02/07/2025
A lot of child predators try to establish a relationship with the child, before the actual sexual abuse takes place.
- They embark on big actions that make the child feel loved and treasured.
- They say all the right things (what the child wants to listen).
- They are the child's emotional support, validating all their impulses and responses to other people.
At the same time:
- They establish secrecy ("this will be our secret", " you are the only one I trust", "people are mean, they won't be able to understand us/me")
- They start asking "favors". Now it's the child's time to "prove their love" (like the offender has done in the past with actions, gifts, words of love, reassurance etc.)
- They start acting out if the child has boundaries and doesn't engage in sexual acts.
- They show them p**n to break down those boundaries and show them what is "normal".
- They groom them.
This doesn't happen in a day, weeks, or even a month. It takes a few months, or even 1-2 years in some cases. The person is usually already in the child's life (parental figure/family friend/relative) and this "method" will ensure that:
- the child remains silent
- they will learn to love them, thus will want to protect them from law enforcement
- they will think it is their idea and they consent to the acts in a mutual "adult like" relationship
If you have kids, please have some serious talks about this very important issue.
Written by Marianna Nik
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What steps can we take to help children recognise these behaviours and feel safe enough to speak up?
