08/08/2021
So true!
Women's Self Defence
I am a woman. In my youth I've trained martial arts, attended women's self-defence lessons, and later did Krav Maga classes before finding and training KALAH. And yet, coming up barely to shoulder height of most men, weighting about fifty kilos, no matter how hard I train and build up muscles, I am well aware that physically I am and will not be a match to the other s*x. But… does that mean I should wait for some protector or prince on a white steed when I'm in trouble? That I am defenceless when someone attacks me? No.
I am a woman. I like my personal space and don’t easily invite others—especially males—across my borders. It feels intimidating when a male comes near because of their physical superiority, and because, as a gender and speaking generally (don’t take anything I say personally please!), men’s thought processes and emotions are different from women’s. Where women like to talk problems out, men like to act. It makes them different from us, and ‘different’ means there’s a tiny bit of uncertainty involved, even in the most amendable interactions. Women feel ‘safe’. Men don’t.
Now imagine you—a woman—want to take self-defence lessons; I hope that’s why you are reading this. But there are two ways to go about training. I’ll describe both and hopefully at the end of this post, you’ll be able to make a conscious decision which of them to choose:
One. You are unsure what you’ll find and come into a room filled with big, muscled guys in black t-shirts who talk to each other and playfully throw punches with practiced movements. There are a few women like you. Your gaze finds theirs. It’s natural to go where you feel more comfortable, and so you gravitate towards each other. You practice with them and they help you get the punches and movements right. They understand your hesitation and fear of hurting your training partner, and you feel safe in the knowledge that they won’t hurt you in return. The men… you throw a few glances their way but by and large you ignore each other. You walk away from class feeling good. Defending yourself hasn’t been as hard as you’d thought it would be, and you feel like you learned something. Surely, if you return often enough, you’ll get proficient and you won’t have to be afraid in the dark anymore?
Two. Now imagine the same room, but the instructor explaining that, to be able to defend yourself in a real situation, you need to learn how to think and react under pressure and so he pairs you with a man, one of those you’d be afraid of when you find them walking behind you at night. At the start of each exercise your training partner shouts at you, grabs your hair, comes close, pushes you into a wall. He threatens you, and even though you know this is just a self-defence lesson and your training partner is not a real aggressor, that in fact he wants to help you by making the situation as realistic as safely possible, even though you know all that it doesn’t matter. You are afraid, but you need to react and so you learn to do it. The lesson is not comfortable, instead much harder than you’d thought it’d be and you even come away with bruises.
Now—Think about what self-defence means. I understand the ease training can bring when doing it slowly, with members of the same s*x, but this kind of training gives false confidence. To be effective, self-defence training has to pull you out of your comfort zone, and so I urge women to train with men whenever possible. Will you be assaulted by a friendly female who accommodates you by pulling her punches? No? Or will it be more like the second scenario, where fear threatens to lock your reactions down? Do you think you’ll be able to apply flawlessly the techniques you learned in a calm and safe environment under the pressure of a real attack when you don’t know how physical stress feels?
Attend a trial session by the studio of your choice, decide what kind of result you want to get out of training, and I hope this post has given you something to think about when you’re deciding if and where you want to take self-defence lessons.
KALAH system
God bless.
