04/10/2026
π¨β½οΈ LITTLE EAGLES FC ARE LOOKING FOR A COACHES! β½οΈπ¨
Are you bored of having a peaceful life?
Do you have too much free time at weekends?
Is your phone suspiciously quiet?
Would you like complete strangers to question decisions you made during an U8 football match? π
PERFECT. WE NEED YOU!
Weβre looking for someone brave enough to become a grassroots football coach.
What can you expect?
π Parents questioning your team selection.
π€ βWhy did my son only play there for 10 minutes?β
β½ Tactical advice from people standing 40 metres away.
π± WhatsApp messages at 6:14am and 11:37pm.
π§οΈ βCoach, is training still on?β while Noah is building his Ark.
π· Chasing monthly fees like a debt collector.
π§€ Looking for missing gloves, bottles, shin pads and footballs.
π Carrying enough equipment in your car to open your own sports shop.
π€ Being blamed when we lose.
π And when we win? Obviously the kids did it themselves.
Youβll also need to explain approximately 4,736 times per season that:
β Not everyone can play striker.
β Not everyone can start every match.
β Substitutions are actually allowed in football.
β Training is important.
β And no, shouting βSHOOT!!!β every three seconds isn't necessarily tactical coaching. π
WHAT DO WE OFFER?
π° Salary: Β£0.00
π Responsibility: MASSIVE
π± Messages: UNLIMITED
π§ Stress: FREE OF CHARGE
ποΈ Weekends off: ABSOLUTELY NOT
π Entertainment: GUARANTEED
You will become a coach, psychologist, taxi driver, administrator, mediator, meteorologist, accountant, kit man, motivational speaker and professional cone collector β sometimes all before 9am on Sunday.
But here's the problem...
β€οΈ You'll probably love it.
Because behind all the madness are kids who turn up wanting to play football, learn, improve, laugh with their teammates and make memories.
And somehow, after the worst week imaginable, one great performance, one smiling kid or one simple:
βThanks, Coach!β
..makes you forget that 20 minutes earlier you were considering moving to a remote island with no Wi-Fi. π
So...
STILL INTERESTED?
Congratulations.
You're clearly crazy enough to join Little Eagles FC. π¦
β½οΈπ
Apply at your own risk.