10/05/2026
I’m almost at the end of my 3 month sojourn in the northern hemisphere. I missed getting caught in the Middle East bombing by 1 hour. I’ve been to the Paralympics. I’ve been on almost 80 trains through parts of Italy, Germany, Belgium and the UK. I’ve spoken at the Women Changing the World International Symposium in Paris. I won gold for Woman in Literature. I’ve interviewed some men for the book I’m currently writing; In Celebration of Boys and Men. I’ve run a middle of the night workshop for practitioners in Sydney. I’ve produced a research newsletter about Adolescent Mental Health. I’ve eaten, and slept and had precious time with family and friends. I’ve also been to three funerals because death is part of the ebb and flow of life.
One of my beautiful, life-long friends died very suddenly and unexpectedly in March whilst I was at the Paralympics. I am devastated and it’s going to take a long time to stop referring to her in the present, which I did twice yesterday. I am heartbroken that I won’t be able to spend hours sitting with her in bed or on her sofa, drinking endless cups of tea, laughing uproariously, being exceptionally naughty, putting the world to rights and talking about the deepest things that only friends of forever can and as we have done a gazillion times over the last 53 years.
Second of the three funerals; last weekend a little group of us gathered at my sister Halina’s grave so we could scatter mum and dad’s ashes and let them all be together forever. Halina died 39 years ago in November. It feels like a lifetime ago and yet like 5 minutes ago. Dad died exactly 11 years ago (10.5.15, today is 10.5.26, both of them Australian Mothers’ Day). Mum died on the 9th December 2025.
The third funeral was for my lovely Aunty who died a few weeks ago. She had the sweetest soft Irish accent, warm smile and sparkly eyes. Whilst of course it was sad, it was wonderful to be at what I have dubbed The Gathering of the Clans as my vast paternal family came together. I haven’t seen the majority of my cousins for 25 years so I was so grateful to be in the UK.
There is a quote that I have always loved and in fact years ago my mum made a massive wall hanging of it to display at an international conference that I convened, just as I moved into the second half of my career. It’s by Hundertwasser:
“If we do not honour our past we lose our future. If we destroy our roots we cannot grow”
I really feel like the past has been honoured in these three funerals and our roots have been fertilised and watered. It’s important to have a ritual at significant life moments. It might just be a quietly spoken promise, a lighting of a candle or like me, sitting and standing with others as we say goodbye.
I often say the job of the living, if they are able, is to take the hand of the dying, kiss them and walk with them to the gates of eternity. By golly it’s hard but it’s really really important.
