Kesley Cage Therapy

26/02/2025

I’m taking an indefinite break from social media. You can still reach me through my website:

www.kesleycage.com

19/02/2025

How Not to Drown in Helplessness and Despair About the News

There's so much fear, sorrow, insecurity, despair, hate, and rage circulating in the news. These are the emotions of the ancient survival part of the brain. They are contagious, because we're social animals, and reacting as a herd kept us safe. However, such emotions also keep our attention hooked, urging us to find solutions to problems that will increase our chances of survival. Still, when there is a constant stream of information, it becomes overwhelming. There's too much to process, prioritise, and respond to, leading to feelings of helplessness.

Keep in mind, too, that news outlets and social media platforms aim to engage you and make a profit. They may have their own agendas—political or financial. So, how can you protect your emotional and mental well-being in the face of all this?

1. Examine your motivation for reading the news. Are you looking to fill time, responding to fear, curiosity, or concern? Understanding why you turn to the news can help you decide how much time and energy you want to invest in it.

2. Take control of what you consume. Instead of being a passive consumer, reacting to every news headline you come across, actively seek out the stories that matter most to you. Whether that’s climate change, political news, or articles that focus on kindness, positivity, or innovation—curate your own news feed based on your interests and values.

3. Practise critical thinking and fact-checking. Not all news is created equal. Be mindful of where the information is coming from and verify what you read. Cross-check stories across multiple reliable sources. This helps prevent misinformation from shaping your views and emotions, and encourages a more balanced perspective.

4. Limit your exposure to avoid overwhelm. It’s okay to take a step back. If the news is making you feel anxious, exhausted, or helpless, it might be time to reduce your intake or take a break. Constant exposure to negative stories can be draining and counterproductive.

5. Balance your news with positive stories. Seek out stories of hope, resilience, and progress. Whether it’s stories of individuals overcoming adversity, acts of kindness, or scientific breakthroughs, positive news can serve as a counterbalance to the negativity and help maintain your mental and emotional equilibrium.

6. Take action when you can. If something in the news moves you, find ways to get involved—whether it’s supporting a cause, donating, or simply sharing information with others. Taking small actions can help you feel empowered and reduce feelings of helplessness.

14/02/2025

I'm pleased to have completed my advanced training in COURRAGE. It's an amazing group narrative therapy from South Africa, that has been used with women, men and families, including refugee populations, and with brilliant results! In some studies the therapy reduced all symptoms of depression from a large number of the participants (according to phq9 outcome measures). I read about it in the Guardian's Positive News section, and just had to give it a go!

I've had CPD coming out of my ears this year with this, with training also in creative supervision, whole body relational focusing, non-violent communication, trauma-sensitive breath-work and various other courses. Already the trainings are influencing the way I work with individuals and groups. More than any certificate, what matters is putting these useful tools and methodologies into practice, and that's what I find so inventive and playful in my work.

The last year has been very intensive, and I've done far more CPD than is expected by my professional bodies. I've already completed all the hours necessary for 2025! I will be maintaining my practice but also giving myself a bit of a breather this year to think about other things that aren't therapy-related! However, I still have some exciting new projects to announce, so watch this space for online and Brighton-based well-being and personal growth opportunities.

Big thanks Phola for the COURRAGE training!

07/02/2025

This free 90-minute Nonviolent Communication (NVC) workshop, designed specifically for men, offers practical tools and guided exercises to help you hit the pause button on the cycle of reactive responses. You’ll explore the space between stimulus and response—the critical moment where you have the power to choose your words and actions with greater clarity and intention.

I believe passionately that the way in which we connect and communicate with ourselves and one another can have a truly transformational impact now and in the future.

18/01/2025

Are you a counsellor looking for good quality supervision online or f2f in Brighton?

My practice is informed by the 7-eyed model of supervision, and I use creative processes to explore the edge of awareness, and facilitate learning and growth. Good supervision is transformative.

I also share my experience as a psycho-spiritual counsellor and eco-therapist working with LGBTQ+ and neurodivergent clients.

Here's a little graphic that I put together as part of my certified training in creative supervision, which touches on the main aspects covered in supervision.

Feel free to contact me for more information.
https://www.kesleycage.com/contact

15/01/2025

Shame

It’s natural and normal to feel fear of shame. You’re a human, and we’re herd animals. We need each other to survive. We don’t want to be shamed, we don’t want to be ignored or rejected. Our survival depends on one another. We don’t need to make our fear of shame, or shame itself, into a problem that needs to be fixed. It’s natural, and human, and part of who we are.

There’s no need to criticise yourself for struggling with shame. Don’t be angry at yourself for finding it difficult to be vulnerable and be yourself with other people. It’s understandable to want to hide different parts of yourself that have needs for connection and care, when you’re not sure if that’s what you will receive. Shame can feel very heavy if we haven’t had the love and understanding we needed in the past. We need kind, warm and inclusive people for our survival. It’s ok to need that. When we experience that, then shame will bother us less.

It takes courage to risk trusting that people will be there for us. It will hurt when they are not. But it’s worth the struggle to accept our shame, and our vulnerability, and to risk connection. When we find people who are kind and compassionate, we should dive right in. Hold nothing back. Let ourselves be loved. And be there for others too. When we share our difficulties, it makes it easier for others to relate to us and share their difficulties too. It’s brave. We can help each other with our needs. This is part of the beauty of being human.

09/01/2025

On Children
Kahlil Gibran 1883 – 1931

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

From The Prophet (Knopf, 1923). This poem is in the public domain.

Image: statue of child with wings and bow and arrow
Photography by Timur Garifo of Unsplash

06/01/2025

How to be Imperfect: 7 Lessons for Embracing Imperfectionism

Tip #1: You just gotta do things. Don’t get stuck in that perfectionist fantasy planning phase. Just dive in and get going.

Tip #2: Fight back against productivity debt. You don’t need to justify your existence by getting through some huge to-do list.

Tips #3: Remember that there’s a cost to information overload. Resist the urge to stockpile all the knowledge possible.

Tip #4: Reject the urge to “whole-ass” stuff. Shoot for 80% and remember the benefits of what Oliver calls scruffy hospitality.

Tip #5: Let the future be the future. There are lots of bridges we’ll cross when we get there.

Tip #6: Follow the reverse golden rule. A little self-compassion goes a long way.

Tip #7: Don’t bring a perfectionist attitude towards imperfectionism. Remember that baby steps are often the way to go.

If you want to learn more, you can check out the full episode here: https://apple.co/40jews0.

Here’s to a happier 2025!

Dr. Laurie Santos

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Just thought I'd share this extract from a random newsletter I received this morning! It made me smile. Perhaps it will bring a smile to your day too, fellow imperfect human being reading this. x

15/12/2024

🎄 Feeling Overwhelmed This Christmas? You’re Not Alone. 🎄

Christmas can be a tough time for many, and it’s okay to ask for support. If you're struggling, here’s a list of national services that are available on Christmas Day:

24/7 Support Services:
Samaritans – 116 123 (Free, 24/7)
Offering confidential emotional support for anyone who is struggling.

Switchboard (LGBT+ Helpline) – 0300 330 0630 (Free, 24/7)
A safe, supportive space for LGBTQ+ people who need someone to talk to.

Childline – 0800 1111 (Free, 24/7)
A free helpline for children and young people who need someone to listen.

The Silver Line (Older People) – 0800 470 8090 (Free, 24/7)
A confidential helpline for older people feeling isolated or lonely.

Rethink Mental Illness – 0808 801 0525 (Free, 24/7)
Offering support for anyone struggling with mental health.

National Domestic Abuse Helpline – 0808 2000 247 (Free, 24/7)
A helpline for anyone experiencing domestic abuse.

Additional Resources:
Mind – 01785 221 272
Check their website for updates on Christmas Day availability.

LGBT Foundation – 0345 3 30 30 30
Call during office hours, but may be closed on Christmas Day. Check their voicemail or website for further details.

Galop (LGBT+ Domestic Violence Helpline) – 0800 999 5428 (Free, 24/7)
For LGBT+ individuals affected by domestic abuse.

💬 Remember, if you're finding things tough, it’s okay to reach out. These services are here for you, no matter what you're going through.

14/12/2024

"Christmas is a bit like an emotional magnifying glass. If you feel loved and happy, Christmas will make you feel even happier and more loved. But if you feel alone and unloved, the magnifier gets to work and makes all those bad things bigger and worse." – That Christmas Movie

If this time of year feels heavy, or if you just need someone to talk to, please know that you're not alone. I’m here to listen.

💬 Book a free 10-minute introductory call with me via https://calendly.com/kesley-cage/pre-consult
Let’s talk, whether it's before or after Christmas.

Credentials:
My practice is registered with accredited ethical bodies:

British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (392057)
National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCS22-01954)
Learn more: www.kesleycage.com/online

Image: Snowflake ✨

09/12/2024

Stay Alive is a su***de prevention resource full of tools and resources to help people stay safe from su***de.

Find out more about our pioneering su***de prevention app. Read about the research behind our award-winning work, the impact it has had on the at-risk community and how to get involved in support, campaigns and development. Read More...