Melanie Swift Coaching

08/09/2026

My top relationship psychology tips… ❤️

03/09/2026

A situationship thrives entirely on ambiguity. There is chemistry, genuine attraction, and interest, which gives you the illusion that it’s going somewhere…

But what it lacks is CLARITY and INTENTION, the two things required to drive a connection forward.

Here are the exact steps to pull yourself out of this magnetic but unfulfilling situation:

1. Learn the difference between attention and intention. Attention is texting, hanging out, story likes, even s*x. But none of that is relationship investment. Intention is progressing the connection, investing in you and offering exclusivity.

2. Stop accepting attention while hoping it turns into intention. Waiting for them to change their mind will keep you as a placeholder.

3. Face the hard truth by asking yourself;
Would your ideal partner leave you hanging around wondering where you stand?
Would they willingly leave you on the market for someone else to step in? (Um no!)

4. Write down what they are benefiting from you versus what you are genuinely receiving from them. Is this a fair, reciprocal exchange of energy?

5. Understand the science. That magnetic draw you feel isn’t because they are your soulmate. It is a powerful chemical cocktail triggered by intermittent reinforcement, the exact same psychology as playing a slot machine. We only obsess over people who are emotionally unavailable.

6. Let it hurt. Withdrawing from a situationship feels exactly like a drug withdrawal. It is painful, heavy, and you have to grieve the potential you built in your head. But the other side of this pain is where your freedom lives.

7. Reclaim your power. Take all that exhausting energy you spent overthinking their texts and pour it back into your own life. Your fitness, your business, your hobbies, and your friendships. You will be amazed at the rapid glow up you experience with all your energy back.

A situationship is incredibly painful, but it can also be your greatest portal to radical self-love and deep healing.

Save this post or send it to a friend who is stuck in this loop.

With love, Mel ❤️

01/09/2026

Ok, this is for those of you stuck in situationships, friends with benefits, placeholder positions, or “let’s see where this goes” vibes…. Read on 👇🏼❤️

If you asked me how to fall out of love with someone who for whatever reason isn’t choosing you with intention and clarity, here’s what I would advise….

1. Write down the fantasy you had in your head. What the relationship could be, what potential they had and what you had envisioned the future would look like

2. Write down the honest reality of the relationship. What did their actions consistently do or show? How much did they actually invest in you (energy, time, money, consideration etc)? How much did they prioritize you?

3. Write down an “ick” list. All the things you don’t actually like about them but have overlooked. This gets you out of romanticizing the story and looking at them without the shine.

4. Ask yourself what part of you was staying in it. The desire to be chosen? The belief that you have to earn love? The fear that you won’t meet someone else?

5. Keep re-reading all of these lists until the other person has come down off the pedestal in your mind. Once you fall out of love with the story in your head, you can then detach from the person in real life.

6. Remember that while one person needs convincing, someone else will feel like they have won the lottery to have you. Pick wisely. You deserve to be cherished.

If you want help detaching from a heartbreak (eg, trauma bond, unrequited love, an affair, situation-ship, or toxic ex partner) message me to book in.
No judgement, you’re safe with me.

If this helped please save or share.

With love,
Mel ❤️

30/08/2026

I get it, this one is hard when you’ve grown up learning to put everyone else first.

When you’ve been praised for how amenable and easy you are.

When asking for what you want feels like you are burdening others.

But here’s the catch they didn’t teach you growing up, being a people pleaser doesn’t actually make people like you more. It makes them respect you less.

When YOU like you, when YOU respect your own time, when YOU prioritise your own wellbeing… others will value you too.

Remember your big heart is a privilege, not a free service that everyone gets access to. That’s what makes it so valuable.

With love, Mel ❤️

29/08/2026

Growth is realizing that no matter how you show up, people will still project their unhealed trauma onto you.

They will see you through their lens, shaped by their wounds, their fears, and the stories they’ve told themselves or experienced.

Only you know your true character.
The narrative others create is out of your control.

Hope that helps.
With love,
Mel ❤️

28/08/2026

26/08/2026

For some people, losing a great partner is a relief. Here’s why…

I recently worked with a brilliant woman who has everything going for her, successful, fit, funny, beautiful, smart … but gets continually gets let down by the men she was dating. Often picking minor faults with her and pushing her away.

She’s spent years wondering what’s wrong with her and trying to change herself to be what these partners want.

But here’s the twist. In one session we got to the common ground with all these connections, in the early days they all made comments like

- “You’re too good for me”
- “You deserve better than me”
- “How did I get you?”

Which she interpreted as a compliment, as many women do.

However, I explained how these comments aren’t compliments. They are a preview of how that partner subconsciously views the relationship.

And if they believe that someone is too good for them (rightly or wrongly), deep down that creates a lot of internal pressure to perform or become the type of person they need to be in order to feel deserving of the relationship.

So what was easier for them? Either bring her down by fault finding or blow the relationship up with poor behaviour to push her away.

And the more she tried to improve herself for them, the worse the cycle got.

In these cases, the break up can actually feel like a relief to those men. Not because she wasn’t good enough, but because they no longer had to sit with the pressure of not feeling good enough within themselves to maintain a relationship that required them to show up fully.

I helped my client heal the parts in her that felt responsible for saving or healing men (which came from a childhood father wound) and work on how to feel worthy of attracting a partner who is looking for a secure and healthy relationship instead. (The same principles often show up in men I work with who have a mother wound, often attracting women who treat them poorly too).

If you’d like support to stop ending up in romantic situations that drain you, I can help.
Please message for info on 1:1 sessions.
(90 mins £125 or block of 4 for £450)

With love,
Mel ❤️