02/09/2026
Two things can be true. I can be a joyful person while experiencing the deepest pain of my life.
Grief is like whiplash.
One moment I am fine. I am present with people. I am working. I am laughing. I am creating.
The next moment I am sobbing. In excruciating pain. Unable to speak. Wanting to hide.
It’s overwhelming and all consuming. Maybe next video I’ll talk about how I don’t even have the mental capacity to truly even think about anything other than my mom. Every day since July 8th is hazy.
When I am alone, my mind is a never ending slideshow of little memories I forgot even existed. I hear her voice in my head nonstop.
I feel like an orphan. Losing a parent when you are still single, unmarried… My anchor. My tether. My mom was my emotional safe place, sounding board, my rock. The arms I would have ran into to carry me through pain like this…
And no, it doesn’t get better with time. That isn’t comforting, & I truly appreciate the people who are real about that. I will never get over this.
Doesn’t mean I won’t still live joyfully & pour myself into purpose. Doesn’t mean I won’t move forward. I am trying my best. But it’s not going to get easier. The void of losing the most important person doesn’t just disappear.
I think being real about grief is important. I have found so much comfort in hearing other people’s stories, as horrific as it is to know this reality is shared by so many.
You are never alone. I am never alone.
God is my strength, and thank the Lord for Him, because wow I am weak.
