19/04/2024
In her poem "Burning the Old Year," Naomi Shihab Nye writes: "where there was something and suddenly isn’t, an absence shouts…"
If you have lost someone you love, you will relate to that. No one can fully prepare for the shock of discovering that something that was there and suddenly is not. Their absence shouts from every pore in your body, every whisper of your heart. Nowhere is off limits.
After Anton died, I couldn't shake the feeling of waiting. I expected him to simply walk back in. Walk back into the kitchen from the his computer while I stirred a pot. Walk back into the house after taking his bike for a spin. His absence from my life is a continuous echo of disbelief.
The waves of loss distort the future we had planned. When I found Anton on the bathroom floor, my whole life changed in that instant. The change was permanent and didn't just affect "now", it affects all my "nows" forever.
One of the things that immediately changed was that I stopped posting on this page. I will continue making posts here in the future, just as I continue teaching yoga. Wishing whoever reads this and is grieving, much strength and love.