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The Bulltoota, Mount Buller (2026)

08/02/2022

Mt Buller has been proven to have perfect snow conditions to train athletes competing in the Beijing Winter Olympic Games this year.

The mountain's commitment to snowmaking may cost a fortune, but they have struck gold following Jakara Anthony's mogul win on Sunday.

Targa will unfortunately be cancelled, while a parade will be held in honour of the hard work and great achievements of Buller's sweetheart, the Techno Alpin SF220. Commemorative tshirts can be purchased now with a diverse photo of snow guns from around the world on the Olympic podium together.

In related news:
Team Buller Riders (TBR) claim that the higher fees announced today have nothing to do with Jakara Anthony's gold medal win.

Now only accepting future olympians, TBR have also had to implement a strict "no refund for lack of talent" policy.

09/08/2021

While negative Covid tests are out the window, net-worth tests will be a requirement for any regional guests hoping to enter the resort. That's right, as of midnight tonight guests will need to prove they can match the spending of their Melburnian counterparts.

The RMB has also strongly recommended that all staff return a negative STI test before leaving the mountain.

The recent lockdown hit us like a giant pen*s-shaped rocket. But today's announcement has provided the mountain with a moment of hopeful relief.

Bring on the country ski mums!

26/07/2021

With multi-million-dollar developments continuing around Mt Buller, the local trees have taken a stand and started chopping themselves down in protest.

Unfortunately, their protests haven't resulted in the outcome they were hoping for. Since permits to remove native vegetation have become increasingly difficult and expensive to obtain, real-estate developers have come out on top - with major developers still trying to decide on the colour of their new yacht.

While the Village looked like a hurricane swept through overnight, the RMB is under fire for exacerbating the issue of human/nature relations. More shocking than last year's breakup of beloved vocal group, Human Nature.

Bulltoota has received no response from the governing body - the RMB, not Human Nature.

Clean up efforts continue through the night. Probably... Depending on overtime rates.

23/07/2021

BREAKING NEWS
A luxury ski resort in Australia has been accused of charging more for everyday items than someone would pay in Melbourne. It may sound like slander, but the Bulltoota research team has uncovered the truth.

Are you sitting down? Perhaps on the toilet while you scroll blankly through your newsfeed? Well good. Because this may shock you...
Businesses all over Mt Buller have been exposed to be charging more for their products.

Our reporters heard every excuse in the book:
- we operate in a rural town
- we operate in an alpine area
- our transport costs are higher
- we're only open for 3 months of the year
- our business is weather dependent
- we provide a luxury service/product
The list goes on.

Despite the fact people are waking up Dusty every morning during a government-mandated lockdown, the shear fact that pizza here costs more than Dominos is inexcusable.

We await a personal apology from every business up here for extorting the common man and depriving them of nutrition.

***Redeem your 90% discount from all participating venues using the code

Namaste

16/07/2021

The Victorian Government's announcement of a statewide lockdown has triggered post traumatic stress disorder among the Mt Buller community. The Medical Centre has been forced to open a pysch ward to cope with the emotional distress of the people.

Thankfully a team of caregivers arrived on the mountain overnight. Easily identified by their dark coloured Range Rovers, we encourage you to thank them for their service as they selflessly abandon their homes to assist in our time of need.

In other news: The Grollo's favourite radio station has been busy making friends while they report on all things Buller

01/06/2021

Breathtaker has been left winded after a staff member went downhill over the weekend.

Medics determined that it was too early in the season to be scurvy and not late enough to be an STI. With no research or consultation, the medical team determined that all staff were infected and placed a fumigation tent over the Hotel.

Following the outbreak BSL threatened to give BT the shaft. However, one BT staff member misunderstood the threat as an offer to mend their broken darts.

Broken darts and broken hearts.

In other news, Perisher drops their massive c**k on the table for all see.

17/09/2020

Ski Patrol have teamed up with Network 10 to create a new TV series following their daily lives and routines at Mt Buller.

The show was approved in early July, when the production team at Network 10 realised they wouldn't have any international tourists over summer for the Bondi boys to rescue. The Network had initially contacted the heartthrobs at Koflers to host an exotic winter special of The Bachelorette, but retracted their offer when they discovered Tom was no longer working there.

With the easing of restrictions in regional Victoria Buller Rescue will start filming on what's left of Bourke Street tomorrow.

At first patrollers contested the addition of Diesel the sleddog, seeing it as a cheap way to gain a following. However, they changed their tune when they discovered he could fetch a kransky on command.

Woof.

03/09/2020

Last week the Buller community lost an incredible man, David Marsicano.

Big Dave was such an active and passionate member of our community. He was also probably Bulltoota's biggest fan. In a difficult time when we all need something to laugh about, no one laughed harder than our friend Dave.

The man's stoke levels were off the charts. Always keen for any kind of activity - whether it be a sunrise, sunset or a 10km hike before work. Although, there is speculation he was just on a consistent sugar high... he did drink more Cruisers than a 16 year old girl with a 'cool mum'.

We are shattered that this wonderful man with such a zest for life has lost his so unexpectedly early.

We love the Buller community and know that we stand strong together supporting Dave's partner, family and friends.

A private funeral service will be held on Monday 7th September, 2020 commencing at 1.00 pm. To livestream the funeral service, go to the N J Todd Website.
https://www.njtodd.com.au/funeral/marsicano-david-robert

Related article:
The Grocer will no longer need to stock Southern Comfort & Cola

https://www.instagram.com/p/CEsY5hIpPYL/

27/08/2020

Since our beloved lifts stopped turning on Thursday 6 August, snow lovers have been forced to take matters into their own hands. In colloquial terms, they've had to earn their turns.

Experiencing Mt Buller without punters has been a dream come true for most. Especially following the major dumpage last week which allowed skiers and boarders to get fresh tracks all day every day.

However, the novelty appears to have worn off... as the hike up and out of each run has gotten harder. Residents have conceeded that it takes more time and effort to hike back up to the top of Wombat than to catch the 15 minute lift - even with a 45 minute wait at the bottom.

Absence surely does make the heart grow fonder.

20/08/2020

Never before has a luxury ski resort been affordable to the dole bulging population. But here we are.

Management at T's have traded in their baked potatoes to help some baked potatoes access a much needed service.

We spoke to South Australian National and seasonal Buller resident Chad Hardon. He seemed lost and confused but spoke clearly,
“I can’t go home so I guess I’ll stay here! Although I do miss home a bit...” he continued after taking a sip from a good bag “you just can’t beat a good drop of South Australian wine”.

Thanks Daddy Scomo, you’ve really come through on this one!

07/08/2020

RMB have recruited Jimmy Barnes to work at the entry gate during lockdown, to scream at those unworthy of passing through.

Local residents have been granted access to move freely, provided that they collect a mad dog pass from the post office and pinky swear not to catch the rona.

After getting screamed at by Barnesy, all mad dog residents will also need to go through a second line of defence: the security company from that Melbourne quarantine hotel. This has been put in place to ensure that everyone is getting equally fu**ed.

Local government at it again punishing the working class man (or in most of our cases, non-working class).

04/08/2020

Mt Buller executives have stripped Jane Bunn of her treasured Bunn Run today and have instead dedicated it to their new main squeeze, Dan Andrews.

This display of affection appears to be a wacky attempt to keep the lifts turning. We can only assume for the Grollo's personal use during their lockdown on the mountain.

BSL made a statement today saying that they are 'very excited' and look forward to a 'long and fruitful relationship' with the premier. They went on to say that a 'number of changes have been made' to ensure that Dan Run is not confused with Dam Run.

See the changes outlined below:
- Dam Run will now be Oh Damn Run
- Home Run will now be Stay At Home Run
- Family Run will now be I Have The Kids Every Second Weekend
- Bloody Hell will now be Where The Bloody Hell Are Ya?
- Standard will now be Average
- Fanny's Finish will now be Fanny's Faking It

The Bulltoota

08/02/2022

09/08/2021

26/07/2021

23/07/2021

16/07/2021

01/06/2021

17/09/2020

03/09/2020

27/08/2020

20/08/2020

07/08/2020

04/08/2020

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