03/05/2025
The Gentle Way Forward: What Martial Arts Can Teach Our Kids in the Age of Toxic Masculinity
In a quiet sports hall in Lewes, East Sussex, every Tuesday evening, children aged 5 to 15 step barefoot onto the mat. They bow. They begin again.
Some are shy. Some are loud. Some bounce with excitement, others carry quiet burdens. But once on the mat, they’re equals. We teach them Judo and traditional Ju-Jitsu—but what they’re really learning goes far beyond technique.
One evening, a mother who works in education approached me after class.
“I wish I could bring the boys I work with here,” she said. “They need this. Really need it.”
She wasn’t referring to the throws or locks. She meant the values. The respect. The stillness. The smile exchanged after randori. The grace in defeat. The applause when a girl outwits the strongest boy. She saw something missing in today’s culture—and found it alive in our club.
A Different Kind of Strength
We live in a time where young men are increasingly drawn to figures like Andrew Tate—charismatic, controversial, and selling a version of masculinity built on dominance, entitlement, and control, especially over women. These messages exploit the vulnerabilities of boys looking for identity, direction, and meaning.
But they offer a brittle vision of strength.
In contrast, traditional martial arts—when taught in their full, philosophical richness—offer a deeper, more enduring kind of power. One rooted not in control of others, but in mastery of self. Not in hierarchy, but in harmony. Not in force, but in understanding.
And that’s what we try to pass on each week at Lewes Judo and Ju-Jitsu Club.
Technique Is Only 1/5 of the Art
Many people believe martial arts are primarily about fighting. But in reality, technique is just one-fifth of what we teach. The rest is ethics, mindset, spirit, self-regulation, and connection.
This perspective is rooted in the teachings of two towering figures in martial arts history:
Jigoro Kano, the founder of Judo, who systematised martial arts as a vehicle for education and personal development
Kenshiro Abbe, a 6th Dan in Judo, master of traditional Ju-Jitsu and founder of the British Judo Council, who brought Judo to the UK in the 1950s and embodied the deeper spiritual path through his philosophy of Kyu Shin Do
Jigoro Kano’s Three Pillars of Judo
Kano wasn’t interested in merely creating better fighters. He wanted to create better people and a better society. His Judo was grounded in three key principles:
1. Seiryoku Zenyo (精力善用)–Maximum Efficiency, Minimum Effort
Every movement should be measured, purposeful, and efficient—not wasteful. This principle applies not just to technique, but to life itself. It teaches our young people that strength lies in economy and elegance, not in aggression.
2. Jita Kyoei (自他共栄)–Mutual Benefit and Welfare
This idea is revolutionary: we rise by lifting others. All training is cooperative. Growth comes through shared effort. This flies in the face of individualism and ego. It’s a direct counter to the “crush your opponent” culture found online.
3. Jiko no Kansei (自己の完成)–Personal Development
Judo is a lifelong path of self-refinement. Of learning to listen, adapt, reflect. True mastery is internal. But Kano was not the only philosopher-warrior shaping Judo’s direction.
Enter Kenshiro Abbe and Kyu Shin Do
When Kenshiro Abbe arrived in the UK in 1955, he brought more than technique. He brought a spiritual force—a way of being. He had trained under Kyuzo Mifune, one of the greatest Judo technicians ever, and held mastery in multiple martial arts. But it was his philosophy of Kyu Shin Do that left the deepest impression.
Kyu Shin Do is the “Circle, Heart, Way.” It expresses a worldview grounded in:
Kyu (求) – Seeking
Shin (心) – Heart or spirit
Do (道) – The path or way
It teaches that martial arts must be fluid and natural. That progress comes not from struggle but from yielding, adapting, and harmonising with the universe. Kyu Shin Do demands that we align ourselves with nature, with others, and with our true selves.
This ethos continues to shape how we teach in Lewes.
Equal on the Mat
One of the most beautiful things about our dojo is that everyone bows in equal. No one is more important. Gender, strength, experience—none of it matters. What matters is effort, respect, and character.
I remember an in-club competition. A strong, athletic boy—widely expected to win—faced a focused, quiet girl. She used a simple trick of balance, a classic Ju-Jitsu movement, and put him on the mat. There was silence.
And then he applauded her. Unprompted. Sincerely.
That is the spirit of Judo and Ju-Jitsu. That is Kyu Shin Do in action.
Why This Matters Now
At a time when boys are being told to dominate, we teach them to cooperate.
At a time when social media rewards bravado, we reward humility.
At a time when anger is mistaken for strength, we show them how to fall—and rise—with grace.
At a time when young men are encouraged to see women as lesser, we make it clear: everyone is equal on the mat.
These lessons are vital. Not just for children. For society.
Our Moral Compass
Our values are not slogans—they are lived, every Tuesday:
Courtesy – Respect in every interaction
Courage – Facing fear without violence
Honesty – Integrity over image
Honour – Doing what is right, not what is easy
Modesty – Quiet strength, not boastful power
Respect – For partners, teachers, and self
Self-Control – Mastery over ego and emotion
Friendship – Bonds forged through effort, trust, and care
These values come from the Judo Moral Code, instilled by Kano and expanded through the lived wisdom of masters like Abbe. They extend far beyond the dojo and into life.
The Mat as Mirror
The mat reveals who we are. But it also shows us who we can become.
At Lewes Judo and Ju-Jitsu Club, we offer not a defence against violence—but a foundation for virtue. We’re not producing fighters. We’re helping shape thoughtful, respectful, resilient young people.
And in a world that sorely needs better role models, I believe that matters.
