02/09/2026
Finding Your Third Space
I’ve been thinking a lot about this idea of a “third space”.
Not home. Not work. Just… somewhere else. Somewhere you can turn up without having to host, perform, explain yourself, or be “on” for everyone. A place where you’re not just a mum, a dad, an employee, a taxi driver for the kids, the person who sorts everything out. You’re just you for an hour.
And I think loads of adults are missing that now, even if they can’t quite put their finger on what feels off. Home used to be home, but for most people it’s also admin, noise, screens, chores, everyone needing something. Work is work, even if you do it from the kitchen table, and it’s still pressure, targets, emails, being “switched on”. Then in between those two places there’s… what exactly? Scrolling. Netflix. Another night in because you’re tired. Another “we should catch up soon” message that never becomes a plan.
We used to have more third spaces without even trying. Pubs, youth clubs, sports clubs that were affordable, community centres that were busy, places you’d bump into the same faces every week. Some of that has drifted, some of it has been priced out, some places have closed, some people are working weird hours, and honestly sometimes it’s just easier to stay in and not bother. But the cost of that adds up, quietly. People feel lonely without saying the word lonely. People feel flat. People feel like they’ve lost themselves a bit.
That’s why a good club can be way more important than people realise. Martial arts, football, rugby, dance, boxing, whatever it is… when it’s done properly it becomes a third space almost by accident. You turn up. You get welcomed like you belong there. You move your body. You focus on something real. You laugh at something stupid someone says in warm-up. You get a nod from someone who’s seen you show up even when you couldn’t be bothered. Then you go back out into the world feeling a bit more like yourself again.
Martial arts is especially good for this because you don’t have to be chatty to connect. You can train alongside people for months, build trust, and it happens through effort, not forced conversation. You share that little struggle of trying to improve, even when you’re tired, even when your week’s been a mess, and that shared effort steadies you.
I found my third space in karate about 30 years ago and it’s become a huge, passionate part of my life. It’s been my safe space. It’s where I’ve been able to let loose and be open amongst friends, where I’ve made connections with hundreds, maybe even thousands of people over the years… some briefly, others deep and long lasting. It’s given me opportunities to travel, expand my horizons, experience things I would’ve completely missed otherwise. And somewhere along the way I’ve been lucky enough to make it my living, which still blows my mind sometimes… that I get to provide a third space for other people when they walk through our doors.
But here’s the bit people miss. A third space doesn’t just “happen” because you rent a hall and run classes. It’s created, then it’s protected. It’s in the little moments. How new people are welcomed. How safe the training feels. Whether people get treated with respect when they’re brand new, whether the standards are honest, whether the culture has integrity, whether people feel supported instead of judged. Whether the place quietly encourages you to commit, improve, and maybe inspire someone else just by showing up. People feel that stuff straight away, even if they never say it out loud.
If you’ve got a third space already, don’t take it for granted. Turn up. Be part of what makes it feel like a place people can breathe. And if you’re looking for one, don’t overthink it… find a good room with good people and give it a few weeks. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be real.
- Richard Hang Hong
