History Boys RFC

History Boys RFC Intramural team of the year 2021. A casual but competitive rugby side playing in the Edinburgh University intramural league.

All abilities and degrees are welcome, we hope to see at Wednesday training on the meadows!

This week the boys take on the Young Pretenders, a side who do even more damage to this University’s reputation than I d...
22/10/2024

This week the boys take on the Young Pretenders, a side who do even more damage to this University’s reputation than I do.
A team whose entry requirement is that your school fees were over a certain amount per year, if the SU wants to get upset with my friendly abuse of other teams, I point them to the team who are a few trust funds short of a lordship. The only team in the league to use the family WhatsApp group as a dating site (Daddy says that first cousin is legal, and he owns a law firm), the YPs put their webbed fingers to good use and are apparently fairly joué when it comes to backs moves.
As a humble young man who resides in the frozen wastelands north of Watford, I’m sure to be targeted by the 4th Marquis of butt f**k nowhere, as he sniffs out my lowly status and executes me from horseback as if I were a fox. But I will acknowledge that these jokes come from jealousy as who wouldn’t love a guaranteed job after Uni and a butler to dispose of the prostitutes you get pregnant. I am of course terrified of anyone who pretends to be young seeing as the last time I got chatting to a girl online she was in fact a 43-year-old police officer named Brian.
I’m keen to see what History can do on Wednesday before I’m thrown out of uni by the SU or arrested (whichever comes first).

Love (is love) and champagne x

It is heartbreak for HBRFC as a strong performance is snatched away from us in a 5-10 loss to the official poster childr...
20/10/2024

It is heartbreak for HBRFC as a strong performance is snatched away from us in a 5-10 loss to the official poster children for abandoning your family. Just the one try for us, scored by Harry Holmes-Milner after a string of pick and go’s pounded the Neer defence, showing that when we hold onto the ball, we monster this lot. The Neers aren’t half the men their mothers are, however their coach must have been working harder than a one-armed brick layer in Baghdad because he’s made Lawrence of Incompetence look like he has the right number of chromosomes.
They were magnanimous in victory, no clapping after a tough fight, no grudging respect, just arrogance and poor form, which seems to be their specialty. It seems that the only glory there is for Neers is found in the glory hole in the toilets of the Golf Tavern.
Conditions were tough on Wednesday, with the rain making the ball as slippery as the Boteco dance floor after Chesh was done with it, however this did not deter our loyal fans. On the other hand, apparently COYE means “clueless of your existence” and is aimed at the women of Edinburgh, because the adoring fans of the Neers seem to be 3 men and a dog (an actual one, not one of their mothers). Their attacking plan seemed to be kick, kick again, then kick some more for luck, which in the immortal words of Joe Marler is “f**king boring me, hurry up”. Dan Round came off with a shoulder injury after making very little impact, showing what you’d expect from history boy reject and a man so unemployed he calls his benefits package his student loan so he can feel better about sharking freshers (we heard about the girl from freshers you pulled as a 4th year Mr Round...).
We will see this lot next semester, so the redemption arc is on. Anyway, onwards to the YPs game next week, and as always...
Love and champagne x

It is derby day gents, and I am shaking with both excitement and low blood alcohol content.The boring bastards in red an...
15/10/2024

It is derby day gents, and I am shaking with both excitement and low blood alcohol content.
The boring bastards in red and black come to town to take on the mighty HBRFC, but they have upgraded from their usual tactics of bringing a stupid number of subs, to employing a full-time coach (there’s such a thing as too keen chaps). We can overlook the poor form of bringing 13 subs to the YPs game, but this shows a new level of sh*t-blokery and impostor syndrome as these sad t***s cling to their dreams of being on the bench for the 4s. Keir Barbary is set to play in his 17th derby, as the Neers drag him out of his wheelchair to patch up their midfield.
The thing Neers like to hold over Historians is that they are employable after uni, and yet the unemployed Judas, Dan Round is still turning up, holding his middle aged head high as he pulls the red and black over his melted wheelie bin rig. One difference between us and them is that for us, python only refers to what Jimmy Mayes is packing, rather than anything on a computer. We also shower a lot more than those sweaty virgins, but granted we do it as a team to preserve culture and challenge stereotypes.
Best don your PPE chaps as we deal with the fungus that plagues the intramural league. Employing a proper coach really is poor form, you bunch of bell ends.
Hate and champagne x

Last Wednesday we answered the age-old question: how much jam can the law team lick off a window in 80 minutes? With an ...
15/10/2024

Last Wednesday we answered the age-old question: how much jam can the law team lick off a window in 80 minutes? With an ugly scoreline reflecting the windy conditions down at Peff, we had tries from Keen, Kelly, Thomas, Mayhew, Hebblethwaite, Dunn, Denham-Davis, Berger, Forsberg and Hill. Christian Denham-Davies lived up to his name by providing rugby with the s*x appeal of the b**b size he’s apparently named after (DDs are more than I know what to do with, but I’m reliably informed that some of our boys dabble in that field of expertise).
Plenty of debuts as well, with Harry Holmes-Milnes impressing on the flank. The last time a ginger named Harry was involved in such abuse, Meghan Markle was on the tele and my nan needed put in a home before the word ‘dinghies’ was said.
I will retract my previous statement regarding Hellen Keller as The Law Blacks did show off some flare, but it wasn’t enough to stop the tide that is HBRFC. Poor discipline from us let them into the game, but trying to stop Berger on a hard line is about as much use as a chocolate fireguard.
Route 1 physicality ground them down and created space out wide for the flowing liquid s*x that we call rugby, with a bit of back door action (passing wise, steady on) and cross field kicks giving me my first full er****on in months. The law boys collapsed under the weight of our forward pack with all the elegance of my last hinge date while their flyhalf put up more bombs than the Bush administration (to no avail). Thanks to for the photography.

Love and champagne x

Here it is boys, The intramural equivalent of Mike Tyson fighting a toddler. A lot of respect to The Law for showing up ...
08/10/2024

Here it is boys,
The intramural equivalent of Mike Tyson fighting a toddler. A lot of respect to The Law for showing up to this fixture after the pumping we gave them last time out, but that won’t equate to mercy for 80 minutes. Plenty of new names starting in this fixture, with our fresh keen to prove themselves in the greatest act of punching down since Benny Worthington left subway with a companion.
With the game awareness of Helen Keller, the handling of Michael Schumacher on skis and socials that are less lively than my nan’s funeral, The Law really is a force to be reckoned with. These boys may be useful to me when the inevitable tax evasion and/or libel case comes in, but for now I’ll slate them a little more (Harvey Spectre wannabes). Hope you’re all ready for a cricket score.

Love and champagne x

Winning Wednesdays are back with a vengeance. Having only scraped a win over these flea riddled mongrels last year, we t...
02/10/2024

Winning Wednesdays are back with a vengeance.

Having only scraped a win over these flea riddled mongrels last year, we took them to the pound today, pumping them 33-7 (pumping dogs is a habit we only stick to onfield). Tries scored by Gregor, Fraser, Matt, Jon and Ben, with the most joué being a biblical intercept from our dramatic back rower Fraser. Other key moments include plenty of freshers making their HBRFC debuts, the triumphant return of our glass b***d Social Sec Benedict, FW10 spewing on field and Jake’s Rig (what a hot man). The first half saw the dogs live up to their name sake and not have opposable thumbs, dropping the ball as if it was lubricated (steady on chaps), with Gregor and Jon getting so far under their skin they are legally considered surgeons now. Big shots, big plays, big social tonight. Boteco better brace itself.
Tails: between legs.
Old dogs: put down.
History: on top.
Love and champagne x

Hello all, It is now time for our first league game of the season and who better to take on than the University’s ugly l...
01/10/2024

Hello all,
It is now time for our first league game of the season and who better to take on than the University’s ugly little rugby secret, the puppies. These pampered pooches are either 1s rejects or just flat out lazy, or most likely some combination of the two. Last season they barked like big dogs all week, only to p**s the bed like the puppies they are in the face of a Post-Prague HBRFC. Coming off a strong win over the Neers, our new history boys are keen to take these old dogs to the vets. We will be sure to put a lead on them, and not even in the fun way.

As always chaps,
Love and champagne x

This is it gents, game day. The real varsity match of the week. A clash of titans. Well, one titan and a specky lad who ...
24/09/2024

This is it gents, game day.

The real varsity match of the week.
A clash of titans. Well, one titan and a specky lad who likes engines. Bound to be an interesting match to watch as we start our campaign with a friendly against our old rivals in the intramural derby. I won’t need to remind anyone that history was victorious in our last meeting, and that joué was as plentiful as Neer cowardice.

But enough Neer bashing for now, we will save that for 15:30 tomorrow. Don’t miss this one boys. All jokes aside this will be a great game to blow the cobwebs off, to blood some new history boys and to get our teeth back into IM rugby so it’s only fair we pick a strong rival for this match up. Win or lose, we booze so I hope you’re all ready for our curry night on Wednesday, and as always…
Love and champagne x

Team announcement to come x
23/09/2024

Team announcement to come x

When we train we will be at the location in the second slide. With your back to the library turn right, walk forwards 20...
07/09/2024

When we train we will be at the location in the second slide. With your back to the library turn right, walk forwards 200m and you’ll spot us, What3Words: ///half.works.claps. As always, Love and Champagne x

Ferhad will be Alex’s right hand man for the 24/25 season, this midfield combo will be hard to beat!
02/09/2024

Ferhad will be Alex’s right hand man for the 24/25 season, this midfield combo will be hard to beat!

Up next is a newly created committee position designed to look after our players both during club activities and general...
31/08/2024

Up next is a newly created committee position designed to look after our players both during club activities and generally speaking. Steely is the perfect man for this job

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