14/08/2026
The hardest years of my life at home.
I spent a lot of energy hiding it at work (because I thought if the people above knew, it would affect my progress).
And I pushed myself even harder to make up for the mental weight I was carrying.
Later I realised two things.
The first was that the actual challenge was to protect the quality of my judgement while my mind was carrying a lot.
When your mind is clouded, your judgement suffers. And when your judgement suffers, the wrong decisions follow. Bad decisions at senior level compound quickly.
I became more deliberate about creating time to think.
I protected time in my calendar before important decisions instead of filling every hour because I felt guilty for slowing down elsewhere.
If I needed time to think, I took it before I walked into the room, not while I was sitting in it.
I built in moments of doing nothing, with no input, no screens, no stimulation. Just my mind, resting and catching up.
Every one of those decisions was about protecting the quality of my judgement.
The second realisation was that the people above me were also carrying burdens I could not see (just as I was carrying burdens they could not see).
Nobody was expecting life to stop happening. What they needed from me was what I needed from them. Clear thinking. Sound judgement. Fewer areas to worry about.
The way through my difficult seasons was to stop trying to prove I was unaffected. And to protect the moments where my thinking mattered most.