11/06/2026
Thereās no denying that I struggled after my final show last year.
Retiring from competing was a much harder reality to accept than I expected, and if Iām honest, I probably never truly spoke about just how much I struggled.
I felt so lost.
In my routine.
In my consistency.
In my goals and what I was focused on.
In showing up as the woman I wanted to be.
I found myself stuck in a constant yo-yo with my weight, my habits and my mindset.
Retirement brought a massive identity shift. For so long, I had tied so much of who I was to chasing the next prep, the next stage, the next goal. When that was gone, I felt like I had no direction.
I almost convinced myself that Iād never be able to find balance and still have a body I could feel proud of.
The hard part is knowing youāve been ābetter.ā
But the truth is, that version of me wasnāt sustainable.
My stage-lean physique came at the cost of saying no to so many things I value now. Dinners with friends. Spontaneous coffee dates. Being present in moments that had nothing to do with calories, cardio, or check-ins.
Iām not completely there yet, but Iām getting there.
Iām learning to be proud of the physique Iāve built over the years without needing to be stage lean.
Iām learning to appreciate what my body can do, not just how it looks.
And Iām finding purpose and enjoyment in my health and fitness again, without a prep date attached to it.
For the first time in a long time, that feels pretty damn freeing š«š¤