Deanne Dillon Coaching

06/26/2024

Listening for a growth or fixed mindset, is something we learn to do as coaches. Even if we don't talk directly about this concept with our clients, we can hear it in how they tell parts of their story, describe parts of their career journey or talk about their various skills and strengths (I say parts to emphasize that most of us have a mix of fixed and growth mindsets). We can help shift others towards a more growth-oriented mindset by asking questions that reinforce the notion that growth is always possible and with effort, there will be learning and improvement. I sometimes use questions like What do you want to get better at (vs achieve)? What skill do you most want to strengthen? What did you learn from that other experience that you can apply to this?
This short article by the Neuroleadership Institute has some great tips about how to recognize and make the shift.

If you feel stuck, you may have a fixed mindset about growth mindset itself. Here's how to shift your thinking.

09/17/2023

This post reminded me of a belief some of my clients have shared with me. They believe they cannot be authentic and continue to climb the corporate ladder. They sometimes assume being authentic means sharing their every thought and opinion on every matter.
However, you can be an authentic leader who is also politically savvy. It takes courage to give a voice to what you most value and it takes discipline to let the small things go without comment.
If it’s not core to your values and if no one is getting hurt by it, it might be your wisest choice to resist the urge to express your half baked opinion and just listen.

07/24/2023

You cannot have consistent high performance by constantly performing. The best way to effectively tackle peak demand periods at work is to develop and practice good rest and recovery habits.

After working hard for long hours and toughing it out, we at least expect success. However, more often than not, at the end of the day we are exhausted and still have a long list of tasks to complete. Why does this happen? According to the authors, working adults have a fundamental misunderstanding....

06/27/2023

I found the latest edition of Susan Cain’s Kindred Letters fascinating. It's possible that extroverts are throwing off the results of various assessments and surveys because of their tendency to express stronger levels of like or dislike than introverts. It makes me wonder how this shows up in my life with people I know and people I coach. I consider myself an introvert and most of the time, my reactions to things are pretty moderate. However, there are times when I am "over the top" in my enthusiasm for a moving performance, an impactful book, an invigorating run, a deep conversation, an outstanding meal, or a new travel experience (to name a few). This really makes me curious about how we might measure whether there is an actual difference in the degree of feeling or merely the expression of feeling in extroverts and introverts. For example, would an extrovert and introvert make the same effort or pay the same amount of money for an enjoyable experience to be repeated? Could we measure this somehow? The other aspect I wonder about is whether introverts demonstrate extreme reactions as well but about fewer things that they judge as highly valuable to them such as the list I shared. Maybe introverts are more selective, or expressiveness is related to another quality or a value in addition to their level of extra/introversion. What do you think? This raises some interesting questions.

Susan Cain | Do you love big ideas & beautiful art? This newsletter is for kindred spirits who are drawn to quiet, depth, and beauty

06/24/2023

Passion is a double edged sword that keeps us fired up about our work but also makes it difficult to stop and rest. It’s harder to take a break from something you love to do than something you do not enjoy-that makes total sense. Yet, periods of rest and time away are exactly what we need to do to sustain our passion over the long term.

Passion is often heralded as the key to a fulfilling and successful career, but the authors’ recent research suggests that it can also come at a cost: Feeling passionate about work can lead to exhaustion and even burnout. Through studies with more than 700 employees across a wide range of industri...

05/19/2023

I like easy to remember acronyms for useful concepts. I recently read Henry Cloud’s book, Boundaries for Leaders, where he gives his take on the “three P thinking” from renowned psychologist Martin Seligman.

Three P stands for Personal, Pervasive and Permanent:

1. Personal: personalizing thought or statement such as I am a failure. I cannot. I am not. I am always.
2. Pervasive: overgeneralizing negative thoughts regarding incidents or events in one domain of your life - Nothing in my life is going well. No one cares about me. My whole career is a disaster.
3. Permanent: thinking that things are stable, unchanging, and permanent. Thoughts like - I will never succeed. I will always struggle to… There will never be another opportunity to….

We become immobilized and unable to act with these kinds of thought distortions. While identifying actual obstacles and strategizing on ways to address them can be quite useful, “three P thinking” inflates the obstacles and overwhelms us. However, if we can notice ourselves having these kinds of thoughts, we can bring them out into the open and challenge them. Cloud talks about how leaders in organizations need to put boundaries around this kind of negative thinking within themselves and also within whole teams.

When we confront our “three P thinking” we gain clarity and perspective. The moment we shift our thinking away from the personal, pervasive, and permanent and focus on where in the situation we have some control, we give ourselves options and suddenly there is a menu of choices available to us for actions we can take (Cloud calls this “find-a-way” thinking). While we can never be sure of the outcome, we can at least greatly increase our chances of success when we engage in creative and action-oriented thinking that helps move us forward. If you are not sure if you have “three P thinking” ask a trusted friend, or colleague or enlist the help of a professional coach. You might be surprised about thought traps that are so habitual, that they go unnoticed and are hampering your leadership and personal effectiveness and even your well-being.

When do you find yourself falling into a three P thinking trap?

04/11/2023

Book Recommendation! In "Set Boundaries, Find Peace", Nedra Glover Tawwab describes several types of healthy boundaries, what gets in the way of setting boundaries, and she even provides language to use when asserting your boundaries. Tawwab doesn’t gloss over the fact that setting boundaries can feel incredibly uncomfortable and will often evoke feelings of guilt especially when you need to establish boundaries with your family. Even when you become practiced in setting boundaries you still need to learn how to manage through those feelings. The key point being that there will be a short-term discomfort but that’s far less painful than the long-term suffering that comes from never having your own needs met because you don’t stand up for yourself or you value your own needs less than the needs of others. Doing that repeatedly and over time can erode our confidence which lessens the likelihood that we will take on new challenges and risks and could even lead to burnout as we start to feel stuck in current circumstances. That’s a big price to pay for the momentary squeamishness that comes from saying what you need in plain direct language.

If you find yourself in a pattern of feeling overworked and overstressed at work no matter which job or organization you are in, it is possible you have not established, communicated, or upheld any boundaries. If there is one key lesson to take away from Tawwab’s book it’s that you can leave a job but your inability to set boundaries will follow – that statement hit home for me in a big way, and I see this pattern in many former colleagues and some of my clients.

Boundary issues at work include constantly helping others while neglecting your own work, taking on more than you can reasonably handle during a normal work week, saying yes to tasks and projects without checking to see if you have the time and resources to handle it, consistently working during hours where you had planned to do other things, doing a job that is meant for two people, not speaking up when you feel overwhelmed, not taking vacation days or other paid time off. If any of these sound like you, I highly recommend you pick up a copy of "Set Boundaries, Find Peace" and get some support from resources like a coach or even a mentor who can help you figure out what are your most important boundaries and what steps can you take to start putting them in place.

SET BOUNDARIES, FIND PEACE. Simple-yet-powerful ways to establish healthy boundaries in all aspects of life. Nedra Glover Tawwab is an author, licensed therapist and sought-after relationship expert, she has practiced relationship therapy for more than fifteen years. Tawwab has appeared as an expert