29/06/2026
I know It’s only Youth football……
But I’m ruining it……
I visited a youth football tournament.
Not as a coach.
Not as a Director of Football.
Just as a parent, watching while my own children officiated as referees.
It was a fascinating experience… and, if I’m honest, quite a shocking one.
For so long I’ve stood inside the technical area. It almost becomes a sanctuary. You’re focused on your players, your decisions and your team. You don’t always hear everything that’s being shouted from the touchline.
When I coach I say very little, my players need to make decisions for themselves.
I sat with the parents.
What I witnessed reminded me exactly why, at Sussex RTC, we have always asked one simple thing…
Let them play.
Every decision that someone disagreed with seemed to trigger abuse. Referees were shouted at. Young players were criticised. Parents argued with other parents. Obscenities were aimed in every direction.
And for what?
The referee is a human being. Many of them are children themselves, giving up their weekend because they love football.
The players are children too. They play because they love the game. They dream of becoming the best version of themselves, perhaps even professionals one day.
But there is another consequence that many adults never consider.
Children learn behaviours from the adults around them. If they constantly hear parents shouting at referees, abusing opponents or arguing with other parents, they begin to believe that this is what football looks like. Instead of focusing on improving their ability, their attention is drawn to the chaos around them.
That doesn’t help their development.
It distracts them.
It limits them.
It slows their progress.
Here’s another reality that many people fail to understand.
When scouts attend matches and tournaments, they aren’t just watching the player. They’re watching everything.
They’re watching how the player behaves.
They’re watching how the coach behaves.
And yes… they’re watching the parents too.
The family is often seen as part of the package. Clubs invest years into developing young players, so character, behaviour and environment matter just as much as technical ability.
If a scout has to introduce themselves because of behaviour coming from the touchline, the opportunity may already have passed.
Ask yourself one question:
If you were recruiting young players into your club, would you want that behaviour becoming part of your environment?
What struck me most today was this.
While coaches argued with officials and parents argued with one another, everyone seemed to miss the most important part of the day…
The players.
Instead of seeing quick decisions, brave passes and creative football, I saw players taking too many touches. Playing as individuals rather than as a team. Looking towards the touchline instead of solving problems for themselves.
Why?
Because the noise had become louder than the game.
Their concentration disappeared. Their confidence dropped. Their focus shifted from playing football to worrying about the reactions of the adults around them.
The very people who wanted the best for them were, in many cases, becoming the biggest distraction to their development.
So I left asking myself one simple question…
Who is this actually about?
Is it about the adults winning the argument?
Or is it about giving children the very best environment to learn, enjoy the game and become the best players—and people—they can be?
People often ask why we’re so firm about touchline behaviour. Why we ask parents not to coach. Why we ask for encouragement rather than instruction.
Today reminded me.
The game belongs to the players.
They deserve the chance to make decisions, make mistakes, solve problems and enjoy football without fear of hearing constant criticism from the sidelines.
At Sussex RTC we’ve never tolerated abuse towards officials, opposition, our own players or other parents. We ask you to trust the coaches and simply support the children.
As I often tell our players…
There can be no excuses.
It’s time we expected exactly the same from the adults including spectators…….