Like most young girls playing netball, I had dreams to play netball for Australia.
I started playing this great sport when I was 8 years old, a year earlier than the traditional age. My sister started at this time and as I copied everything she did, it was only natural that I wanted to play to. I was also tall, so was given the green light to hit the court. I was a natural from the get go and spent most of my time after school shooting goals with my mum’s childhood netball post. I would throw the ball off the wall, catch, turn and shoot, visualising myself shooting the winning goal for Australia with seconds to go (just like my idol Sharelle McMahon did many times in those nail biters against New Zealand). I would drag mum out with the broom so I could practice shooting over obstacles. Repeat all the shooting variations – step back left, step back right, falling out of court, one handed, long shots, medium shots, under the post – over and over again. I would be outside all evening until the sun went down.
I lived for Saturday netball and could happily spend my whole day down at the courts. After my game, I would sit on the sidelines of my sister’s game praying that they would need a fill in and would often whisper to my mum, who was the coach, to drag player X as I could do a better job.
I progressed through the standard player pathway quite quickly – Association, Regional, State School Girls, Under 17’s, Under 19’s, Under 21’s and Open.
At the age of 16, I was playing for Division 1 State League and out of the blue got a phone call from the Perth Orioles head coach. Given they had some injuries and players going overseas, they asked me if I was free on the weekend to fly to Adelaide to go away with the team. Can you imagine getting that call?! This was like a dream come true. I was so excited and no surprises, took the day off school. I recall when signing my player contract (well before the league was as professional as it is now) and reading that there was a sign on fee which was $50. As this was all very new to me, I had to clarify if I was paying them $50 or if they were paying me? She laughed and confirmed that they were paying me. I couldn’t sign the contract quick enough! Not only was I playing the sport I loved BUT now I was getting paid for it.
At the age of 18, I won the Perth Orioles player of the year, which was a huge surprise for me. It was after this time that I was invited to the Australian Institute of Sport (AIS) to live in as a full-time athlete. This was a huge decision to make given that I had a good year with the Perth Orioles, but one I felt would benefit my development for the future. Living in Canberra and having access to world class facilities and being coached by elite coaches, was what I thought was required to get me to the next level.
On reflection this is where my mindset and unhelpful thoughts began to take over and my netballing abilities would never be the same. I recall when deciding to move to the AIS I instantly put A LOT of pressure on myself to perform. I was one of the few players already playing in the Commonwealth Bank Trophy League so took it upon myself to be a leader. This is when I began to be really hard on myself and I would build up a lot of anxiety about playing, but mostly about shooting. I would think about shooting ALL DAY to the point that I would make myself sick and nervous. What if I miss? What if I shoot an air ball? What if I miss multiple shots in a row? What if I don’t get the rebound? What if it’s under the post?
By the time I got to training, I would be a nervous wreck, to the point that my hands would be stiff and feel like I had no control over my fingertips or the ball. I couldn’t even play bump without the nerves (a fun shootout game that didn’t matter if I lost or missed). It didn’t matter what it was, if it involved shooting, I was anxious. I was lucky if I shot 50% in a game. Many air balls (or passes as us shooters say) were had. Having been a starting player, I was now spending a lot of time on the bench, which was just as stressful! I would get anxious if a shooter got injured, if we were winning by too much that they would make changes, or if the other shooter wasn’t performing, in fear of being put on. I would often pray that I got injured so I wouldn’t have to play. I was the most supportive bench player, as I wanted everyone (especially the shooters) to do really well!
I learnt to manage it as best I could. I still had moments where I was my old self, earning Player of the Match in a close State League grand final and working my way back into the West Coast Fever team. I persisted playing for another 4 years, but felt as though I never went back to how I used to play. I would have good days and bad days. It would depend how I could manage my anxiety and ruminating negative thoughts. Eventually I made the decision to stop playing, as it was putting too much stress on my body, physically and mentally, and I didn’t want to have to continue to put myself through it.
This got me thinking. We focus on training, the court sessions, putting up the shots, ball co-ordination sessions, weights sessions, recovery sessions and rehabilitation sessions. We get educated on nutrition, ensuring we are eating enough quality foods, enough carbs, reducing sugars, hydrating, eating enough recovery food, which are all important. BUT how often do we check-in with our mindset and observe the thoughts we are having? Are they helpful or unhelpful? Visualising ourselves winning or succeeding? Implementing routines that set us up for success? Taking ownership of our actions? Having a toolbox to draw on in times of need?
At the time that I was going through this I NEVER spoke about it to anyone. On reflection, this was because it was just something you didn’t speak about. I was embarrassed, would people think I was weird or that there was something was wrong with me? I also didn’t know that there was another option and I had the ability to change the way I thought.
I started doing a lot of self-development work, reading books, listening to podcasts, attending workshops and realised that there was none of this around when I was playing netball. I often wonder what could have been if I was aware of training my mindset. I want to be able to help people from grassroots to young adults embed positive helpful thoughts that can be applied not only in their netball life but personal life as well. I want people to create a clear vision of what they want and have the confidence and self-belief that they can conquer it.
I have an exciting project in the works to share with my fellow netballers, whether you are a keen Saturday netballer or have dreams of playing for Australia!
