01/09/2026
Coolamon Golf
Strap yourself in for another thrilling edition of the achievements and foibles of the denizens of the Coolamon Golf course.
There was no comp on Saturday as all roads led to Narrandera where the mighty Hoppers stormed into the grand final necessitating some tweaks to the golf program and generating huge excitement in the town.
On the Golf front, twenty players suited up for Sunday’s Stableford round and it was Mark Hardy who emerged triumphant on a count back from Bruce Chant. It was an astonishing achievement by Mark as he was loaded up with the most debilitating handicap imaginable after being drawn alongside Paul Abbott and Brian Mangan. It was like having an enraged dragon on one side and Krakatoa erupting on the other whilst running the Sydney marathon carrying a ship’s anchor and a blacksmith’s anvil. What a tribute to the resilience of his ears and his mental health. Mark is in the very pink of form at the moment after pocketing the goodies at The Rock tournament the previous week.
Also in the middle of golfing renaissance is Bruce Chant but unfortunately not able to cash in completely after being denied the winner’s prize on a countback two weeks in succession. There is some consolation. It’s vastly better marching home the proud possessor of two balls rather than limping away like a eu**ch. Please excuse my high pitched squeaky voice.
Grub Broadhead also continued his recent sparkling form while utilising soothing music to keep his equipoise in control and temper the inner savage beast. Grub is tapering nicely for the upcoming club championship, so long as he doesn’t implode over one errant shot.
This week’s pink ball featured an epic race to the bottom. I was confident my 20 points was enough but the gloom lifted like an instantly evaporating fog when the news seeped out that the ex PM had had a huge meltdown over his game featuring a massive 19 points. His tantrum made Craig Fitzgibbon’s look like an audience with the Pope. His blushes were saved, however, when a cursory glance at the results revealed a 15 points score under the name Matt Cook, a six handicapper from Wagga who was experiencing sand greens for the first time. Make good use of the ball Matt and thanks from the bottom of my heart.
The nearest the pins and drive and chip prizes were won by Bruce Chant, Trevor Jose, Andrea Hilton, Danny Milne, Mick McCaig and Grub, Grub and Grub.
Two of our finest compatriots returned from their sojourn in Merimbula somewhat bruised from their experience. Stu Seymour was just emerging from the ocean refreshed and dripping when he was assailed by a group of Greenpeace members who started throwing buckets of water over him and dragging him back to deep water. Meanwhile Adam Carroll returned sporting a bad case of sunburn and four harpoon wounds. The golf was good though.
The course is in smick condition ATM but will require significant tractor time to keep it that way. Please ensure that your assigned fairways are lovingly tended to over the next few weeks so that the course remains in dazzling condition for the upcoming Club Championships and also the Ladies NSW Sandgreen titles in October.
Be wise, be vibrant, be healthy. Play Golf.
