25/06/2026
The sorry came before I could finish a sentence.
I did not know I was doing it. I thought I was being polite. I thought I was being easy. I thought I was being the kind of woman who did not make a fuss.
I have spent a long time trying to understand where that started. Being the youngest of four, I think a lot of it began there. I learned early that the loudest needs got met first, and that the quietest way to be loved was to not need very much at all. To slot in. To not make it harder. To find my place in the spaces that were left over.
The truth is, somewhere underneath all of it, I had decided I did not really deserve to be there.
Not in the rooms I worked in. Not in the friendships I had. Not in the conversations I joined. Not in my own life.
So I apologised in advance. For my voice. For my needs. For the space I took up. For being there at all. Sorry to bother you. Sorry to ask. Sorry, I will not take much of your time. Every sorry was a small bowing, a small flinching, a small confirmation to myself that I should not have asked, should not have needed, should not have been there in the first place.
The worst part was not the apologies themselves. It was what they meant. That I had spent years believing my presence was something other people had to tolerate. That I had to keep proving I was worth the space I was in. That if I just stayed small enough, polite enough, quiet enough, undemanding enough, I might earn the right to remain.
No one ever told me I had to do this. I had told it to myself, somewhere so long ago I had stopped remembering it was a story I had made up.
I am still unlearning it. Some days are easier than others. There are still rooms I walk into and feel the old reflex rise, the apology forming before I have even spoken. But these days I catch it more often than I used to. I let the sentence finish without softening it. I let the need land without dressing it in guilt. I take up the space I was always meant to take up.
If you have spent your life apologising for things that were never wrong, I want you to know you are not the only one.
You were never a burden.
You never had to earn the right to be here.
Emma ❤️