10/01/2026
UNICORNS BEGIN SPEED SKATING TRAINING AHEAD OF WINTER OLYMPIC GAMES
Residents across Scotland have reported numerous sightings of Scotland’s animals getting involved in winter sports over recent days. Just when things couldnt get crazier, sightings of unusual rainbow activity on frozen lochs have been spotted today, after a herd of unicorns were seen training for the Winter Olympic speed skating event.
Witnesses say the unicorns quickly abandoned traditional skating techniques, instead opting for a highly experimental propulsion method involving powerful, perfectly timed rainbow emissions. The result, record breaking lap times, vivid multicoloured trails across the ice, and a lingering smell described by officials as “magical… but honking.”
Unlike conventional speed skaters who rely on leg strength and aerodynamics, the unicorns appear to achieve acceleration by leaning forward slightly, focusing intensely, and letting nature take its glittery course.
Scientists observing the trials confirmed that the rainbow output provides thrust, creating what they’ve labelled “a previously undiscovered form of renewable horsepower.”
Local curling clubs have complained that the rainbows have left the ice too cheerful and slippery, while passing skaters reported being overtaken at speed by a unicorn shouting something that sounded suspiciously like “Make way, I’ve eaten skittles again.”
Olympic officials are currently reviewing the footage to determine whether rainbow based propulsion violates any existing regulations. Early indications suggest it does not, largely because no one thought to write a rule about it.
The unicorns, meanwhile, remain unfazed. Training is expected to continue nightly until the ice either melts, the rainbows fade, or Scotland officially becomes the most fabulous sporting nation on Earth.
Authorities have advised the public not to follow the rainbow, as it does not lead to gold, only to the backside of a potential winter olympic competetitor.