27/08/2026
Once upon a time I had lunch with a former head of Britain's Secret Intelligence Service...
Which could be the start of a very interesting story, if it wasn't for the fact I was a darker shade of orange than Donald Trump.
My undergrad years at Pembroke College, Cambridge, coincided with Sir Richard Dearlove's tenure as Master.
Once a term he would invite those of us studying PPS (Politics, Psychology and Sociology) and Anthropology for a fancy lunch in a fancy room to talk about global affairs that honestly none of us knew enough about to have an opinion on so mostly we just tried to be polite and not embarrass ourselves, which as you'll find out, I failed at MASSIVELY and if I hadn't been bright orange at the time I would have been bright red...
So:
The food was nice but to be honest the atmosphere was a bit awkward - as you'd expect from a bunch of geeky young adults and someone whose job is literally in films.
Funnily enough, I was also competing in Dancesport during that time. Think Strictly Come Dancing.
Three applications of St.Tropez was the norm for a competition like Blackpool.
The third was pretty itchy, so I had to apply them over several days. Otherwise I'd turn up to a competition with a bad rash.
This meant wandering around Cambridge, very obviously fake tanned, for about a week beforehand and several days afterwards, while I tried to scrub it off.
Yes, I know this is already a bit ridiculous. But we must suffer for our art.
And because this is my life, one of Dearlove's lunches was obviously scheduled a day before a competition.
Peak Tango.
The worst part of it was that no one asked me why I was bright orange.
So of course I spent the entire time trying to weave it into conversation.
If you have a more embarrassing story of networking or public speaking, I will donate some money to our other orange friends, the orangutans.
p.s. If you haven't already, don't forget to book your free place on my two day online training course next month.
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