01/03/2025
I look at this picture and I hardly recognize myself. Maybe that sounds dramatic but it’s the truth. At this time, the family was together in Costa Rica, living our best lives. Less than a year later, EVERYTHING changed.
It’s really hard to describe what it’s like to live with the uncertainty that comes when your partner, best friend and the father of your children is diagnosed with an aggressive form of brain cancer.
The acuteness of surgery and radiation puts life on pause for a little bit. But then the responsibilities of life force you to (mostly) carry on as though things are normal. The reality is that nothing feels normal. Everything has changed.
There isn’t a day that goes by that isn’t clouded with worry, anxiety, frustration, anger or grief. It’s been almost 2 years since Drew’s diagnosis, and while we’ve had moments of joy and laughter, it’s hard not to wait for the ball to drop despite our intentions to think positively. Because let me tell you, cancer doesn’t give a s$*t about positive thoughts.
Right before Christmas, we got word that Drew’s tumor is back and growing and he resumes chemo next week.
So as the clock rolled over to the new year, and Mya asked me what my goals were, I decided to give it some thought. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t facing 2025 with some hesitation. But, goals are important and so, here are mine.
1 - Reconnect with friends. You’d think in times like this, you’d lean more on your friends. To some extent I have. But I’ve also done a pretty great job of isolating myself. This needs to change.
2- Practice self-care. I’ve done a great job of making sure everyone around me is looked after, but I have done a poor job of looking after myself. Th is needs to change because it will only make me a better wife, mother and friend.
3- Create joy and make memories. Say yes to the things that make us all happy, even when the emotional fatigue is heavy.
4 - Turn a blind eye to toxic positivity.
5 - Show the people important to me as much love as possible.
My goals in the past have been quite different. But adversity certainly changes perspective and priorities.