22/06/2026
Around 30 years ago, I was hauled into an office and screamed at by a regional manager.
The CEO was due to visit the bank branch I ran, and I’d been told the team needed to paint it before he arrived.
I remember saying:
"If we don't do it for customers, we shouldn't do it for the CEO."
It didn't go down particularly well, and I was told by a very stressed manager to get on with it.
Looking back, it wasn't really about the paint.
It was about values.
Even then, something didn't sit right with me about creating a temporary version of reality for somebody senior to look at.
The challenge was that I didn't have the skills, perspective or emotional regulation that I have today.
I knew what I thought.
I knew what I felt.
But I was far less skilled at how I responded.
The more I felt unheard, the more frustrated I became.
The more frustrated I became, the more convinced I was that I was right and that was happening with my boss too.
And that's the bit I find fascinating now.
Most people don't suddenly become difficult when they're challenged.
What often shows up is a version of themselves that appears when they feel threatened, unheard, overwhelmed or compromised.
I've seen it throughout my career.
People become critical.
Defensive.
Controlling.
Withdrawn.
And it’s usually because they're trying to navigate something uncomfortable against a backdrop of unhelpful beliefs, hidden values and low self trust.
The difficulty is that whilst we experience the emotion, everybody else experiences the behaviour.
As leaders, that matters.
Particularly in the first few years.
There is so much change being thrown at leaders today. Targets. Restructures. New systems. AI. Competing priorities. Expectations from every direction. A team looking for answers when you're still trying to make sense of things yourself.
It's hardly surprising that our worst self occasionally turns up.
What I've learned over the years is that leadership isn't about never feeling frustrated, angry, disappointed or challenged.
It's about recognising what's happening inside you before it spills out onto everybody around you.
That's why I believe self-awareness, emotional regulation and self-trust sit at the heart of great leadership because they stop difficult moments defining the leader you become.
👉I'd love to hear about a moment early in your career that taught you something important about leadership.
👉And if you're a newly appointed leader, applications for our Emerging Leaders Programme are now open. It's the programme I wish had existed when I was sitting in that office all those years ago.
Check it out
https://paseda360.com/courses/human-centric-emerging-leader-programme/
