05/28/2026
I work in restorative justice. Mainly with kids, but there are often adults involved. I think it's important for adults to hear this.
The kids who sit in our circles are more courageous than adults. They move through responsibility, accountability, and repair, even though it's incredibly hard.
Many times when adults are asked to show up the same way, they want to control the narrative. They have difficult listening to, and empathizing with the other people in the circle. They are challenged with defining their role in repair. And they often want to default to their authority and experience.
It's much harder to help adults recognize their role in why harm happens.
What do we do about it?
I encourage adults to listen to listen, not listen to respond. To not address the incident, but instead the harm they hear has been caused. To try to understand where others are coming from, not just want others to understand us.
When we show up to defend, or stay on the surface of what happened versus what hurt, we can avoid feeling hard things, and maybe some tough self-reflection.
Our role in repair comes from care. Not from being right.
