31/05/2019
BE CAREFUL WHAT THEY WISH FOR 🙏
It is our instinct as parents to want to praise and reward our children when they do well. And quite rightly so.
Why do we reward our children? 👏 Aside from the great feeling we get when we see our loved ones happy we reward them to encourage behaviours that we want to perpetuate. In essence praise and reward are a subtle but very powerful form of coaching. This coaching will shape the person that your child turns out to be and it has been shaping them since they were very very young.
If you accept that premise then it stands to reason that we should be mindful of exactly what we praise and reward as this will carry with it a clear and powerful message about what we value as being important. Over time this will imprint upon your child’s own value system and shape their personality and modus operandi as an adult. 👨👨👧
Praise and reward doesn’t have to mean showering your child with gifts and treats. Your kids are hungry for your approval. You represent their moral compass and subtle ways that you treat them differently when they win compared to when they lose, a shift in the way you communicate (or don’t communicate!) and even your body language can speak volumes about your approval or disapproval.
Your son or daughter looks to you for guidance. And they are always looking! A dedicated coach might be lucky enough to spend a few hours a week working with your child. You are with them 24/7. And they are constantly moulding themselves in your image.
As parents we must be vigilant; constantly on the hunt for teachable moments. For an opportunity to reinforce a valuable life lesson. Lucky for us sport is rich with them. Look to pounce on moments when your child demonstrates an exceptional attitude. Reward them for the quality of their endeavour and for their commitment to quality process. Do you want your child to grow up believing that your recognition and approval is based largely on results? Or god forbid that you love them more when they are winning? 😢
An outcome-oriented individual will withdraw effort from a task from which a successful outcome seems against the odds. As parents we have a responsibility to help instil in our children the kind of character traits that will help them to become happy, healthy and successful as adults.
How many adults have you come across who have achieved success in their respective fields, the kind of success you would wish for your child, having done so by persistently giving up whenever a task seems too difficult? I would imagine very few. Whereas a child who has learnt through your reinforcement and reward that character traits such as persistence, hard-work, resilience, emotional control, independent thought, discipline and problem-solving are achievements in themselves will grow up with the potential to achieve incredible things both on and off the tennis court. Reward the hell out of those things. Every single time you see them. 👌
Practical steps:
✔️Make a list of character traits and qualities that you would like to see in your child
✔️Use this list to create a match review sheet that your child can use to self-reflect on their performance
✔️Praise these qualities as often as you can including (especially?) when your child loses or performs poorly so that they come to understand that your positive feedback is not contingent upon winning
✔️Look for opportunities to praise your child when they demonstrate these qualities away from the tennis court - e.g at school, at home, other sports
