The 2019 Phillthy Report

The 2019 Phillthy Report AFL reports

28/09/2025

Grand Final 2025 - The report!

The epic battle for AFL glory was …. kind of like
a ping ping match for the first three quarters.

Geelong gets a goal (ping), then Brisbane gets a
goal (pong)

Geelong gets a bit head (ping) then
Brisbane draws even(pong). Then excitement!!

Brisbane draws ahead (ping) and Geelong draws back even(pong).

Both teams seemed to be both brillant and sloppy.. And so it was shapping up to be the most even GF in a long while. Uncle Phillthy and many punters at the G were thinking this would go to the wire.

But then the Paddlepops when into a snap chiller at 3/4 time. They came out hard as diamonds and chilly as an ex-wife’s death stare. So hard in fact, that the cats broke their feral teeth on them.

The Pops smacked the pu***es hard and
repeatedly.. In fact hit them 11 goals
to 2 over the space of a quarter. The Cats did get some pride back late in the forth, but that was due to the Lions having a winners party
on the bench when the result was beyond doubt.

In fact, so bad was the smacking that Baily Smith started waving a white flag in surrender. (well maybe that was his headband that got knocked off his head… But I digress).

So what started as an even arm wrestle ended as a completed smack down. Brisbane repeat and the footy comentators once again mostly
got it wrong.

In Other News….

Faggin sets another record……. After the 2024 Grand Final, Chris Faggin became the oldest man to coach a Winning GF team. When asked about breaking his own record with this GF win, Faggin said “Well, you have to work hard to be this old.”

W**d not the only drug at GF….. Mr Dogg
was suspected of bring w**d to the GF. But it turns out that a certain Charlie Cameron was getting “Rockie Mountain High” on the “misty taste of moonshine”. This maybe why he suddenly started kicking goals as he had been down that certain “Country Road”.

Ashcroft does a Dusty…… Seems young Will Ashcroft has gone back to back with the Norm Smith Medal, a feat not seen since the likes of D. Martin in 2019 and 2020. Could Will and the
Lions go one better than the Tigers next year, and threepeat the GF and have Will threepeat the Normie.

Well that’s it for 2025.

Grand Final Pre Show Pt 3Well, the Dawg strolled onto the MCG (More Cronic Guys) with a cane and a swagger.Seemed to me ...
28/09/2025

Grand Final Pre Show Pt 3

Well, the Dawg strolled onto the MCG (More Cronic Guys) with a cane and a swagger.

Seemed to me that he and his support dancers had been pre-loading with the Gunja by the way they were moving. In fact, Snoopy was so unsteady by the end of his set, that he needed to be drive off in a golf buggy (or the W**d Mobile).

In hind sight, he was the best of the acts I had seen in the last few years post Covid. The sound system at the G is not great and it lags a bit with the sound from the speakers on the field. Add to this, the pictures of the Jumbo Trons and the small monitor in the high stands are so out of sync it would make an actor in an old Japanese samuri movie mouth “damn” one second after he said it.

As a result, with Mr Dogg having a thing for the wacky tabbacy, the whole experience was like a clayton’s w**d trip. Everything seems out of joint and there were these weird echos bouncing around. It was like having been on the turbs for a week and I fully expexted somesort of pink
animal to gallop across the field. Make many people around me feel a little unsteady
after his set. Or maybe there was real w**d smoke blowing around (see pictures).

But he got the youngun rocking and the oldies looking somewhat drug fugged. 8 out of 10
on the Meatloaf scale of GF entertainment.

PS A Blunt is a wacky tabbacy rollie. “Cronic” and “Gunja” are nick names for Wacky Tabbacy.

Grand Final Pre-Show part 2 As it usually the case, Mike Brady was rolled out to sing “Up There Cazaly”. The crowd was m...
28/09/2025

Grand Final Pre-Show part 2

As it usually the case, Mike Brady was rolled out to sing “Up There Cazaly”. The crowd was moved and loved it.

However, a 20 something young lady in front of Uncle Phillthy asked her late 20 something boyfriend, “Who’s that old dude?”

He replied, “That’s Mike Brady. He sings that song every year. It’s sort of an footy anthem.”

To my surprise, she replied “Oh do you mean the father in the Brady Bunch. I just discovers them on (some streaming service). I thought he was dead when I looked him up
on the internet.”

It seems that the young lady was mainly
at the game to see the Smoke Dawg.

My thoughts at this point mirrored a great sage of Australia

First act of preshow…. Baker BoyWho’s that you say… Some local Kurri rapper…The biggest feature of his act was the bigge...
27/09/2025

First act of preshow…. Baker Boy

Who’s that you say… Some local Kurri rapper…

The biggest feature of his act was the biggest “blunt” this reporter has ever seen… (Someone told it was a Didgeridoo but I have never seen that much smoke from a hollow stick.

Sharon McNamara-Youl Small update —- the stage crew are testing Snoop Dogg’s joint lighters….Can’t do good (?) rapp with...
27/09/2025

Sharon McNamara-Youl Small update —- the stage crew are testing Snoop Dogg’s joint lighters….

Can’t do good (?) rapp with out some burning Gunja!

Who let the Dogg in!!!!! Woof Woof (biatches)!Yes, It’s that time of the season again… And once again at great personal ...
27/09/2025

Who let the Dogg in!!!!! Woof Woof (biatches)!

Yes, It’s that time of the season again… And once again at great personal risk (of expose to drug smoke) and expense (dose tickets ain’t cheap homie), Uncle Phillthy is in da Dogg House!

As you can see from the photo, the stage for Mr Snoopy is being set up… But I have to wonder if Charlie Brown knows where his Dawg is.

But I digress.

This year we have the P***y Cats verses the Paddlepop Lions.

Having taken last year off the Cats are hoping to win Chris Scott his third cup in 16 years. (Some say his first one shouldn’t count as he won that with Bomber Thompsons team of the naughties, but that’s just logicial nitpicking).

And speaking of the number 3, this is the third Grandfinal in three years for the Lions. Having already got some Karma of the legion of the toothless (Collingwood) last week for their lose in GF23, the lions will be looking for more Karma against the Cats for their defeat in the Qualifying Final of this year….

So will the Lions skin the ferrals, or will the Cats lick the Paddlepops…….

Standby for more as it happens.

PSA - Uncle Phillthy is “blunt” about his stance on No Drugs in the GF. So Mr Dogg better stay down wind of him today.

24/09/2022

2022 Grand Final Final Siren Report....

The Ferals of Geelong have completely smashed the snot out of the roast Ducks.

So bad was the mauling that the MCG 'bled' red down the aisles as the Swan supporters started walking out at about the 10 min mark of the final quarter. They were probably deaf from the 'Thunder from the Sky' brought down by the Cats fan as each goal was scored.

It seems Sydney teams can't beat feline Melbourne teams in the GF without being mauled to the point that the only way to identify the losing team is via dental records. First the GWS is absolutely killed by the Tigers in 2019 and now the Cats have shaken the Swans until there were feathers all over Yarra Park.

And it was a hard journey for Cats fans. The pothole riddled Prince Hwy is a nasty road to have to drive up, but the drive home for many of the feral fans will be sweet.

The pain for the Sydney didn't end there. "Fiddy" Franklin (the 10 Million Dollar Man) again failed to deliver the Grand Final. Hopefully, his one year extension will pay dividends next year for the Swans.

Good to see was that, at long last, Chris "Grumpy Cat" Scott has finally won a Grand Final in his own right. I know this is an unpopular opinion but that first GF Chris Scott 'coached' was really the Bomber Thompson memorial premiership. A Drover's Dog could have coached the Cats to that win. So well done to Chris for finally overcoming his hoodoo in finals.

Also good to see was Danger "mouse" Field, finally justify his move from Adelaide to the Cats by winning a Grand Final. A bit of a shame he couldn't win the Dusty .... sorry Norman Smith medal. But you can't win everything (unless you are Dusty Martin in 2017).

As to the Normy, I would have thought Tyson "Chicken Little" Steggle would have been a better winner. Most goals, adequate disposals and nearly 500m gained. But when you 'sh*te' in the Crows nest, you probable have to accept just being in the winning GF team is enough.

So that's it for the 2022 season and Geelong will be impossible to visit for the smell of the Cats marking their territory.

This is Uncle Phillthy signing off..... for now.

24/09/2022

GF wrap up will be delayed … phone going flat … Too much GF excitment for it.

24/09/2022

Third Quarter Report ….

THE FORK IS IN! THE FORK IS IN.

The Ducks are roasted and the cats are feasting on the juicy flesh.

Breaking News… Some clown has invaded the pitch… Must have been a Sydney supporter as he couldn’t evade the tackle of a security guard who had the build of Homer Simpson after having eaten a box of donut.

So the only real question now is can the Cats set a GF winning record cos there is little chance they can lose from here.

24/09/2022

Half time entertainment Report…

Don’t know really….

For the first time in more than 40 years, Uncle Phillthy had to line up for the toilet…. Almost made me feel sorry for the women who always have to wait in line.

But the long line didn’t surprise me…. The beer has started to run out at some of the outlets…

No matter who wins today, the caterers have proven that they aren’t match fit after two years without a GF.

24/09/2022

Half Time at the G…..

While it looks grim for the Ducks and the fork is about ready to be put in and the gravy made, the Ferals have been here before.

The ghost of 2020 could be hanging on their minds and the Swans may think they can pull off a come back…

But Uncle Phillthy is sceptical… The cats, even when they are kicking fur balls, seem to have finally found their GF mojo….

Odds sharpening for a Cats victory.

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