2022 WA Masters Hockey Men's O50 State Team

07/10/2022

Welcome to the final instalment of the Masters O50 blog for 2022.
Your correspondent won’t beat about the bush this time. We lost in normal time to QLD 2-1.
We may not have the shield in our hands, but it was quite a journey, living in each other’s pockets for 79 weeks, experiencing all the seasons the Goldy has to offer all from the luxurious comfort of the Woodroffe Hotel*.
The final was eventful enough and something of a reversal of the fortunes from the draw a few days earlier. This time we collectively had 22 minutes of 10-man play (maybe some 9-man for a while too).
But before all that, we had to get to the ground, which required a race**. Because James was dragged out early to deal with the special needs people, it was decided to make it a time trial. They arrived in the Mustang in record time, aided by smooth parking in the Bus Only area because most of the cars had been intimated by the pit crew’s posturing the day before.
Anton, having mapped out the most efficient route, managed to take line honours although it was a close call as he nearly fell asleep at the wheel when Timmy A put Chariots of Fire through the sound system.
As preparation went it all seemed seamless. The yoga class had all graduated to black belt, we had the right changeroom, the grass was available and Bundy had all his kit.
In the pre-match silence everyone was lost in their thoughts:
1. BJ was listening to Mastering the Rockefeller Habits and considering his own motivational podcast
2. Stew was plotting the next campaign and hoping he could get a bigger spa for the presidential suite next year
3. Watto was looking at the big V and contemplating playing for them next year ... already it leaves a bad taste in his mouth
4. Bundy wonders how many of his newly graduated acolytes will follow him and his family to a commune he has planned near Broome where there will be a quiz on the hour, every hour
5. Timmy A was envisaging a playlist just to accompany eating icecream
6. Onions’ contemplation was focused on his software Unicorn and whether he can build a hockey turf on his own private island
7. RobMac was considering founding an organic and carbon neutral strapping tape company
8. Drew was thinking about his next surf
9. Timber imagines an helmet-installed AI voice enhancer because he feels no-one is hearing his calls
10. Dawsy wasimagining THAT toma goal
11. Horrie has a song in mind and is trying to get in touch with Steel Panther's management to make a pitch
12. Reidy was laying out his metaphorical canvas, picturing his next artwork
13. James thought about his next vehicle purchase, erring towards trading in the Roller for a Bentley
14. Anton pre-notched his stick, anticipating another carton purchase
15. Brother was trying remember the last time he scored … they never let him near the goals! For good reason, as it turns out.
16. Grimesy was just enjoying the moment
And then the battle began.
We won’t go into detail, suffice to say we were ahead for a fair bit of the game after an early goal. Timmy A is shown in the records as the scorer. The stats will also show #5 as the QLD scorer when responded in the second half, but Timber had it covered and the shot was missing until a there was an ‘intervention’ by your correspondent.
After that we piled on the pressure and, even with a few cards, it felt like we were dominant. 11 short corners to 4 was a fair indication of the possession and opportunities.
Everyone put their heart into it and it was disappointing to lose after so many months on the campaign trail.
Thanks especially to Stew for organising, Bundy for coaching and BJ for his captaincy.
Also special mention to our drivers James and Anton for all their shuttle work, and Timber for his sensational facilitating at the medal count

*This message was brought to you by the Woodroffe
**The races were fictional in nature and no members of the public were harmed during these events

07/10/2022

Big shout out to the off field team behind the WA Men O50s, Austin & Molly have kept the team organised on the sideline. Thank you from all the lads.

06/10/2022

Final morning session before the GOLD medal game. It has been an fun week with an awesome bunch of guys. Game on!

06/10/2022

We should have known there would be a crackdown on the bus race, what with the Gold Coast 500 Supercars about to start. The Goldy wants rev heads to come and party, but not to do what they really like to do.
The full force of the law was applied to street racing of any kind, and there were posters of both Jim and Anton – wanted men for reckless use of a carriageway. Apparently, they haven’t changed the statutes in QLD since the days of horse-drawn vehicles.
Anton was disappointed. He had the hotted up the mobile with a very noisy exhaust, blue-lit undercarriage and a spoiler. The pit crew had suggested his other addition, some sort of winglets he’d picked up at the $1 shop, should be jettisoned for a ‘cleaner’ look.
Jim, meanwhile, had completely come to terms with this turn of events, had doffed a chauffeur’s uniform and demanded we call him James. Never in the history of nicknames has someone’s real name been so appropriately reappropriated.
With the end of the car racing, suddenly the travel time became less important. For instance, Horrie might said say: “Hey Anton, can we stop so I can buy that that carton you owe the team for scoring four goals.” Or, in the other bus, Timmy A might say: “James, might we stop at a convenience store, I would like to indulge in an icecream”. We all have our weaknesses, his is icecream.
With the 57-week tournament winding down, the competition for spots in the “Bus Only” parking area has lessened. There only a few small car-like buses and it was hard to tell if they were likely to make it home to NSW, especially after the pit crew gave them a bit of a once over. Have you ever watched Bush Mechanics? Everyone does that in WA.
As we arrived, Reservoir Dogs-style, at the ground, everyone knew that the ACT were not to be taken likely. Canberra can f$%k up a lot of things, including our finals campaign if we were not careful.
We all had our different ways of coping. BJ was listening to motivational podcasts, seeking a gem of a line for the pre-game huddle. Drew was listening to surf. Macca2 (the twin who came out second, two years later) was listening to his body and only hearing what he wanted to hear. Dawsy was too, but, in hindsight, he had clearly taken something to pick himself up … that would kick in during the first quarter and last most of the game. Bundy was chastising himself, publicly, for not being Zen enough, at the same time as looking for something he was sure he had packed earlier– it’s a ritual for him, apparently. Macca1 had re-mummified his legs with strapping tape and run to the venue ‘in order to warm up adequately’. Timber spent the time warming up his vocal chords with various ranging phrases “Brother left”, “Reidy get back”, “Jim are you ok, on your own with that forward?” and “Horrie it’s not your turn for a break”.
Grimesy arrived late after yet another gruesome discovery in a drawer at the house he was minding.
There were other rituals but you get the drift.
As for the game. Hmmm. Depending on your heart medicine it was our best or our worst.
Given it was 1 vs 4 and we had smashed the ACT 8-0 when we played them in the round game, we had every reason to be over-confident. With QLD ending New South’s campaign, we knew who were playing and that they would be watching. So, sneaky strategy as it was, we decided to show them nothing, especially no goals, until we really had to … which was after the final whistle, when the clock signalled the end of the game and we had a short corner. Even then, we decided we couldn’t show our full hand. We broke on our own short and lost our injector. There were not too many complaints, as that corner was a failure. Second time around, it worked and we got penalty stroke from a foot on the line. Bundy, unfazed by the crowd, slung it home.
It was a near thing. Every other corner and quite a few field shots had failed the pe*****te the ACT’s rock solid and desperate defence.
At the other end, James had used his hand to fend off of a big shot. Never wise.
Despite controlling the game, it could have ended in tears when ACT had a short with four minutes to go.
In the end, a win is a win is a win, as they say. 1-0 is a result that we can put behind us. Now it is time to get the job done. Its Business Time.

05/10/2022

Game 6 match report.
The most unfortunate thing about doing yoga every morning is the realisation that, without Guru Bundy, this pleasant morning ritual is unlikely to continue post-tournament. Experience tells us all the self-made promises about committing to a new habit are worthless.
Anyway, we all know it is all imaginary. No-one in the modern world lives without some form of artificiality, but robot dolphins and all the other ‘improvements’ on nature that SoPo has to offer suggest that yoga in Perth will be never be the same as the Goldy.
It is worth adding that even Bundy didn’t have us standing on our heads, (at least not yet), unlike our near neighbour, the bike acrobat, whose performance was equally distracting as the pipes which, mysteriously, were absent. Perhaps the two were linked?
So here we are on week 34 of our 12-day competition and we have nearly reached the pointy end. After a tough test against New South, it is 1 v 2 … WA/QLD, head-to-head, toe-to-toe, face-to-face, eyeball-to-eyeball, gold v mauve … or is it lilac?
Perhaps there is a musical comparison. Gangajang’s Sounds of Then v Steel Pathers’s Glory Hole.
Of course, it is never that simple.
Before the game there was bit of time to focus. We went and watched the O60s win their grandy. Inspiring in more ways than one. BJ listened to whatever he listens to pre-game, probably something that meets his CPD requirements.
It is also worth noting that Game #6 did not have a race*.
The course marshalls flagged Anton just as he was revving the Maserati, ending any possibility of a contest. It didn’t matter that much, as The Ant Man was starting off nasty a handicap due to the special needs crew on board. They had to leave early: enough said.
The special needs people have their own rituals involving, seemingly, massage, rollers and meat tenderisers although the actual processes and equipment remain a mystery to most people, especially the backline that doesn’t seem to practice such dark arts with the enthusiasm of the rest of the field. Someone said it seems like witchcraft, but your correspondent has no opinion on that and is simply glad they have been given adequate time to attend to their pre-game devotions. We are very inclusive in the O50s.
Perhaps somewhat lured to the dark side, Onions decided to experiment with his own devotions with a barber. Goodness knows what went on in there but he emerged with a nasty scar which provided some intimidation to the opposition.
The small car-like buses from NSW and QLD remained in near plague proportions, so we improvised like good West Aussies do and made our own bus-specific bays.
As for the game, the much-billed contest with QLD did not disappoint.
It was a tight affair from start to finish, our passing game versus the Maroons’ (ahhh, there it is maroon) more direct approach.
The backline, as the foundation of most opportunities, had to deal with a far more complicated set of rotations to accommodate injuries across other lines. For once they had to both think and run, simultaneously. It was very taxing but luckily backs can multitask.
After a solid rev up from BJ in the pre-game huddle, we probably had the upper hand in the first half and scored first through a penalty corner variation which saw Anton bang one in from the side. Nice work, and the only conversion from a lot of opportunities.
RobMac was having the game of his life until an unfortunate raised ball out of QLD’s defence struck him exactly where his knee was already struggling to keep the lower half of his left limb attached to the upper part. The perpetrator took umbrage with the heap at his feet, claiming he was bit soft, or words to that effect. He would not take the field again, so the rotations changed once more after another algorithm was written to deal with the problem.
At half time we were glad of the lead. QLD did have something of an edge on us, though: twice as many green cards and a yellow on top of that.
In the second half Bundy continued with the artillery, lobbing aerials into the midfield. At least we were trapping them, unlike the game against New South.
QLD scored early in the third with a field goal that rocked us back on our heels a bit. They probably showed their best in the second half, but we undoubtedly put them under enormous pressure with a lot of short corners that simply could not get past the keeper. Watto got sore shoulders trying to dig the ball out from in front of the keeper to get a rebound goal but it was in vain.
Our opponents also received 2 more yellow cards (one was for 10 minutes), one issued to the same player who had earned one in the first half! So they had an astonishing 24 minutes of playing time with, at most, 10 players.
In the end we had to settle for 1-1 draw which kept us at the top of the leader board and allows us to play in the 1st vs 4th semi against ACT.
Bring it on.

* a race without the school holiday traffic is nearly pointless anyway, we were at the ground before there was the possibility of a contest.

05/10/2022

Captain BJ leading our group into the semi-finals against ACT Thursday morning!

04/10/2022

03/10/2022

It is week 19 of our 12 day quest for masters hockey glory and, so far, it is all going to plan.
The zen start to the day by the waterfront has not worn off, even if the Gold Coast Tourism Bureau stopped sending the robot dolphins past our gathering point after the first day. Obviously, their work was done after all our Insta selfies were sent out hailing the wonders of Surfers Paradise. Little do they know that you need more than cetacea sightings to draw the crowds from WA. We literally have them as pets.
Bundy runs a good session and could well be a future inductee into the Guru Hall of Fame. Apparently its done on Insta likes these days, so as they say in Russia, vote early and vote often.
The post-stretching swim has not quite garnered the same level of support. There were just two this morning, despite the sunshine. Management may need to make it compulsory, how else can we maintain a precision machine?
It was noticeable that no-one was singing the Penrith song after our evening deciphering the joys of rugby league and observing some of its most ardent fans. A mystery sport to most of the team prior to the final, few were further enlightened regarding the attraction by the end of the GF. For the minority aficionados, disappointment was written on their faces. It was weird to be in an AFL club in QLD which is bigger than almost any sporting club in WA (in terms of the clubhouse setup).
The race* to the ground did not have quite the same edge to it this time. Jim in the Corvette looked like he was just loving the wind in his hair. The traffic lights must have wrongly recognised him as a Goldy local and waved him through. The AI may not quite be 100% but it seems like QLD is where Skynet is really starting. Anton was equally chilled in his Roller.
Understandably the focus was on the first big game of the tournament, a test with New South who we knew were going to be hard to beat.
It was truly Business Time, as the song reminded us.
Out at the hockey centre, Steve and Darryl had abandoned their posts and the small ‘buses’ from QLD and New South had snuck back in thinking no-one was watching. We didn’t even need Onions’ drone to capture the shenanigans. In the end we made our own bus parking.
Funny how things work out. In some of our bigger wins, we have started slow and found scoring early a challenge. Against our best opponent yet we put in two in the first quarter, with StewMac claiming the first from a penalty corner variation and Grimesy grabbing the second, cleaning up from another short. We certainly caught them off guard, given the progress of the rest of the game.
The defence would have initiated both forward thrusts, but was humble in its need for attribution and appreciated the rest both opportunities provided. There were not many more.

This break is brought to you by Glen 20, a vital inclusion in any tournament kit bag. (this is a pre-emptive advertisement, thinking ahead to next year, but the fug of sporting-equipment-infused hotel room is an immediate issue)

The Department of Planning (O50s Masters division) had issued a confidential dossier about a change in troop movements, but clearly those pesky New South Welshmen must have got their hands on it because they seemed to be onto our rotations. They were sharp and incessant, cleverly drawing cards from people who did not deserve them.
The backs did not even have time to contribute to the growing debate within the group: why do defenders have real nicknames, while forwards make do with very simple derivations of their actual names – generally ending in a ‘sey’ or an ‘o’? Naturally there are exceptions to every rule, and this theory has not yet been tested beyond our small control group to the wider petri dish of masters hockey.
Back on the game and Bundy sought the precision overhead as a way of getting past their press. It was pity the aerial trapping rate was so low.
In the end, Timber stood tall and withstood a lot of damage to his padding as he denied NSW time and time again. They gave him BoG, deservedly so.
We did manage to squeeze out one more goal which, according to the video analytics team, was not simply against the run of play. A review of the scoring opportunity showed four backs touching the ball, including Reidy’s elegant pass into the circle, which was roofed by Watto. Anton conceded his touch was after it crossed the line, saving a High Court challenge.
It was only then that we relaxed enough to allow a late goal against. WA 3- NSW 1.
Team Colthart did a fine job as usual.

*there was no race, we were shadowed the whole way by QLD polair who warned us that if we broke the rules, so would they. Most of us are old enough to believe them.

02/10/2022

Game #5 - NSW in the sunshine today after some inspiring words from Bundy!

02/10/2022

It felt a bit like day 17 rather than the build up to game #4.
When the number of hours between the end of the last game and beginning of the next equals more than 72, you realise there is the danger of being over-rested, a new term for the sports tournament lexicon.
But it was OK. After an optional morning on the first rest day, Bundy’s Day Spa and Toxicology Retreat was again compulsory and, with a stiff breeze and the threat of rain, the team were able to zone out from the irritation of the pipes – yes, they were there again – aided by our favourite musician being downwind. Even Onions didn’t care.
We all had thoughts on the previous day’s activities – predominantly a split camp being:
a) the Katmandu-wearing, Norska-ad searching ‘mountaineers’ AKA the tree-huggers
b) the beach babes
Despite their best efforts neither the coastal contingent nor the trail bashers found a Sven or Svenja in their searches, although the Tamborine Mountain group reportedly came closer than those at Burleigh Head’s Pavilion.
It was all in good humour with the only downer being the hacking of the official WhatsApp messaging system, creating a few headaches until management brought in the Optus Rescue Crew to track down the perpetrators. Quicker than you can say “I need a new passport”, the ORCs identified a ‘state-based actor’ and they were relocated to a special re-education facility run by Herr Feinsmeister. When the WhatsApp messaging system came back online there was relief that the none of the photographs had fallen into the wrong hands. Timber said we could just say they were deep fakes anyway, that always worked for him.
The relief was palpable but there was a new air of conservatism and a plan for everyone to get tattoos was put on the back burner after someone noticed yet another spelling error from the creative ‘genius’ behind the concept. Fortunately for 15 of us there’s only person sporting Masters Hockey Gold Coat 2022. It’s hard to see beneath the tape!
As usual the race* to get to the field was willing, with Jim in the Donald Campbell Blue Bird a little twitchy with the thrusters and wondering why Google Maps couldn’t give him a straight line to the hockey centre. Anton made do with a black Ferrari, in keeping with our first outing in the dark strip.
At the Goldy hockey ground, the QLD management were onto the ‘bus only’ quagmire and had a couple of gents take control of the valet parking.
“Steve, can you move the Camira? I need to get the Torana out to get to the Commodore.”
“Sure thing Darryl, but I'll have to get the keys to the Cortina if I'm gunna move that Camira.”
The only thing missing was the airport noise.
Regrettably, the Goldy’s weather system couldn’t hold out for us and the rain pretty much started at our warmup and never stopped. It wasn’t heavy, but it was incessant.
ACT in the yellow strip were a bit of a threat in our minds, having put in seven against the Big V, and they were obviously happier in the wet conditions. We were a bit tentative and the first period ended scoreless.
It took a deft bit of skill and some neat one-two passing driven from Grimesy on the left to make the first conversion happen. He was given honorary defender status for being the origin of the first goal, with Anton finishing to get the first of his four, all knock-ins from close range. He really was The Ant Man, and that was with a brace at half time, 2-0.
In the third quarter, WA looked a bit more settled and passed around the back more, albeit the ACT lads made the defence work. The WA forwards didn’t help, either, there far too few short corners to let the backs rest on their sticks.
BJ probably put the result beyond doubt with a cracking goal after deftly moving about the circle like he was doing a training drill.
RobMac made it 4-0 with a 75m run to set up an opportunity to finish with a McEnroe (forehand shot complete with headband), just to prove his knees are up to it. It could have been five that quarter, but Watto had a great shot saved on the line.
The final quarter saw Stew get his first, The Ant Man his second brace and BJ keep his spot on the top of the team leaderboard, finishing off from a penalty corner after the siren to make it 8-zip.
Timmy A rightly won BoG from the opposition, while Horrie led the defence well, even after being bowled over by an ACT forward. Apparently that is possible!
Well done to Drew: first full game and he had plenty to do. Also a credit to Ash in the physio dept, who would have been tired by the end of the game after the work he did in the dugout. It least it was dry there.
ACT were a nice bunch.

*there was no race, but there were a lot of speed traps for some reason!

02/10/2022

Win #4 … in the rain and back in black strip!

30/09/2022

Next up, ACT later today!