25/10/2026
🍌💛 BELLOOOOO! BANANAAAA! THE MINIONS HAVE TAKEN OVER UCL FUTSAL! 💛🍌
BEE-DO! BEE-DO! BEE-DO! 🚨🚨
It’s been quite an eventful week in Gru’s laboratory. 🧪
Last week, we witnessed a somewhat expected crash-out from one of our very own Minions regarding our previous coach. Despite previously agreeing to work under the old regime, he was apparently horrified to discover that we had actually appointed a competent coach. (Yes we sacked a coach in one game)
WHAAAAAT?! POOPAYE! 💀🍌
But enough drama. Halloween is upon us, and the MINIONS have arrived.
PAPOYYYY! 🍌
ONTO THE GAME. ⚽
Led by El Capitano (Gru), the Minions wasted no time swarming the pitch with a relentless, banana-fuelled press, forcing St Mary’s to retreat into their own half.
And then, STAR BOYYYY 🤩⭐ struck gold. Not once, but TWICE.
Our beloved freshie Dan also got in on the action, calmly slotting home a cheeky 1v1 to open his account for the season.
HALF-TIME: 3–1. BANANAAAA! 🍌
The second half brought even more chaos.
BEE-DO! BEE-DO! BEE-DO! 🚨
Aggressive shouting could be heard, and for once it wasn’t coming from Gru. Instructions for St Mary’s to “JUMP HIGHER, SHOOT BETTER, RUN FASTER” echoed across the court. Music to El Presidente’s ears. 😭
Meanwhile, bananas were clearly scattered all over the pitch, as the opposition kept slipping while the Minions continued their rampage.
Our resident TOP SH***ER KON 🐐 then produced some beautiful hold-up play before finding himself on the scoresheet.
Next up, our blockbuster summer signing from Bristol, BIG NICK, unleashed an absolute THUNDERCUNT into the back of the net, before kindly advising the opposition to simply play better.
Finally, yours truly, EL PRESIDENTE 👑, rounded off the scoring with a respectable finish to bring the Minions home victorious.
SIX GOALS. ONE GRU. ELEVEN MINIONS.
MINION COSTUMES ON WEDNESDAY OR U GETTING FINED!!! 😡
Special thanks to for somehow transforming us into an actual functioning futsal team, rather than whatever the f**k we were doing last season and last game. 💀❤️
BANANAAAAAAAAAAAA! 🍌💛💙
