15/05/2025
This is a rather long post about someone I help to help themselves. I haven’t added his name as it isnt needed. What’s needed is to understand that we all go through stuff but we can all get ‘better’ with a bit of help from…..well, you’ll find out if you take the time to read it, or just look at the picture anyway : )
Just over three years ago, I picked up my phone to speak with someone who, almost from the outset, laid out a string of diagnoses: CPTSD, bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression, learning difficulties, among other challenges. I clearly remember interrupting gently and asking “What’s your name?” Because, really, that’s all I need to know, not the labels you’ve been given. We chatted for a wee bit and I remember him asking ‘What do I call you? Sifu, master...’ I said ’You can call me Jim, as strangely enough that’s my name’.
Our first session wasn’t what most people would expect from a combatives or martial arts instructor. We didn’t jump straight into physical training, we sat in his home, talked openly, and explored what he wanted from the training. In my notebook I wrote down just one word: TRUST. Initially it was about him trusting me. Ultimately though it was about him learning to trust himself.
Over the part 3 years, I’ve watched this amazing man transform profoundly. From regularly dealing with police, paramedics and the CATT visiting his home all too frequently, to enduring repeated hospital stays, his life was incredibly turbulent. Self-harm, su***de attempts, anxiety attacks - these were once quite common occurrences.
Today, that reality is entirely different. He’s stopped harming himself and attempting su***de. Visits from emergency services are a distant memory, and hospital visits are no longer part of his routine. This incredible transformation hasn’t happened through magic, but rather through consistent, thoughtful changes in how he views himself and his experiences.
Together, we created a unique language that has empowered him. ‘Anxiety’ became ‘marshmallows’ – soft, squishy and something that you can melt away. ‘Trauma’ shifted into ‘past experiences where something positive was learnt’ and ‘difficult’ evolved simply into ‘not easy’, a subtle change making the obstacle feel manageable. We also banished the word ‘try’ because to ‘try’ suggests an excuse to fail, that a half measure is enough. Now we simply ‘do’, no excuses, you just do it and it either works or it fails and then you learn from it then do it again and again until you succeed. Emotional ownership took centre stage: “they made me angry, sad, upset”, changed to “I chose to feel angry, sad, upset”.
Central to our journey has been breathwork, particularly focusing on the exhale, which calms the nervous system and gives you the ability to respond rather than react. One practical exercise involves placing a 5kg sandbag on his stomach, creating awareness on where the breath is going. The immediate relief when the weight is removed serves as a powerful metaphor. It highlights how the pressure we perceive from our environment, from others, and from challenging situations are often burdens we impose on ourselves. We create the stress within ourselves, the external pressures just gives us an excuse. Once the weight lifts, breathing, both literally and figuratively, becomes far easier, clearer and calmer.
This work was profoundly transformative. At one stage, he couldn’t even make it to his own letterbox due to overwhelming anxiety and paranoia. Today, he regularly takes walks, ventures out into nearby shopping centres and park, and even rides his bike confidently through the neighbourhood. And now, he is in the incredible process of moving into his own home, something that felt almost impossible 12 months ago.
He isn’t just a success story, or a client, he’s a friend. His empathy, care and compassion for others inspires me daily, as much as his hard-earned wisdom inspires me to become better. It’s an absolute privilege not to just train alongside him, but to watch him step into his true potential, proving again the immense power we have when WE TRUST OURSELVES.
There will be dips ahead but as always you will get through them and bounce back even higher. I’m very proud of you, my friend. Keep doing (not trying) and keep being your most excellent self : )
