Kloistermahn Finals

15/03/2014

Welp, looks like we got an unwanted intruder on the ancient fields of Kloi'ki Sterrumahn golf resort as of Thuesday. This master of disguise is known simply as Smunkle Fie'-J and is considered VERY dangerous, creative, and astounding. His crime history consists of mouth smash, sexual cracker assault, dine-and-dance, looking smashing, refusal to eat all the eggs, and performing miracles involving magnets and pelicans. KLOI BOYS AND GIRLS, LETS TELL THIS SLEAZY WEAZEL WE.WANT.PEACE! When do you want it? NOW! So write your congressman and request a team of bounty hunters put an end to this daymare! May the Gengon be ever Gurt.

02/03/2014

Extra! Extra! The fan tees are in! Celebrate Henny's fourteenth divorce with an exclusive custom shirt designed by our good friend Gunt Flashcash. He's starving to death, don't drag your heel!

13/12/2013

This Christmas, give your wife Kloistermahn's mystery prize give away, won by Brip Thompson during the Single Father's Stargazing competition last year!!

04/11/2013

Happy 1000th Bark Day to all those dogs that have reached their thousandth bark!

11/01/2013

A hearty thank you goes out to Greases brand chocolate morsels for sponsoring 2015's Kloistermahn fidget relay!! You're the best, Greases!! Free Greases for all 2015 participants*.

*excludes any lactating mothers for f***s sake.

05/09/2012

Ears up! One decade from now is our annual receipt collectors edition receipt saving competition! Rect'lect'eddi'rect'savsav'compo for short, this has been a tradition in Jennifer's family for months, and he's been gracious enough for us to steal and spit on everything it stands for! So let's get to the getgo, as***le!
Now if your receipt has been weather or angry-damaged, no fret!! Our very own receipt repairman AJ Tibbeltummee'e (pictured performing below) will be in the Sealife Plush tent from noon to half passssssst three (get it? Watch for snakes!) His fee for the month of Smarch will be half price what's pictured on your precious receipt tape! HURRY UP AND GET BUYIN' AT YOUR STORES!

05/09/2012

In the words of Gourge Hairisson, come'on get happy for Neil Groam's couch burning this December! And as a reminder, don't use up all of your quarters on the Kloist-0-matic!! Save them for our Quarters for Cortisone charity!

30/06/2012

The wait is finally over! The theme for our wonderful event is here!!

No description available

24/06/2012

First 5 finalists to reach our quaint corridor will receive this unassuming honorary ribbon!!

17/06/2012

The celebrated Hound of Revelry.

01/06/2012

The Funky Ferry is coming to port!

24/05/2012

Planning on attending the Servicemen's Gathering? Be sure to hand in your Petition of Flagrancy to your respective Head Honcho!