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Talk Addiction with Raylee, Meadow Lake, SK (2026)

09/04/2024

today i sit here and look at these pictures. The one on the left was taken in 2019. one could say i look "happy" i see lifeless eyes, sunken eyes and no body fat what so ever. a smile thats not a real smile but a smile thats hiding so much pain, hurt and betrayal. The one on the right is from this week end 2024. so full of life, a genuine smile, a spakle in her eyes more meat on my body than should be but hey im healthy!! 🙌 from sad and depressed too a soul whose life is finally full of purpose. It took me a long while to get where i am through hardships and the most exciting adventures but threw it all i am here today standing tall, sober & clean, with the help of some very wonderful individuals who are always here to listen to my vents, cries, and also my happy times. I know yous know who you are and i cant thank yous enough for ALWAYS being their for me when i need it. I seriously wouldnt be where i am today if it wasnt for these few people 🩷💙 over the past 4 years i have achieved so much and i have soooo much more i wanna do! my story is just starting and i am soooo excited for what the future has in store for me and my family. I fought hard to get where i am and the fighting will never come to a stop. today i am proud to say i reached FOUR YEARS SOBER AND CLEAN!! 🙌🙌 So many more years to come but if you asked me 4 years ago if i ever thought id be where i am today i would of never imagined.i wanna thank everyone who has stood behind me who been in my corner to push me forward who kept me in their prayers and who never gave up on me. life is a blessing and YOU CAN GET CLEAN if you put your mind too it. Happy Four Year Soberversity To MEEE 🙌🙌 four years clean, serene and sober. #2024

04/19/2023

Good morning all. Been up since 7am, just laying in bed thinking about life. How the life in living is one sooo different than the one I was living 2.5 years ago. I have to thank my higher power, family and kids for this. Without their support and love I wouldn't be where I am today. I have had a few tough times along my journey but I never was left alone at times of need, I always had a shoulder to cry on, oh and ice cream 😊 no matter what I was going threw I had family there to help me along the way. For the talks that I just needed to get off my chest, even if it was a re run or som**hing little I always had a ear to listen to me, even if they didn't want too 🤭 I honestly can say I don't think I'd be where I am today if it wasn't for my loved ones. My bills are paid and up to date, I have money in my saving, I have not one but 2 credit cards that I'm keeping up with, I have a fridge and 2 freezers full of food as well as cupboards and even a pantry. Som**hing that seems like a normal thing is som**hing so huge to me. I can remember going grocery shopping once a month and having little to nothing by the end of the month. Today I have options, and if I.dont have som**hing in my big stock pile I can just go and buy it. So weird. Such an amazing feeling. I have a safe nice home that I know my babies will always be safe in. We have everything we need and most of what we want. I have a good reliable safe vehicle for us to take trips in, ps I have had it for half a year and not once it had to go in the shop. Unlike my monthly shop visit with my old vehicle. Traveling and doing things that I always wanted to do but never did is som**hing that's huge today, like going to oilers games and taking my babies to the city. Furthering my education to become a better me and make a life for us, it's crazy that in just 7 short months I will have a diploma for addictions and community services health professional. 😳
2.5 years ago I didn't know if I'd be alive the following day, I did know I'd be laying in bed all day stuck on my phone high as a kite. I did know if I was to cook it would be whatever was left in my cupboards to cook. I did know if I slept id wake up texting the dealer. And If I didn't sleep I'd still be texting the dealer. I do know I was not only a sh*tty person but a sh*tty mother. And I will spend the rest of my life trying.to make up for that lost time and lost love.
The other day I came across a video of someone using what I was addicted to, and you know it surprised me. All I could think about is if my family was wondering if that triggered me and if I'd be okay after seeing that. I didn't once think about using or when I used or anything just if my family was wondering about me 🤣 that's a huge step in recovery. It took my a long while to not think about all the places I got high or where u got high or how I was when I got high. That video showed me m**h has nothing on me no more!! I am finally free of all the agony torcher and pain. Of course no addict is out of the woods, as it's a lifetime jounrey but I can say that seeing a user use (on a video) had no effect on me what's so ever.
Anyways life is great today, looking back at how far I actually come is som**hing I'll forever be amazed about. And proud of! If you are fighting the battle, just know there is light at the end of the tunnel, and life can be so fkn great! I love you, I see you, I belive in you! Keep fighting. 🩷

03/09/2023

Hey all, it's been a while. Thought I'd share a Lil som**hing with you. The extent to just how m**h can effect one's brain. You see this scar? It's one of the many scars I have on my legs. These were made by a tweezers.

When one is on m**h there are so many different things that every individual could expierence, and not everyone who uses expierences the same things. One of those things is the thought of bugs in one's skin, or in my case the thought of pieces of m**h under my skin.

We all know there isn't bugs under these individuals skin, and most know m**h crystals do not form in one's body and come out as such. You know that's a funny thing I just said. You notice I said most? Today I really honestly don't know what's true, I mean I know what's true but at the same time going through it, it was just so real. So as much as I know this was just an effect from using there is a side of my brain that still tells me that those really were crystals I was picking at. Going off topic, this is another underlining effect of using. As much as you know things aren't real, there's a little bit of wondering your left with because m**h makes everything seem so real. I honestly can say that even today, a little over 2 years and 6 months clean, there are some things that I still have no clue if they really happened or not and some things that happened if they were real or not. And honestly I will never know, it will be a thought I will have forever. For example one time I was in my apartment building and the whole thing looked like a hotel, I literally thought I was on a hotel. Being at home the next day I knew that was just all in my head and wasn't real. Like how could my apartment change in one day and be back to normal the next? Not possible, it was just the high. Another time we were driving around and I thought I was a baby. To me I literally acted like a baby the whole drive. Did I really act like a baby and do all the things I thought I was doing during this time? I have no fkn idea and I'll never know. Defining real from unreal is som**hing that is hard to do when using this drug.

Back to the original topic. These scars are made from me thinking that I had pieces of crystal (m**h) under my skin. I literally thought that my body took in this drug and than made actual crystals that were just waiting there for me pick out. So I'd take a tweezers and dig into my skin tryna search for these crystals. Obviously it was deep enough to make a scar. Feeling no pain whatsoever or anything I just sat there for hours picking, picking, picking.

After I got clean I wanted to see just how m**h effected me and my body, seeing as I could pick without pain for so long i decided to test it out. I took a tweezers and poked my leg. Yea fkn right, ouch! I couldn't even make a scratch my leg.

So you see from this post, it makes you trip out in so many different ways, and it takes away all pain and emotions. You wonder why people on drugs kill or do other crazy/hurtful/scary things, well now you know. M**h itself is a demon and a demon that resides in the person using. Making feeling, emotions, rational thinking, disappear. What's right from wrong? What's real and is not real? We don't know at the time. No matter what is being thought about or "tripped" about is real to a person high on m**h.

11/20/2022

I'm sorry! To all my family and kids. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for the hell I put yous threw.

11/20/2022

This has to be the most truest of truths ever!

11/15/2022

Amen 🙏 good morning all, wishing you all a blessed day ❤️

11/14/2022

The only way we are going to make it in this life is if we forget about yesterday and live for today.

Did you relapse yesterday? Today's a new day to start fresh! We all relapse can't express it enough, it's not about how many times you fall but how many times you get back and continue to fight.
Did you have a bad day in general? We all have those days, have a hot bath, rinse all the negative energy off yourself, today's a brand new day.

We can't live our life wishing and stressing over the day before us, let us move on and live for today. We woke up to another be greatful and live everyday as it's your last ❤️

11/08/2022

A little ponder I have been having since the passing of Aaron Carter. I have been doing alot of searching, watching videos, ect of this man since his passing. If you don't know Aaron Carter, the brother of Nick Carter from the backstreet Boys, was found dead in his bathtub on Nov 5th. May his soul RIP.

With further investigation, as I haven't followed him since I was small, I have found such hatred and ill words towards this young man. It really saddens me. You may or may not know, that he was an addict and had mental health issues. With myself being an addict and also fighting with mental health issues throughout most my life this really bothers me.

I get that when your famous you get a lot of hatred as well as love from fans but we all have to rememeber that no matter where we come from, how rich/poor we are, where we grew up, who our family is, we are all human beings and all have the same emotions. Seeing all the hatred towards this man when he was battling such hard battles breaks my heart into 2. I could never imagine trying to live a life that your stuck in, such as addiction and dealing with mental health issues (mine was depression), and taking all that hatred and rudeness in at the same time. We don't know the cause of death as of yet, but I truly believe that what this man had to go threw and see and hear from the world had som**hing to do with it. Living in addiction is not easy and to have the world hating on you in the publics eyes would make it so much harder and make one want to use even more. Hey we use so we don't have to feel right!

I know this post has nothing to do with me, but at the same time it does. I know how it is to live in addiction, i know how it is to live knowing no one knew exactly what your going threw, I know how it is to live a life you don't want to be living and having people judge you for it. I never did have to expierence hatred from people as I wasn't living in the publics eyes, which I am so damn greatful for. I honestly don't know if I would of been able to do it. You know, we aren't all lucky, we don't all get out before it's too late, and having such hatred towards yourself would make it that much harder for one to escape active addiction.

I just wanted to make this post to spread awareness and love. EVERYONE is human, even active addicts. Don't be hateful, be kind! ❤️ words do hurt more than anything! Coming from an addict in recovery, bashing and being harsh to us, is not going to help us get better at all. I would never talk bad about an addict as I think everyone should learn not too, as I do know just how it is to be living in that life and I know we make stupid choices and decisions but I also do know we are human and stuck in a cycle that we wish we could escape from EVERY SINGLE DAY! Let's not make things harder for addicts but try help them instead. Always be kind my friends, you never know what a person is going threw or what they went threw in life.

11/02/2022

Humpday Motivation

YOU CAN DO IT! DONT GIVE UP MY FRIENDS! Doesn't matter how many times you fall, what matters is how many times you get back up and keep trucking. ❤️

1 year, 4 months, 17 days pop free. (Caffeine) ☕️
1 year, 10 months alcohol free. 🍺
1 year, 1 month, 2 weeks smoke free (ci******es, I v**e sadly) 🚬
2 years, 1 month, 28 days m**h free. 💊

**if I can do it, you can too!

10/27/2022

Remember all its not about how hard you fall or when you fall, it is about getting back up after you fall.

Recovery is not easy, and for many it is a very hard life to live but believe me when I say you are not alone and it can be done AND it is so rewarding. If you put the work in you can and will achieve greatness, the question is, are you ready to put nothing but your all into this?

10/22/2022

A little info on m**h this morning. (This is salt)

BUT if you have not seen m**h before, it looks almost exactly like this salt, although it's usually not as white and can be different colors. It doesn't have to be small like this either. Som**hing like this is what our people are purchasing for a low amount of money in which does great corruption to their lives and everyone's lives around them. There are multiple ways one can use m**h. You can crush it up into a powder like form and snort it. You can put in in a glass pipe and melt it to smoke it, this also can be done with a lightbulb. Or you can dilute it with water into a syringe and that is how people shoot up or inject it. The other way one can use m**h is crushing it up and using a hot glass snorting pipe to snort the smoke. Bubblers are also another way to smoke which is a makeshift device almost like a lunger for smoking w**d. I'm sure there probably is more ways to use m**h but these are the ways that I know (not saying I did all)
When using m**h you do not inhale the smoke as one would do a cigarette or you will crystallize your lungs. M**h is made of many different things under your kitchen sink. The high is long lasting and makes you hallucinate, sweat, hear voices, do things that you would usually never dream of doing sober. It keeps you up for days and for most (not all) it takes away your appetite for any foods and/or liquids. Many do drink alcohol in which they say evens out the high or calms them, this I can't say if it is true or not.
People think using m**h can be done without messing up ones life but in reality even if you have it in control now you will lose all control eventually and it will ruin everything and everything you have ever got or worked for in life.

When I first got clean, this salt was my biggest enemy and a huge trigger, that is how closely to m**h it resembles.

Talk Addiction with Raylee

09/04/2024

04/19/2023

03/09/2023

11/20/2022

11/20/2022

11/15/2022

11/14/2022

11/08/2022

11/02/2022

10/27/2022

10/22/2022

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