17/11/2021
I didn’t realize but subconsciously it made me seek others validation on everything I did.
“Fear is only as deep as the mind allows” Japanese Proverb
Growing up in India, it was an everyday thing that you get compared to your neighbours and cousins.
“Why don’t you wake up early and study” because, the other kid in the neighbourhood doing it.
“Why don’t you do…..” because others are doing it.
It was a regular thing in our household and I always answered by stating I am NOT them, I am ME!
As a young child, anxiety or fear was always at the back of my mind.
Even though I didn’t have a father, I had a myriad of family members involved in raising me.
I was constantly compared to other children who were apparently perfectly behaved, kept their toys in pristine condition, achieved outstanding results in school, prayed regularly, finished all their food and never complained.
With very little room for error, in my 8 year old mind, I felt that to be loved by those around me, I must emulate this perfect child that they so often spoke of.
I was under enormous pressure to be responsible and mature.
In order to uphold the expectations that were placed upon my small shoulders, I felt that I had to please everyone.
I would think twice before joining the mischievous kids in fear of how others would react.
I quickly became the ‘the responsible one’ in the family. ‘The sensible child’, the one who will never disappoint anyone, the one who could be given ‘grown up’ duties.
The fear of how people would think and react actually crippled me for most of my life!
I’m glad that I was given the opportunity and tools later in my life to have awareness…
Now i’ll just leave you with a question…
Are you living a life to please others or are you living a life by choice ?