22/11/2021
Serious physical issues - the transformation starter
Looking in the eye of death in the middle of happy living along
My story with physical issues started the weekend of the Crimson Circle’s first shoud in August 1999. I didn't know anything about Crimson Circle back then... but on this weekend I travelled from Switzerland to Dover, to meet my biological father for the first time.
He had a genetic disease called MEN (multiple endocrine neoplasia syndromes), which creates different tumors on different endocrine glands.
I didn't worry too much, because my five month old boy kept me busy and I felt completely healthy anyway.
Despite this, because my dad insisted on top of my own curiosity I had it checked out.
The result was that my thyroid was removed, before I could even think about the consequences, due to a fast and aggressive version of microscopic changes… This was in December 1999. Despite my many years of study as a physical therapist, including iridology and dark field-microscopy, besides energy-healing I deeply slipped into the disease.
Long operations, near-death experience, nuclear treatment and examinations were followed by a psychological breakdown, which "had to" be treated immediately with psychotropic drugs. I was fully in the western medical system.
Also in December 1999 it was, when I found the Crimson Circle. Actually the reason why I "survived" all of this 😍.
“About the Crimson Circle
Crimson Circle is a connecting point for humans who are allowing their enlightenment in this lifetime. The material you’ll find here supports the journey from spiritual awakening to embodied mastery. We honor all people and their chosen belief systems, and do not subscribe to limitations involving the human condition.
We’re all about consciousness. It begins with the simple, personal realization of “I Exist” and then expands into multi-dimensional creation and experience. Some would say we’re New Age or spiritual, but not really. We’re definitely not a religion or church; we don’t have any rules, memberships or dues. We’re just about consciousness.”
(source: https://www.crimsoncircle.com/More/About-Us/About-the-Crimson-Circle)
In 2001, (I think it was?) I met Geoffrey Hoppe (the channeler) and his wife Linda Benyo Hoppe at a “Tobias day” in London. I can’t even tell you, how much to re-connect with consciousness-family Shaumbra was my light in the dark, to see my path of awakening to fully embodied realization and with consciously deciding to stay on the planet a little longer.
I mean, I was always interested in the other side, not particularly scared of dying myself, but I had a little baby (with unsolved father issues...) and I started consciously knowing more and more...
Between Tobias' Lesson 9 "Dance with what comes to your front door" and 10 "Step into your divine will", another, many hours long, surgery, was urged onto me, to have a chance to survive, as doctors said... what a load of crap!!
Anyway, I was physically, mentally so weak and spiritually so fragile, that I had it done. And it caused me more and more health problems. Soon afterwards the doctors at the university hospital told me, that the disease had progressed and was creating tumors on the adrenal, which needed to be removed immediately!!! Otherwise I would be dead in about three months.
WHAAAT??!!!
Imagine… I was in a small room in the old part of the University hospital in Bern, very heavy wooden doors, dark aisles and rooms. There were 7..., yes seven doctors, leading doctors from three departments, waiting for little, weak feeling ME, to tell me, that I am irresponsible and blablabla...
Before I tell you, how this ended, you have to know, that after my thyroid was removed, I was finished with nice-talking, like every diplomatic way of communication, the function of holding back, was cut out. On top of that, the tumor on the adrenal did its thing. Any stressful, unethical, unfair situation felt life-threatening and caused the adrenal to push out a massive amount of adrenaline. It felt like a thousand ants running up my spine and inside my brain it started knocking like crazy. No matter how the human wanted to behave, my dragon was so active, that I uncontrollably spoke truth, my truth. If one didn’t get it, I often started screaming at the one …
So, back at the hospital room: I stood up, said or probably screamed. F**k that, I know you want my adrenal and you will never get it. And I won’t come to see you anymore! And walked out…
First flares of healing
A couple months later, still very ill and so uncertain, if I was right, if they were right or what was right, I got inspired by a doctor in an anthroposophy clinic, to immediately pursue my bucket list’s top point. It also triggered to create my first coffin…
I miraculously, despite all and everything, made it come true, to fly to Australia (my heart-home) for three months to spend time with my son in a beach house. I arrived very depressed, under strong medication, very ill in this wonderful surrounding.
I felt a little bit of joy, but still more darkness.
After about a month, I stood in the breaking waves and realized… no pain!!! Ha, no pain, after two years of constant pain, I didn't feel any and there was this sooo important moment, where I re-connected with living. The memory is vivid, this before and after point, of realizing the start of the healing. It was very instable, but a deep inner sensation, that there might be a live after this.
After three month I had to return to Switzerland and surprise… my blood tests were so much better. Being back in the Swiss Alps, away from my beloved ocean, cancer came back, was spread all over my system, too small to find it and I started living with it, integrating all the aspects coming along with it.
About three years later, it all aligned, that we travelled to Australia again, also to do the SES in Sydney. This was a huge step forward, but still the same story.
After attending SES-teacher and find your Passion in Mallorca I opened my coffin business “Nicer living, nicer dying” early 2009. Right afterwards, I went with my son for one month rejuvenation to Queensland, again, and managed to arrange the comeback the same year for six months in Swiss winter.
Sam, in the meantime at school age went to a Montessori school, and live was good AND when I got back after six months, my cancer results were clear, for the first time in about 10 years...
Isn't that something?
End of that story?
That's what I thought, but it just led into the next level. I healed from cancer and depression, re-balanced the difficulties coming along with missing organs and toxic treatments and had a future.
Despite visa restrictions, when you had cancer or any disease, they don't want you in Australia... I knew that I had to find a way to stay even longer.
And I did! It was only temporary, but for four years. Studying was the key to get around a health certificate.
Woohoo, I had a new potential activated, which I followed up very passionately over the next year. Late 2011, I passed the necessary English tests to study Creative Writing and got approved by the Sunshine Coast University.
In the exact same moment my 12- year-old developed basically overnight a fist-sized tumor on his thyroid. It was like stay here, in the old and sick or go to Australia into the new and exciting future. It was an AND I couldn’t understand. It was one thing to deal with my own health issues, but responsibilities for my minor added a whole other layer. To force surgery on him, the doctors wanted to take custody of me for the time at the hospital. Again stay or go?
I decided to go or better RUN from Switzerland. A full other story, but that’s for another day😉.
December 2016 we got deported, another not so small side story…, and for the last four and a half years, we re-settled in our almost 200 year old house.
The end? Nope
I expected all to stay good, as long as I don’t get myself into old habits and patterns. Despite Sam still being sick and at home, me having my re-occurring health issues here in the cold, it went all pretty struggling well. I had a few really fun jobs, nothing in the old accounting office anymore, but hardly enough. Life felt heavier, more complicated and expensive here. It was so different from living a tropical life, partly in the back of my car out bush.
A year ago, in October 2020 I had a major shift by a Tako Tsubo (broken heart) syndrome. The activity of my heart was down to 10 % when I got delivered to the local hospital and by ambulance straight to the University hospital in Bern! Nooo! I never, ever wanted to go there again.
And here it is, this other, so, so, so important point of transformation in my story.
While my heart almost stopped, I was in this very quiet space, just there…, but not! At Zero?! I can only imagine, that this is how the metamorphosis of the caterpillar to the butterfly feels like.
During these five days, I started realizing and experiencing, that I was realized. Situations like 20 years ago occurred, including doctors trying to force me to do surgery… and remove both adrenals...
The perception and involvement is so different, in many ways. It was an intense year, it was a magical year.
As grateful I am towards the Crimson Circle with its mob, I am towards this horrendously transforming experience of a complex disease.
