18/01/2026
So congratulations are apparently in order. Manchester United 2, Manchester City 0. Cue the dramatic music, cue the social media meltdowns, cue the sudden resurrection of “heritage,” “history,” and “we’re back” tweets that have been sitting in drafts.
Let’s start with the headline act: Bryan Mbeumo. My word. A man whose veins were doing more work than City’s midfield, pulsing like they were personally offended by the Etihad. Veins popping so aggressively you’d think they were trying to escape his skin and file for a Ballon d’Or of their own. And that head—oh that head. Shining like it’s lived through 90 hard years of Barclays, Premiership, and First Division football, yet somehow the paperwork insists he’s “25.” Incredible. Bronu Fernandes in reverse, powered by pure adrenaline and whatever United put in their pre-match tea.
When Mbeumo scored, it wasn’t just a goal—it was a vascular event. The camera zoomed in and I half-expected a medical disclaimer to appear on screen. Veins screaming. Head glowing like a freshly polished trophy that United haven’t seen in a while. Somewhere, Father Time was confused, Pep Guardiola was annoyed, and United fans were suddenly experts in chanting glorious songs.
And let’s be honest: United fans have waited years for this exact moment. A Manchester derby win that could be screenshotted, framed, laminated, and used as evidence in online arguments until at least 2028. This wasn’t just a win—it was content. This was “remember this day” energy. This was “pin this tweet” behaviour. This was “tell the kids where you were when United beat City 2–0” stuff.
From Liverpool’s point of view, it’s actually quite beautiful. Not because United won—but because this is how low the bar has gone. A single derby win and suddenly Old Trafford is spiritually rebuilt, the stadium leaks are forgiven, and every problem is magically solved. “Trust the process,” they say, after trusting about seven different processes in the last decade.
Meanwhile, City—oh City. Pep’s lot treated the match like a mild inconvenience between bigger ideas. You could almost hear them thinking, “We’ll deal with this later.” And fair play to United: they took advantage. That’s football. But let’s not pretend this was the fall of an empire. This was more like City forgetting to lock the door and United running off with the TV.
Now, let’s talk celebration levels. Because United fans celebrated this like it was a title decider, a Champions League final, and Sir Alex himself had just descended from the stands. Shirts off. Veins out. Tweets flying. Group chats activated. Suddenly everyone remembered what it felt like to smile.
Back to Mbeumo though—because he deserves a whole paragraph, maybe two. That celebration alone deserves to be studied. Hand on chest, mouth wide open, veins bulging, head reflecting the floodlights like a solar panel. If passion had a physical form, it looked exactly like that moment. It was the kind of celebration that says, “I’ve been waiting my whole life for this,” even if he’s allegedly only been alive for 25 years. Allegedly.
United fans will tell you this is a turning point. They always do. Every win is a turning point. Every goal is a rebirth. Every good 90 minutes is the start of a dynasty. And as a Liverpool FC fan, I sincerely hope they keep believing that—because belief is entertaining when reality eventually checks in.
Let’s not forget the scorers list either. Names written into derby folklore like ancient scripture. Screenshots saved. Bios updated. “Derby Winner” added to CVs. And honestly, fair enough. You beat your noisy neighbours. That’s bragging rights—for now.
But from Anfield, the view is clear: one night doesn’t rewrite history. It doesn’t erase the gaps, the tables, the trophies, or the long list of “next season will be different” promises. It just gives United fans something they’ve been craving—joy. And football is better when everyone gets a little joy, even rivals. Just… not too much.
So enjoy it, truly. Enjoy the memes. Enjoy the highlights. Enjoy Bryan Mbeumo’s legendary veins and that timeless, age-defying, spotlight-reflecting head. Enjoy telling everyone City are finished. Enjoy the moment while it’s still warm.
I’m just super happy that Manchester City lost because they went behind us and signed our players (Antoine Semenyo and a homophobic Marc Guehi the guy with the huge wages of €330k per week. 🔴😌
