻 Combat Injury Clinic
🍺 White Hart in Tean

19/01/2025

⚪️🔵⚪️🔵

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In the only fixture in the Premier Division saw Oldfields beat Tean Rangers 5-2 with goals from Jeffery x 2, Beardsley, Thorley and Baxter. Tean scorers were Dale and Lovatt. The result sees Oldfields move back to the top but having played a game more.

In Divison One league leaders Rocester dropped their first points of the season by drawing 1-1 with White Hart who stopped Rocester’s league winning streak and the only remaining 100% league record.

Second placed Tuns failed to capitalise on Rocester’s draw and suffered a 6-3 defeat against third placed Stone Town. Tuns scorers were Greensmith x 2 and Ball. Stone stay in 3rd but close the gap on the top two their scorers were Regan x 4, Baskerville and Lawrence.

Tean Rangers Reserves moved up to 4th with a 6-0 win at Ball Haye Green goals from Lockett, Reddin x 2, Kay x 2 and Ben-Ayed.

In Charity Trophy action all premier action saw Alton progress to the quarter finals beating Bulls Head 4-3 on penalties after a 2-2 draw goals from Morris and Newman for Alton and Archer and Birks for Bulls Head.

In all division one action Bramshall progressed to the semi finals beating Sudbury 4-2 with goals from Lobasco, Alkins, Beardsley and Lakin. Bullock and Matthews for Sudbury.

23/10/2024

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23/10/2024

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Halloween fancy dress party Saturday 2nd November!! 8pm onwards.

Prizes for best dressed...

Rockeoke with Toppo will be providing the karaoke and Disco

13/10/2024

🔵⚪️ White Hart Athletic vs Ball Haye Green 🟢⚫️

Sunday mornings are getting a little bit colder, but the Ipstones Memorial Hall Ground was sunny and clear, a great spot for locals and dogwalkers usually but today was interrupted by Liam’s moaning about having to play centre-back, Chaz S and Fred were still faking injuries (wanting the heavy scran from the Ipstones Memorial Hall Cafe instead). Both Barksy and Ben were present but had been hit by a bus as heavy nights made them want bed more than watching White Hart’s spanish tiki-taka 4-4-2 playstyle.

Kick Off

White Hart had chalk and cheese in centre-midfield, with Gumbo gliding round the pitch with ease and his partner Jack sweating like a dyslexic on Countdown. Both were making tackles and spreading balls like two naked streakers as the home side were enjoying a lot possession. It was clear The Harts would dictate the game, with attacks looking SAS-trained with shots flying in from everywhere at the Ball Haye goal, except this shooting was done with puppy pistols as they were doing little damage to the scoreline - was like watching 11 toothless dogs trying to chew a bone. Pure gums and all slobber. The two big bites were from Chaz L and Jay who didn’t approve of the stick from the bench for their many sitters.

⚽️ 1-0 White Hart

Another corner and a cracking Brammer delivery found itself on Liam’s big swede and landed in the upper 90. Just kidding he missed it and a Ball Haye defender scored instead - we tried to cover it up because Liam and goals aren’t usually in the same sentence. A first start for Shack meant we had a steam train on the right wing, making 1-2s with Jack and breezing past the Ball Haye defence. This is the Ibiza partnership coming into play, dropping game and busting moves from the dancefloor to the football pitch. After Wisey came on and Brammer getting more involved all we were just missing Wayne Lineker.

⚽️ 2-0 White Hart

Jay was like a chicken on a keyboard today, lots of action but no end product as he totalled 12 shots and a couple toe-punted sitters. He did put one away, keeping his one-goal a game consistent as Shack passed it through to him and he whipped the ball at the goal from the touchline, taking a looping deflection and landing in the net. You make you’re own luck so he deserved it, and once he puts all of his chances away it’ll be 4 goals a game easily.

⚽️ 2-1 Ball Haye Green

The Harts were a bit flat, probably hit the hangover wall for a lot of the lads, as the game became loose and wobbly like Brady’s kneecap. Out-of-character capo Chaz G hadn’t sent anyone to the hospital yet and not been booked. A bit of scrappy play on the edge of the box and a Ball Haye player poked the ball in the back of the net whilst falling down. Rumours are Isaac stepped out the way to let them score, he gets bored a lot during the game and was more focused on dodging the touchy No.9, who was keen on giving it out to everyone half his size and age.

HT: White Hart Athletic 2-1 Ball Haye Green

It looked like Stevie Wonder would have been a better choice upfront since every shot White Hart had was skied, missed or sent straight at the keeper, most of the lads playing with two left feet or having flashbacks from their last night out. An average performance with good chances created but shoddy finishing and more misses than ones watching on the sidelines. A*z and Shack looking most threatening and pulling the defence wide, and Jay jumping and running like a duracell bunny.

⚽️ 3-1 White Hart

After glimpses of action in the first half, Brammer aka Brazilian aka The Hammer was making himself a nuisance, making runs and whipping the ball in, eventually having one of his many crosses (should have had 5/6 assists today) converted by Chaz L. Despite not much to do, Tommy makes his presence known. Most people would have handbags when the No.9 stamps on your foot but if you’re gonna be a bear, be a grizzly and Tommy turned green and grew x10 in size, scaring the fairly big striker off with his tail tucked between his legs. Who’s the daddy?! Jake made his first appearance back in a couple weeks, hoping to bring that karate-kicking and chip pass flair. He finished the game with 3 touches and confirmation there’ll be a pitch invasion when he finally scores.

FT: White Hart Athletic 3-1 Ball Haye Green

A sign of a good team is finding a way to win even without a quality performance, White Hart didn’t need squeaky bum time to win but will be having spanky bum time for some of the lads as punishment for chances missed (i’ve heard Jack might enjoy it).

Man of the Match: A*z - An underrated performer after starting his career at White Hart in net and now making himself into a comfortable regular starter. A great outlet for attacking play at right-back, and solid positioning defensively. However, no one’s perfect and I hate to type this but he does play cricket, a terrible condition that he might hopefully recover from. Make-A-Wish will be started for him this week, hopefully getting Cheech and Chong to send him an autographed rizla.

Donut of the Day: Gaffa Joe - Not many blunders apart from most of the team missing sitters so my hand has been forced. Joe defected and played in goal for another team, letting in 5 goals and coming off injured after being chipped twice and sent to the shops.

💫 Special Mention to the Sponsors for the continued support:

🏠 Ipstones Memorial Hall
✂️ Psh Barbers & Ollie barbers
🚧 Civils & Surfacing Contractors LTD
- 📞 07711 167 036
💪🏻 Combat Injury Clinic
🍺 White Hart in Tean

06/10/2024

White Hart Athletic vs Bramshall FC

Back at the home pitch at Ipstones Memorial Hall, the Harts looked for the third successive win. Gaffa Joe finally returned, being no longer in his own head (where most of his friends live). Jokes aside he’s redeemed himself and so after a 2-0 loss to Bramshall a few weeks before, redemption was needed for the team and some individual players for ear-chewing sins on Friday night.

Kick Off

A lively start and a contest was forming, with plenty of competitive spirit showing from both teams. Although a sudden game stoppage by the ref was due to the grass near spectators at the side of the pitch being a little too green for his liking. Snoop Dogg ain’t gonna like it when he hears Bramshall are snitching on loud pack stardog.

⚽️ 1-0 White Hart

Death, taxes and teams struggling with Chaz G’s long throw are your guarantees in life, with one throw landing for Jay to d**k a header over the keeper. Bramshall need reminding that you can’t be offside from throws. Fred being the world’s most easily distracted lino means White Hart miss out on at least one throw-in every game but tbf there was 100 home fans blocking his view, not to mention Ans dressing like the Fresh Prince of Stoke-on-Trent and his ADHDLGBT child (Clarko) standing next to him. Both were dropping gems like two stupid jewllers and provided entertaining sideline commentary to the crowds and aggy verbal to Bramshall.

HT: White Hart Athletic 1-0 Bramshall FC

White Hart were the better of the two sides at the break, enjoying a lot of attacking play with the ref trying to stay on top of the chaos - Liam and Chaz G did their best good cop bad cop display with him at every decision. There were moves like jagger from Jack the Hammer Brammer as he linked up well with the forwards and Ethan constantly dropped into spaces to create key chances. Looking up in the sky its not a bird or plane but was Jay’s ginger-blonde head winning another ball and creating several flick-ons that should have been capitalised on.

⚽️ 1-1 Bramshall

A bit more attacking intent from Bramshall and the Harts had some defending to do. One winger decided he’d try out for the Olympics with a dive that’d earn him a perfect score (no action replay as Ipstones VAR failed to register the footage). Bramshall converted the penalty and scores were tied. This pressure continued as a soft yellow card for A*z after not stepping a foot wrong all game and the complete opposite straight after with Captain fantastic Chaz G earning his second yellow of the season with a scissor worthy of a le***an pornhub contract.

⚽️ 2-1 White Hart

But something changed, with White Hart pushing for another goal, Brammer becoming the attacking outlet he was in the first half and clearly he packed tekkers in his lunchbox today as he jinked it over to Jay for a 1-2 and then squared the ball to Ethan for a sweaty-tap in. This gave Liam ideas as he attempted a bicycle kick on the edge of the box, only to boot the defender who he was probably aiming for instead. Bramshall’s Bagsman winger was sent straight back to Greggs as A*z took the Brazilian title off Brammer becoming Brazza, dropping the shoulder and then megsing their captain two minutes later.

⚽️ 3-1 White Hart

With Bramshall looking like 11 green and black dogs who lost their bark, the home team were applying heavy presses to force a mistake, which found its way to Ethan who slid the ball through to four-finger Fraser who dispatched it into the corner - his thumb must have been in his mouth as he didn’t do his usual moaning today.

FT: White Hart Athletic 3-1 Bramshall FC

Man of the Match: Liam - Narrowly missing out last week, he anchored the midfield and provided stability to attacking play today and heading away any ball, player or tackle in the middle of the pitch. Brammer was a close shout with his bag of tricks, along with Jay and Ethan’s attacking prowess today.

Winning is being better today than you were yesterday, and White Hart are living up to that with performances getting better each and every week.

Donut of the Day: Hard to pick one today, Gaffa Joe made his return and Chaz S saved his lateness with a solid performance so today’s Numb Nuts of the Day is Ethan, the fella took one square in the plums leaving him little chance of another child for the next 3 years.

💫 Special Mention to the Sponsors for the continued support:

✂️ Psh Barbers & Ollie Barbers
🚧 Staffs Civils & Surfacing Contractors LTD
💪🏻 Combat Injury Clinic
🍺 The White Hart in Tean

29/09/2024

White Hart Athletic vs Leigh United 🔵⚪️

It was a Bobby Dazzler of Sunday to play football and cup fever for the boys in blue! Clarko didn’t realise there was a football match on, he was just there for the kids playground and Gaffa Joe decided to do his best John Cena impression as he was nowhere to be seen, AGAIN! A managerial partnership of Barks and Ben used a 4-4-2 for the starting lineup again.

Kick Off

A lively start for The Harts, another thrashing was on the cards, with little defensive pressure and plenty of chances being created. The right side of Fraser and A*z looked particularly threatening with two receding hairlines bombing down the wing and looking for a trip - not a trip as in a foul but instead a week-long trip to Turkey.

⚽️ 1-0 White Hart

Out of nowhere the ball was in the back on the net with Fraser showing why he can cheat on us with other teams some weekends, a cracking goal and Chaz L assist. Fraser then came off injured and yellow carded after opening the scoring due to a Leigh player catching him late, both goons then having some argy bargy mixed with a bit of ni**le twisting and ass grabbing. The game was getting tasty as tackles were flying in, Liam and Brady getting stuck in and both wanting to pull Leigh’s very own Shawn Michaels down by his ponytail.

⚽️ 2-0 White Hart

The pressure was on as attacks were relentless from White Hart, former child Chaz L doing his usual jinky majinky dribbling and laying it off to Jay who found the bottom corner. Shortly after, young Isaac found a path through the pitch like a prime David Luiz before getting pushed to the floor by a Leigh player. The Leigh no. 4 at centre back looked like he enjoyed this non-consentual assault a little too much as he couldn’t stop groping young Isaac on corners after. Up stepped Chaz S after his heroic free kick last week. Deep breath out, looked the keeper in the eyes and blasted it over the bar into the next field (watch the video below just for Kurt’s laugh in the background).

⚽️ 3-0 White Hart

The game was exciting for the 30 White Hart fans watching (record Uttox and District attendance) as the Leigh backline was begging for more punishment. A*z ‘the man of many talents’ Bazz sent a cross-field wonderpass to the left wing, with supporters praising even before Chaz L chippy chipped the ball over one defender and finished in the far corner.

⚽️ 4-0 White Hart

He changes playstyle every week but Brammer the Hammer was back, sending a Leigh player so far he disturbed the dead folks on the graveyard behind us and stood with his foot on the ball and looking like he was ready to whip his c**k out slap it across every face in the park. He kept it in his Calvin Kleins however and whipped in a corner a few minutes later, Chaz G jumping highest and smashing it past the keeper with a header.

HT: White Hart Athletic 4-0 Leigh United

A belter of a first half for White Hart, Brady and Liam keeping the midfield solid whilst being the two angriest men in the league, management classes might me due after arguing with every blade of grass of the pitch. Both were keeping the midfield tight but did enough crogging to force Barks to repeat no f*ckn fighting ten times in the team talk like Tommy Shelby. A successful first half with Jay, Chaz G and Liam forcing the ref to shove a yellow card up each of their candy asses (apparently not the first rodeo for each as***le).

⚽️ 4-1 Leigh United

Another slow start after the break and Leigh nabbed a goal back, don’t rlly care how they scored it and don’t think they were that bothered either. Subs were used with Jack dropping into midfield, winning headers and running at everything was debutant Ben aka Shacka Khan aka Mr. Christmas came early here’s an offside rulebook to read over the week. Although Jake is helping him so we might have to let next week’s lino know he’ll be using his flag a lot. Chaz L decided to play with two left feet to make the game harder for himself as he skied a free kick and missed a 1v1 with the keeper. This wasn’t in his insta stories football highlights and will be a bigger cover-up than a Diddy celebrity s*x party (Clarko works away there midweek not in Nantwich).

FT: White Hart Athletic 4-1 Leigh United

Another good team performance, no player having a bad game and everyone eager to impress. A set backline is creating a tight defensive unit alllowing attacks to be built quickly and the players have a much better understanding of each other with every game.

A lot of squad competition for places makes things exciting for the coming weeks, but this is how players will begin to improve and get White Hart to the standards we should be at.

Man of the Match: Chaz G - Captain Fantastic was yet again rough on a sunday morning from three shandies and no dinner the night before but by the almighty lord it makes him play. A thumping header and last ditch tackle in the box books his MOTM place today - Liam was close shout but went to keg a player in the first half and missed.

Donut of the Day: Gaffa Joe - After rumours of an anticipated return midweek, Gaffa Joe decided the fresh grass of Leigh wasn’t for him and once again no-showed. We all want you back Joe but you gotta do the truffle shuffle as an apology next game.

💫 Special Mention to the Sponsors for the continued support:

✂️ Psh Barbers & Ollie Barbers
🚧 Staffs Civils & Surfacing Contractors LTD
💪🏻 Combat Injury Clinic
🍺 The White Hart in Tean

23/09/2024

White Hart Athletic vs Leigh United

The rainy season had hit Stoke this weekend with heavy rain, tornados and tsunamis encouraging Gaffa Joe to call the game off at 4am Sunday morning. Was the pitch checked? Nope. So always eager Chaz L went down and saw that Ipstones Memorial Hall’s state of the art drainage left the pitch in perfect playing condition - GAME ON!

Kick Off

A good start from White Hart with plenty of attacking intent and various chances being missed or sent straight at the keeper. The defence having little to do meant Chaz L was going on walkabouts in goal, racking up the distance covered stats whenever he could. After being AWOL last weekend, Brammer the Hammer must have been to Rio favelas and back, with chops, backheels and body feints like prime Neymar - the now Brazilian Brammer was reguarly linking up well with Jay and A*z down White Hart’s right.

⚽️ 1-0 White Hart

A second free kick for Chaz S was lined up from about 40 yards as his newly tattooed long leg rifled it home, swerving and skidding off the grass leaving the keeper no chance.

HT: White Hart Athletic 1-0 Leigh United

A solid performance so far, would be fair to say White Hart were on top - just lacking the finishing touch in the final third. A half-time change of Chaz L swapping positions with Brazilian Brammer, making him our 7th keeper in 4 games this season.

⚽️ 1-1 Leigh

A very sluggish start to the second half allowed Leigh to slip back into the game after failing to put pressure on the goalscorer.

⚽️ 2-1 White Hart

But the goal kicked life into White Hart as after a few more minutes of sluggish play, they levelled with Chaz L finishing with a chip to get White Hart back in the lead.

⚽️ 3-1 White Hart

The momentum continued as Chaz L converted with another similar finish, now playing like Cold Palmer with composure in front of goal, adding a finishing touch to the attack with Jay winning headers like Drogba’s secret lovechild and Mase doing the dogwork leading up to the goal. A few minutes later it went from chippy chips Chaz L to chopper Chaz G as our Captain LB decided to hack their winger down with a fairly airbourne tackle that let Leigh know who’s in charge.

⚽️ 4-1 White Hart

It was turning into attack after attack as pressure was piled on the Leigh defence, with Chaz L’s shot being saved straight into the path of Rebin (who spent many minutes of the game on the floor) as he tip toed the ball with chest over the line before getting chopped by a Leigh player. But that didn’t matter, Rebin had bagged his first for White Hart as he pointed to the sky in celebration as the sun beamed down on him. Mashallah!

⚽️ 5-1 White Hart

Entering the final stages of the game and another White Hart break as Chaz L penetrated the Leigh backline with ease, sliding himself through despite the very moist surfaces and giving the keeper the eyes, rolling his balls around and slotting into a gaping net.

FT: White Hart Athletic 5-1 Leigh United

First win since pre-season and White Hart are starting to look like a proper team. Better communication and more players settling in, with flair and character displayed on the green green grass of Ipstones.

Man of the Match: Chaz L - It’s that name again in the headlines as today he impressed Sunday League-style; 45 minutes with a clean sheet in net and a 2nd half hat-trick up top. Enough said.

Donut of the Day: Gaffa Joe - Called the game off at 4am without a pitch inspection or team consultation and failed to turn up and watch the boys (in the running for Donut of the Season).

💫 Special Mention to the Sponsors for the continued support:
✂️ Psh Barbers & Ollie Barbers
🚧 Staffs Civils & Surfacing Contractors LTD
💪🏻 Combat Injury Clinic
🍺 The White Hart in Tean

21/09/2024

Anyone that could help please 🔵⚪️