18/09/2024
There are some very strong and socially-endorsed reasons why partners breaking up generally try to remain friends.
To the person being – however nicely – rejected, the promise of friendship can feel like an emotionally-reassuring consolation prize. We may no longer be allowed to share their bed, have children with them or end our days in their company, but at least something can be rescued from the ashes: we will continue to be able to call them when we like, share our fears and go to the movies together.
To the person performing – however nicely – the ex*****on, the promise of friendship is equally attractive. We may be itching to eject the partner but we are not – for that matter – devoid of feeling. Furthermore, we are deeply attached to the idea that we’re not monsters. And as we know, nice people always try to be friends with their exes.
The arguments may sound wise but, from close up, they are deeply fraught and in their own way, a catastrophe for both sides.
For the rejected party, the step from lover to friend is an eternally humiliating demotion. Worse, every sighting of the ex is guaranteed to re-ignite hope and then further insult. One isn’t acquiring a friend, more an unwitting torturer.
As for the executing party, the ex is a constant reminder of one’s guilt and ruthlessness.
The idea of trying to be friends constitutes a touching attempt to honour the best sides of a relationship in which two people invested heavily.
What we should replace love with isn’t friendship, but that far more honest state: polite distance.
To learn more, click the link:
https://www.theschooloflife.com/article/can-exes-be-friends/
